BOKU NO KOE A Tale of Complexities
by Simply Kim
Summary: It didn't matter that this thing had a huge international fanbase and he might be branded as 'That Guy Voicing Over Yaoi Dramas'. This was work and he would always do his work. Even if he had to play a different role. Even if he ended up as an... uke.
1. Daiichibu : Riyuu

**TITLE:** Boku no Koe --- A Tale of Complexities ---

**PART:** One

**MAIN PAIRINGS:** Sanada Genichirou x Kajimoto Takahisa, and Atobe Keigo x Tezuka Kunimitsu.

**SIDE PAIRINGS:** For this part: Kamio Akira x Ibu Shinji and hints of Atobe Keigo x Kamio Akira. As for the rest of the chapters, well, they will depend on whim. XD

**GENRE:** Yaoi (Alternate Universe/ Humour/ Angst / Romance)

**DISCLAIMERS:** All the series I'm referring to in this fic do not belong to me… only this twisted story does.

**NOTE #1:** **Blah **or **_Blah _**is for emphasis. **_/Blah/_ **is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). _/Blah/_ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. _Blah _is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are. XD).

**NOTE #2:** This is inspired by Youka Nitta's manga "Boku no Koe", hence the title, but the story is not quite the same. Special Thanks to DelusionalLady for opening this topic up while we were chatting over the phone the other day. I just have to remind you guys that this is an alternate universe fic. I am not using the characters' seiyuu, but I'm using them, as themselves dubbing other stuff (i.e. Tezuka being the seiyuu of Brad Crawford in Weiss Kreuz, etc.), and Tennis no Oujisama **does exist** in this world though the characters, instead of the regular names we know, are named after the real seiyuu. I'm twisted, I know. XD I'm just reminding you these to avoid confusion, should you read this fic. And yes, their ages are different here too. XD

**NOTE #3:** There are records corresponding to the schools in Tennis no Oujisama. They are:

01. Kooun Limited

02. BHI (Black Horse Inc.)

03. Teikoku Songen

04. MG (Masterpieces Group)

05. Yuushousha Studios

06. PT Unlimited (Polar Talents Unlimited)

07. Hashira Kin

08. Playhouse Productions

Everything will be explained as the story goes on.

**NOTE #4:** These are mostly from the point of views of the uke; so don't be mad that the seme do not have as much screen time.

**DEDICATION:** This is dedicated to all of you guys who have had this fancy eating your brains for a long while now. We have to wonder after all, how is it working as a seiyuu? I personally have seen a friend of mine work as a 'dubber' locally, and I guess, most of the stuff here are based from what I have observed as well as based from the info I have collected over the years.

* * *

**DAIICHIBU: RIYUU**

_(First Part: Reason)_

* * *

**_/"Ah... uhh... Sonna koto... shinakutemo ii no ni... uhh..."/_**

**_/"Nngh..."/_**(1) 

Kajimoto wanted to hide under his seat.

It was going to be his first time auditioning for a cd drama, and his manager said that it was a good project to start with, so he decided to come early.

Now he was regretting his decision.

_**/"Ahhhh... uhhh... Hnnngh... Ikuzo da... Ryo... kuchi – hanashite..."/**_

_**/"Ah..."/**_

He knew now why his manager was being mysterious regarding the type of drama he was going to audition in.

**_/"Mou... agh... ah... Ahhhh-ha... uhhh... haaa... haaaa..."/_**

_**/"Nii, ore wa, mattetandarou..."/**_

By the time he finished with this, he was going to kill her. _Hanamura-san... you will pay... oh how you will pay..._ he thought crossly, brow twitching.

"Are you alright?"

Surprised at the sudden inquiry, he looked up from the darkened booth he had been staring at ever since he heard the atrocious noises emanating from the speakers. _**Shit**._ He had forgotten that he was in a public place... where only five people besides him congregated.

Such small crowd to be considered public. Now he couldn't even think straight anymore. Maybe all the moaning and groaning coming through the speakers around him was starting to rape his brain.

Great. Now he was even using the word 'rape'. He whacked himself on the head inwardly and frowned, surveying the room for the source of the unexpected question...

And there he was, smiling easily at him as if they had been friends for such a long time. He had never seen him before. _But something about him screamed familiar..._ Hesitantly, he smiled back. "Ah, yeah. I'm fine." He answered, nodding once in acknowledgement. "Just... unused to this."

The other guy laughed and flipped his longish carrot-coloured hair. It might seem pretty conspicuous for some people, the hair-flip, but this guy did it so naturally that he seemed incomplete without doing it. He allowed his smile to widen, much in fondness than anything else.

"I know exactly how you feel!" Came the energetic response. "I'm new to this too... actually, new to everything else, since I just signed a contract with MG yesterday and my manager said I should try out for this role as well!"

_Eh? Wait a minute..._ "MG? Masterpieces Group(2)?" He asked, starting to smile even comfortably now.

"Yeah... you've heard of it? It's fairly new, but they said their voice talents are being trained as they take on different jobs, so I agreed... after all, Hanamura-san said I have the talent to be a good _seiyuu_."

"Of course I've heard of it." Kajimoto chuckled. "I'm one of their protégés too."

The other guy's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Uwah! That's so cool!" his eyes glowed. "Then, you must be the one Hanamura-san was talking about... you're Kajimoto-san, aren't you?"

Kajimoto couldn't help warming up to him. He was competition, that was the truth, but this guy was sincere in his awe, he could see it in the way his features contorted to a beaming grin. "Yes."

At that, the guy bounded over from across him and grasped his hands before shaking them repeatedly. "I'm pleased to meet you, Kajimoto-san! I hope to work forever with you! I'm Wakato, Wakato Hiroshi! _Doozo Yoroshiku_(3)!"

He nodded, a bit flustered from all the attention he was not used to getting. He wasn't exactly the best seiyuu out there, but he left a mark, even if just a dent, in the industry. Money was pouring in steadily, and he was grateful for everything... the only thing missing was this, complete adoration... possibly blossoming friendship, since he wasn't exactly the sociable type. "Just call me Takahisa, no formalities, I'm not used to it."

"_Un_!" Wakato agreed. "And you can just call me by my name too! Uwah! I feel so honoured!"

"Ah, this is interesting."

Both turned to where the voice came from, and Kajimoto recognised him instantly. "Ah, Sorry, Fuji-san. We were being loud."

Fuji Syusuke sat comfortable on one of the couches in the area. As per usual, his eyes were hidden beneath long chocolate lashes as his effeminate features resumed its constant smiling. "No problem, Takahisa-san, I'm just fascinated with both of you. I think you would become good friends in the future."

A chorus of "Shhh" sounded from around him as Wakato laughed energetically, making him shut up for a while, holding a hand on his mouth as he looked around nervously. Kajimoto couldn't do anything but scoot over and give him a place to squeeze into.

They were chatting when the door opened, and bursting airily outside was a seething Kamio Akira and a chuckling Sengoku Kiyosumi.

Kamio screamed in frustration. "What the hell was that!" He intoned loudly. "I'm having sex with my younger brother for heaven's sake!" Noisily, he squeezed next to Kajimoto, pouting as he stared at the script in his hands. "Of all the dramas to audition to, I have to do another _yaoi_ one! What is it with directors, _yaoi_ _mangaka_, and my so-called **_uke_**(4) voice? Why do I always have to audition for **_uke_** **_roles_**?"

"Like Atobe said, Kamio-kun, you are all too cute!" Sengoku laughed, sticking his hands in his pockets for good measure. "And so is your voice... you're the **perfect **_uke_!"

"Remind me to kill him later for recommending me to the director of this studio." He grumbled. "How about you, Kajimoto, what do you think? Am I really going to be an _uke_ all my life?"

Kajimoto raised a brow teasingly. "Is that a hypothetical question?"

"Nyargh! Kajimoto you idiot!" And he commenced pounding on him with his script copy.

It was rather fortunate for him that the technician called him in. gratefully, he rose from his seat hurriedly, entering the booth after responding in kind to the conspiratorial wink the guy gave his way.

Once the booth door closed, he felt stuffier than he did before when he dubbed other projects, and he was acutely aware of the script in his shaking hands. Taking a deep breath, he put it on the holder in front of him, and then put his headphones on.

After the brief sound-check, the signal to start was called.

There was nothing more to do but begin.

Taking another deep breath, he picked up his script and read, trying hard not to embed the disturbing imagery in his head... and miserably failing. There was no turning back; his brain was now officially polluted. _Damn you, Hanamura-san..._ he swore under his breath.

The director chuckled in response. "I don't think your manager would appreciate that, Kajimoto-kun... good thing there's only us in here!"

_Oh shit. The microphones are sensitive! _He coloured in mortification, and he dared not glance up, for fear of seeing the laughing faces he could hear in his headphones.

"Okay, okay, enough, enough, let's just get this on. Get ready, Kajimoto-kun..." The director spoke gently this time. "Concentrate, and we're starting... three, two, one – start!"

**_/"Chihiro..."/_**

**X o X o X**

"Please tell me that's not _nattou_(5) you're eating, Kunimitsu..." Oishi Souichirou sighed as he stared at his friend's takeaway.

"With curry." The other replied with a small smile. "Extra spicy. You want some?"

Oishi took in a huge breath and let it out slowly. Honestly now, his friend could get a fancier meal somewhere, since he was loaded, but the guy still chose to eat the normal stuff – and yucky ones at that. He just couldn't understand it. "Kunimitsu... you know I hate what you eat. Sometimes, I feel that if Inui doesn't exist in this world, you would be him."

"No, that wouldn't be me, Fuji is more his type than anyone else." Came the wry response.

"Seriously though, I'm surprised your voice is not affected by the amount of gross stuff you consume almost every other time!" He laughed, shaking his head as he took bites of his pasta parmigiana. "I can just see the headlines tomorrow. 'INFAMOUS SEIYUU, TEZUKA KUNIMITSU, FIRED AFTER LOSING HIS VOICE SUBSEQUENT TO EATING EXTRA HOT CURRY WITH NATTOU ON THE SIDE.' Heh, not exactly good isn't it?"

Tezuka chuckled. "Don't push it, Ichirou."

Oishi laughed some more, trying hard not to choke on his mouthful of food. "Ack! Sorry." He coughed twice before taking a sip of bottled water. "I'm just looking out for you, you know, after all, we're best friends."

"I know."

He sighed. "_Maa, _you never did change. Well, I wouldn't exactly have you any other way." Oishi shook his head wryly. "Maybe, if you smile more like when we were kids."

"Oi, I still smile, you know." Tezuka protested through a mouthful of rice.

His friend snorted. "_Hai, hai._" Then, he was momentarily still. "Wait, what was the title of the project you got lined up for today?"

"Ah, _Ikoku Irokoi Romantan_(6)." He said thoughtfully. "It's not the first time I'll be doing this kind of thing but I'm quite apprehensive about it."

Oishi turned to him fully. "Why?" He asked, curiosity getting best of him. After all, he was a newbie in the industry and was only working part-time. He had to learn something about how things work, and his friend was knowingly supplying him with everything he knew. They were friends. No backstabbing. Competition, yes, but enemies, definitely no. "Is it about the plot? Do you hate the script?"

"..." Tezuka went before shaking his head. "No."

"What?" Oishi asked, worried. There he was again, his motherly instinct cropping up at the sight of his disturbed friend. "Why are you hesitant about this one?"

"The cast."

"Cast? Well, all I know, from what was written in your script, you're with Itou Kentarou(7)-san and Atobe Keigo, among others... is something wrong with them?"

"None really." Tezuka allowed ruefully. "I'm just not comfortable playing a role alongside Atobe."

Oishi was intrigued. "Why not? Even if it's your first time working with him, you've worked with lots of people, different kinds at that, so what worries you about him? Koyasu(8)-san even praised you for being adaptable to your workplace..."

"He's... different."

"Different?"

Tezuka took a bite of his lunch and chewed. The small frown was still there, and it deepened a little in the duration of their conversation, Oishi observed. "He looks at me." He admitted quietly after swallowing.

"Eh? Well, he has eyes..."

He shook his head, chopsticks holding a clump of sauced rice hanging midair in between his bowl and his mouth.

"When we meet, he always **stares** at me."

Oishi had to wonder why it was so disturbing to be stared at by a co-worker.

_Maybe I should go along with him to his recording session tonight..._

**X o X o X**

Atobe was relaxing in his special seat in the Teikoku Songen's top of the line mini-studio. It was such a great day, and a most gratifying one as well. After all, he would be having another go as a seiyuu.

He did not exactly need money. After all, he was the only heir to the 'Atobe Kingdom'. He needed nothing, nothing material that is. He had never been good at relationships. His manservant, Kabaji had always been at his beck and call, however, he had never shown him enough consideration. He always worked him hard, doing the chores around the house like common house help. There was guilt, so he was always atoning for it by taking him to the nearest tennis area just to play with him because it was something he enjoyed doing. That was it. After that, it was back to being a pushover for him.

His parents were never around, and he wasn't even reduced to tears when his father died a month ago. His mother began changing then, morphing into someone new, running the businesses, running the household and running his life – until he protested. Violently. He was Atobe Keigo. No one ordered him around – not even his own mother.

Gradually, the tension around the house eased, and his mother now talked to him freely... even hugged him most of the time, being all affectionate and such. But there seemed to be something left between them, and even though it was not tearing them apart, it was not bringing them together either.

His co-workers, rather, the only people he ever had some kind of close-affinity with, were surprisingly, the most difficult ones of all... his long-term friend Shishido Ryo and his weird friend from Osaka, Oshitari Yuushi. He was with them almost always, but he just couldn't open up everything about him to them, no matter how hard they tried to encourage him to do so.

His business partner in opening the agency they were in now was the same as well. Sakaki Taro was a freelance music instructor-slash-single father-slash-ultra rich guy whom he and his mother trusted financially... and in his part, emotionally. He was honest and expected the best in everything... surprisingly, they never clashed. They were even... **_partners_** for a while, until they both decided it was better sticking with people with the almost or at least the same age as they were respectively.

And then, there was Kamio Akira, a guy who worked in this company but transferred after they broke up. They had a good and satisfying relationship before, until they began noticing different people. Now he had his own source of happiness, and he, The Great Atobe Keigo, with a figure that he wanted to claim upon sight.

Tezuka Kunimitsu was an enigma to him. He was quiet, meek, and yet with a strong personality. There was something in his eyes when he first met them directly by accident, which sent his blood roiling. He felt the need to protect. It was as if he was hiding some terrible secret he did not want anyone to know.

He was certain Tezuka might have forgotten him, since he was just a face in the crowd then. Atobe was not a seiyuu yet when they crossed paths, and Tezuka was already successful even at a young age. His deep baritone made people fall in love with him, and his quiet presence was reassuring, almost as if he was supporting them whatever their burdens in life were. His good looks were fetching, even if it were not as great as his, and even if he did wear eyeglasses, his power remained undiminished.

He was just the agency owner then, but after that incident, after their eyes met and he saw him up close for the first time, he decided to jump in the industry bandwagon and be a seiyuu... even as part-time.

And a few hours from now, they would work together for the first time.

A shiver went up his spine and he closed his eyes, revelling in the delicious aftershocks.

This was only the beginning.

**X o X o** **X**

Sanada Genichirou hated being pushed around, however, when it came to his best friend, he was instantly defeated. There was something really weird with the way Yukimura Seiichi seemed to lead him by the nose when it came to these stuff.

Why in heaven's name did he have to submit a demo tape to his own father in order to gain entry in his own company? It was stupid, and his father laughed upon receiving the tape via the equally amused top producer in his employment.

He confessed that Yukimura was the reason and he laughed even harder. It became embarrassing when his mother joined in a few hours later after charity work. Seeing nothing wrong, they decided to let him audition, and soon enough, they were not surprised to know that their son made the cut. There was no politics involved, regardless of what those who failed said. He won the slot of the company regulars fair and square.

And his best friend made it too, ironically.

He even topped him in the ranks... before he died of cancer last year.

He sighed, shaking his head as he strolled along one of Tokyo's narrow _Kantou_ avenues. He did not use his car today. It was autumn, and even if it was cold, he couldn't resist the call of nature's fiery beauty. The golds and reds around him beckoned coyly, and he was happy to be led to their ecstatic depths.

He surveyed the flowerless limbs of the sakura trees and the vivid fire of the other trees scattered around them.

They were beautiful.

He just wished there was someone with him to share the beauty with.

Just like when Yukimura was still alive.

_Seiichi... wish you're still here..._

**X o X o X**

"Tachibana-san, why are we here? I thought we were going to the studio. I still have dance lessons to go to and I still have to practice for the **Pnish**(9) stage show. I have to do my best in what I do and I need to get the viewers hyped up so I could perform just as actively in my shows. I mean, this is just a waste of time. Why do I even have to do this kind of thing? Why are you always dragging me to places that doesn't have anything to do with me? Why is everything about you? Why do I always have to go along with your plans?"

Tachibana Kippei sighed, shaking his head. "Shinji." He said, effectively cutting another influx of irritated mutterings. "We're here because I want you to do something for me, and it's important."

"But why me? Why do you want to include me in this when I don't even like what you're doing in your spare time? You're going to make me pick something up again, aren't you? What is it now, your laundry, or is it your groceries? Just because your car has suicidal tendencies doesn't mean that I'm at your beck and call... that is called 'abuse' already. You are abusing –"

"I'm not abusing anything, Shinji." He sighed, corners of his mouth quirking up in amusement. I just want you to try out early for this show they're gonna, well, **show**, in TV Tokyo next month."

"..."

"It's an anime, one by Konomi-sensei."

"I'm not a cartoon, why do I have to try out for an anime? Shouldn't animators be drawing the characters and not casting people in it? And what kind is this now? Is it like the one you did before with Shishido Ryo? What was it called again? Ah, Boys Love drama... I don't want to do that, that's gross. Such things should be kept private, you know, and why do people even listen to it? Do you enjoy listening to such things, even working as a character? Why? Why don't they, even you, just have sex with..."

"Shinji!" Tachibana's cheeks were red from embarrassment. The people around them were snickering. He could see Kirihara Akaya, a budding seiyuu; dissolve in a fit of giggles. Another, a kid wearing a Fila™ cap and holding what seemed to be a white raccoon, smirking. "This is work. It has nothing to do with my private life." He said with outmost patience. "I am **not** gay, okay? I'm straight. I'm going to say it again. This is just **work**."

"But why this kind? Don't you get disturbed? Because if it's me I'll be disturbed, after all, moaning and groaning all around isn't decent, especially since you are with lots of other people. That's so gross, don't you think, Tachibana-san? Before you work, you must've seen the manga or the novel it's based on first... like the way Suzumura10-san does. I knew that because I saw his interview over the Internet yesterday. That's weird... I think it's too much. Do you do that too, Tachibana-san? If you do aren't you –"

He had to wonder why Shinji suddenly stopped his incessant flow of words. Intrigued, he followed the stare of his friend's glassy eyes and he laughed inwardly.

At the far end of the hallway, talking to another seiyuu was the perpetual hothead, a mutual friend.

Kamio Akira.

**X o X o X**

"--NFU--"

"Stop jeering, Hajime." Kajimoto said irritably.

"--FUFUFUFUFUFU--"

"Hajime..."

"I'm sorry, it's just interesting, you know, you starring in a boys love drama... as _seme_(11)." Mizuki Hajime sniggered, as he crossed his legs demurely.

"Says the guy who almost always plays _uke_ in his dramas." Kajimoto teased wryly.

"Ah, but at least I'm more accepting of my fate! How could I resist such lovely roles?"

"You sound like a girl."

"Do I?"

"..."

"--NFU--"

Kajimoto grimaced as another sound of complete amusement reached his ears. Silent, fingering his take-home script, he decided to fold. This was work. He had to earn his living; he had to earn his fame. He had to earn everything in this industry, no matter what the roles were. He had twins to take care of, and it wouldn't do well for him to be lazy... he was working alone after all.

Kajimoto's wife was now deceased, in childbed, and he was raising their precious children alone. They were the only ones left to remind him of the person he had loved almost all his teenage life. Now he was twenty-six, and they were eight, and thankfully, still growing. He needed to support them, even if he was a kind of affluent, he didn't want to go keep on wolfing down his inheritance, no matter how huge or small it was. He was a father, and a father always provides for his children.

He closed his eyes and his hands gripped the rolled sheets of file paper.

Even if he had to do these kinds of things.

Even if he had to play a different role in others...

Even an... _uke_.

"--FUFUFUFUFUFU--"

He winced as Mizuki chortled once again, probably from the twisting his features were doing. Tiredly, he grumbled.

"Hajime... _shi-ne_(12)."

**X o X o X**

Sanada was walking around aimlessly, hands in his pockets, cap perfectly in place. The cold was not affecting him the least. He was fortunate that he was not with his friend Atobe or else he would not be hearing the end of it, walking around in such chilly weather without a proper jacket and set of gloves.

And then he would send Kabaji off, telling him to purchase some and fast, right Sanada's size.

Sometimes he had to wonder how he and the guy became friends. They were so different that one had to study their connections hard before they would be able to deduce why.

For him though, the answer was simple.

Time.

They had been together for such a long time that they had known all there was to know about each other. They studied at the same school since kindergarten, and were around each other so much that they were bombarded by each other's faces every single waking day. They pulled each other's hair, scuffed each other's shoes all throughout grade school, and then had fistfights in junior high. But during senior high, everything changed. Kabaji's family had begun serving the Atobe household (Atobe Kingdom is more like it) and they were almost inseparable, since he was an appointed bodyguard after all.

And Sanada? He was immersed in class. Yukimura Seiichi became his best friend and then, he learned to cope up with said best friend being sick, the same person who was the one who brought him together with Atobe. The three of them became friends – four, including Kabaji... Even when Atobe's father came up with Teikoku Songen, a direct counter to their established agency, Yuushousha Studios.

He shook his head. Why was he even thinking about Atobe anyway?

/_Maybe because you feel really lonely. _/

His inner voices were acting up again, as they had since... _Seiichi died._ He thought in sadly. _Seiichi..._

"_'Tou-chan_(13)! _Hayaku_(14)!"

The chorus of forceful calls made him look up and focus on a sight that was quite entertaining. Two children, fraternal twins from the looks of them, were jumping around as a much older person, obviously the father, hugged around paper bags of groceries. They were slowing him down, and he couldn't help smiling as he saw him laugh at his children's encouragement.

"Ah! Wait for your poor father!"

"_'Tou-chan_, you're slower than Kiku-chan! And he's a turtle!" The boy called out as his twin sister giggled brightly.

"_Sou da, sou da_(15)!" She agreed empathically, triggering another round of laughter from the burdened father.

"Ah, _Shikata ga arimasen_(16) _da ne_... Maybe I'm becoming too old for both of you..."

"Ah! Don't say that _'tou-chan_! You are still strong! We are still young!" the young boy said stubbornly, stomping his foot in supplication.

"Yeah! And besides, even if you are, we still love you!" The girl sing-songed lovingly.

Their father only smiled and took a deep breath before hurrying, despite the weight of his baggage.

It was fascinating, the way they seemed to be bonded together. So tightly that it made him feel nostalgic. He wasn't young anymore, and he envied the father for having such great kids to accompany him. They might look like a handful, but it must be fun dealing with them everyday.

Seeing them, focusing on them as they walked off noisily down the narrow tree-lined path, Sanada never felt more alone.

**X o X o X**

He was feeling ill.

It was not as if he hated his work. It was just that he was obliged to switch off a part of him in order to fit into the scripts given by the companies he worked on. He always had to switch off a portion of his personality in order to morph to that of what was assigned.

That was what he hated.

First off, he was not a very sociable person. And then he had to do all kinds of promotional videos where his face was plastered all over the world in support of a new anime, drama and other whatnots. He became a seiyuu mainly because he did not want to appear in anything. He did not want his face to be viewed publicly. In fact, he hated public appearances, and yet, here he was, invited to guest, or even host some seiyuu events he did not even know why they were even created.

He was just like Mizuki and his hate of singing. It was not that the guy's voice was bad; it was not his passion, which was why he did not like it. Same as he was, he didn't look bad at all, maybe even good, acceptable... he just did not like being in front of a huge number of people. It was the reason why he left when rush hour was over, no matter how tired he was. He stayed in the studio's resting area, sleeping doing anything to occupy himself while waiting for the crowd to thin out considerably before heading out.

It was pathetic, he knew, but he couldn't help it. It was ingrained in him, embedded in his psyche that he couldn't take it out no matter how hard he tried.

His daughter was left in the care of his parents most of the time he was at work, and he dared not think of how she would think of him when she was a little older. It would be hard for him to take her out on trips to the zoo or trips to Joypolis(17) in his spare time.

He shook his head, sighing as he took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. It was no good for him to get stressed before work... Oishi would be here any moment now, since he insisted on coming along to watch.

"There you are."

Tezuka stiffened a moment before stiffly putting on his eyeglasses to see the newcomer better.

He was right.

"..." He stared. It was Atobe.

Atobe raised a dark brow in what seemed like amusement. "Are you ever gonna join your co-workers before your work, ahn?" He asked wryly, entering the room, much to his dismay.

He was ready to bolt now. One wrong move on the other's part and he would be out of here. But he did not want him to know that he was uncomfortable... even scared. Tezuka did not like Atobe. He couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but he felt searing pain when their eyes melt, and he did not like it one bit. It just carried over, perhaps.

Or perhaps it was the knowing gaze Atobe seemed to direct him almost all the time. It was as if he was dissecting him and pinning down his weaknesses... as if he knew something about him that he himself did not.

And it scared him.

"I am just resting." He answered quietly, standing up and straightening his clothes. To his surprise, Atobe stopped in his tracks and just gazed at him thoughtfully, as if gauging the truthfulness of his words.

"I see. Well, Tezuka, Let's go, the director's gonna call any time now." Atobe smiled cryptically before stepping aside to let him pass.

Tezuka nodded, trying to walk calmly towards the door, until, when he was in front of Atobe, a firm hand gripped his wrist. As a reflex, his arm jerked, away, all to no avail.

Atobe's hand remained steadfast.

"_Hanase_(18)" Tezuka said, frowning, jerking his arm in a futile effort to get away.

Atobe just stared at him.

"Atobe... _hanase_..."

There was no response; just a small smile... and he let go, sauntering away, out of the room with such arrogance that it made his blood run cold.

His eyes dazedly looked after Atobe's retreating figure, and unconsciously, his other hand touched his still-smarting wrist.

_What was that...?_

* * *

**TSUZUKU**

* * *

_**A/N:** This is gonna be quite long, I can tell. XD Probably five to six long chapters after this one. X3 Let's have fun thinking of the possibilities! X3_

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1 This is from the bl drama "Aisare Tsugite Kodoku". It stars Suzuki Chihiro as Fukami (Hence Kamio), Toriumi Kousuke as Ryo, Suzumura Kenichi as Chihiro and Konishi Katsuyuki (Koni-tan! Hence the involvement of Kajimoto in this! XD) as Taiki. If given the time, I'll try to upload it in my journal, so that those who haven't heard it yet, would. X3

2 Figures, huh? It's for the guys from Jyousei Shounan! XD

3 Translates to 'Pleased to meet you'

4 The submissive one in a yaoi pair.

5 Fermented Soybeans... other people find this yummy, but sadly, even though my favourite seiyuu, Okiayu-san loves this stuff, I can't bear eat it. (TT)

6 Another bl drama based on mangaka Yamane Ayano's work with the same title. It stars Suwabe Junichi as Al Valentino (Hence Atobe's presence), Itou Kentarou as Ranmaru, and Okiayu Ryoutarou as Gondou (Reason why Tezuka is in the project in this fic) ;

7 A real seiyuu, as you all know.

8 Koyasu Takehito, Seiyuu Extraordinaire! X3 I wanna keep him, but his wife will kill me for sure... D

9 The company where Ibu Shinji's real life seiyuu, Moriyama Eiji works as a stage actor. Cute guy!

10 Suzumura Kenichi, Kamui's seiyuu. He is said to internalise his roles before recording day – yes, even the yaoi dramas. X3

11 The dominant one in a yaoi pair.

12 Die! X3

13 A sort of endearing term for a father by his child. An obvious variation of 'Otou-san', which means, you guessed it, '_father_'

14 Roughly translates to 'Hurry!'

15 Roughly translates to 'that's right, that's right!"

16 Translates to "Can't do anything about it then."

17 An infamous hangout of young people. Features games of sorts and whatnots.

18 Roughly translates to 'let go.'


	2. Dainibu : Sensui

**TITLE:** Boku no Koe A Tale of Complexities

**PART:** Two

**MAIN PAIRINGS:** Sanada Genichirou x Kajimoto Takahisa and Atobe Keigo x Tezuka Kunimitsu.

**SIDE PAIRINGS:** Kamio Akira x Ibu Shinji, Ohtori Choutarou x Shishido Ryo, Implied Hiyoshi Wakashi x Taki Haginosuke,

**GENRE:** Yaoi (Alternate Universe/ Humour/ Angst / Romance)

**DISCLAIMERS:** All the series I'm referring to in this fic, as well as all the brand names and real-life studios, do not belong to me… only this twisted story does.

**NOTE #1:** **Blah **or **_Blah _**is for emphasis. **_/Blah/_ **is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). _/Blah/_ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. _Blah _is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are. XD).

**NOTE #2:** This is inspired by Youka Nitta's manga "Boku no Koe", hence the title, but the story is not quite the same. Special Thanks to DelusionalLady for opening this topic up while we were chatting over the phone the other day. I just have to remind you guys that this is an alternate universe fic. I am not using the characters' seiyuu, but I'm using them, as themselves dubbing other stuff (i.e. Tezuka being the seiyuu of Brad Crawford in Weiss Kreuz, etc.), and Tennis no Oujisama **does exist** in this world though the characters, instead of the regular names we know, are named after the real seiyuu. I'm twisted, I know. XD I'm just reminding you these to avoid confusion, should you read this fic. **And yes, their ages are different here too**. XD

**NOTE #3:** There are records corresponding to the schools in Tennis no Oujisama. They are:

1. Kooun Limited

2. BHI (Black Horse Inc.)

3. Teikoku Songen

4. MG (Masterpieces Group)

5. Yuushousha Studios

6. PT Unlimited (Polar Talents Unlimited)

7. Hashira Kin

8. Playhouse Productions

Everything will be explained as the story goes on.

**NOTE #4:** These are mostly from the point of views of the uke; so don't be mad that the seme do not have as much screen time.

**DEDICATION:** This is dedicated to all of you guys who have had this fancy eating your brains for a long while now. We have to wonder after all, how is it working as a seiyuu? I personally have seen a friend of mine work as a 'dubber' locally, and I guess, most of the stuff here are based from what I have observed as well as based from the info I have collected over the years.

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**DAINIBU: SENSUI**

_(Second Part: To Dive)_

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Atobe's eyes sharpened as the door to the lounge opened, and in came the perpetually bickering pair, his so-called friends, Oshitari Yuushi and Shishido Ryo. Raising a brow in barely concealed amusement, he smirked. "I gather you guys are having a row about something immaterial again." He commented, earning a reproachful look from the bespectacled genius and a death glare from the prissy princess. 

"It is **_not_** immaterial!" Shishido seethed, crossing his arms across his chest. "It concerns my –"

"Sexual life." Oshitari finished laughingly, ducking immediately as his sparring partner swung.

"Ho-boy." Atobe chuckled. "What is it now?"

It was then that Shishido began ranting angrily. "This guy," He pointed hatefully at Oshitari, "Told Choutarou that I'm... that I'm..."

"Homo." Oshitari supplied, taking a soda can from the fridge and popping the tab. He smirked a good two seconds before he tilted back his head and drank thirstily. Atobe knew how it was quarrelling with Shishido. It was a never-ending battle, until the guy was satisfied that he made his point across. It was possible that they had been going at it for hours, and that made Oshitari tired.

"You don't have to finish my sentences, you jerk!"

"You were taking too long."

"_Yaro..._"

"Oi, oi, no fighting in here, this has just been remodelled!" Atobe protested as Shishido started towards Oshitari, rubbing his fists in anger. "You thrash something, you pay for it – and everything in this room doesn't come cheap!"

At that, the warring pair settled to pouting, and sat side by side on the loveseat. Shishido fingered his long hair and leant back, rolling his eyes in annoyance as did, commencing to stare up the ceiling in frustration. "Yuushi, you shouldn't have said that." He murmured quietly, almost forlornly. "Now, I don't think we could ever turn back to talking normally."

"What makes you say that?" The bespectacled guy asked curiously. "I don't think he's the type of guy who discriminates."

"So you say, but he's very conservative, that Ohtori. I already know that my chances are nil, and then you had to blow up everything with that stink bomb..."

"Then maybe he isn't the right person for you... maybe then, you are deluding yourself that you want any kind of relationship with that type of person."

Atobe listened intently to their exchanges. _Oshitari's got a point. _He analysed. _If that happens, then Shishido is wrong in choosing him as someone he could dote on..._

Shishido sighed, straightening himself and staring at the table's crystal centrepiece. "But it's him that I want for a long time now... no one else."

Silence descended as each of them turned to their own thoughts, on the matter and off. Atobe knew it was such a stupid thing to say, but it was heartfelt. He couldn't blame him; after all, Ohtori was a good catch, someone who was both dependable, and responsible for all his actions. He was someone who wanted other people's happiness rather than his. He was someone who seems so dedicated to all his tasks that he was actually named as one of the best young people in the industry.

He was much like Tezuka – only without the needless sacrifices, angst and moodiness.

He shook his head inwardly. _Of all the people to think of this early morning_. He turned distractedly at Oshitari's thoughtful features. He could practically hear the wheels in his head turning.

"Apology wouldn't solve anything." He said, adjusting his non-graded spectacles.

Shishido snorted. "Yeah, you finally figured that out, huh?"

"But that doesn't mean that we can't do anything about it."

Atobe's ears perked up. _Yuushi with a plan... hmmm... this is interesting..._

**X o X o X**

_**/His eyes closed in their own volition. His nerves were thrumming almost painfully in exhaustion. He couldn't even move a muscle, much less, say something. Laboured breathing, as laboured as his own, reached his ears, and he felt once again, an intrusion to his private space. Fingers danced on his sensitive skin, almost mischievously, and hot breath blew on his ear. **_

_**Self-satisfied laughter.**_

"_**Play with me more tonight, Tezuka..."**_

_Ato... /_

And Tezuka Kunimitsu awoke, sitting up in shock. _What was that..._ His mind screamed, as he held his head between his hands. _I'm going crazy... two days in a row... _

**X o X o X**

"No way am I gonna do that, you pervert!"

Atobe laughed, as Shishido stood up, mouth hanging open at what Oshitari just said. Just as he thought, when his friend planned something, it was going to be interesting. "Why not, Ryo, that would be direct, wouldn't it, and Ohtori is a very direct person, so he would appreciate it, _na_, Kabaji?" he turned to his manservant, who just nodded in complete agreement.

"Usu."

"You guys are freaks!" The esteemed drama queen protested vehemently. "If I do that I won't be able to face him ever again! Are you guys really helping me succeed or helping me dig my own grave?"

"Depends on how you look at it, really." Oshitari quipped in amusement. "But I'm serious. That's all you gotta do."

"Taki-san is going to kill me!"

"No. He's just the manager; so personal things don't matter to him. All he wants is Ohtori's talent. I know him well enough to tell you that."

"_Demo_(1), Yuushi... what if..."

Oshitari sighed. "Fine, if you don't want to do it, I will. How's that?"

"I dunno..." Shishido fidgeted, wringing his hands and biting the ends of his ponytail.

"There will be a CLAMP-related gathering this week and I still have three reservations left over from the seven I got from the owners of their company, you can start there. Ohtori-kun is in Tsubasa, so he'll definitely be there. If he doesn't want to, I'll urge him, I'm his boss after all."

"That's abuse of power!" Shishido chastised, "You can't just order him around!"

Atobe smirked, pushing his hair back, away from his face. "Ah, then you can consider it a favour... from a friend."

There was long silence, as Shishido seemed to consider everything. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as ideas swarmed his brain. He was going to fail, and he knew it... but then, what if it succeeded, this wily plan? He sighed, and nodded, letting out a strangled groan for the common sense that he just lost... and the dignity he would be losing soon. Honestly now, were these guys really his friends?

"Fine." He muttered. "But if this backfires, there will be hell to pay, understand?"

"_Mochiron, desu_ (2)" Oshitari said, foxy smile widening.

Atobe gazed at them thoughtfully. _Yes, it is risky... but it might work, it just might work... _

_About my problem though... _

**X o X o X**

"Ah, I suppose I'd better get up now or Ruriko will not have any breakfast..." Tezuka sighed, finally having the energy to get out of bed and start working his ass off. He was supposed to be at the Teikoku Songen Studio to have another song recording. Seriously, why did Hashira Kin cancel their intent to build their own musical studio, and instead went out and merged with the snobbish company?

He was not in the position to complain, though he knew that his rambunctious co-worker, Momoshiro Takeshi had his row with their production sector executive as well as the owner of their company. Yamato Yuudai was indeed a jovial person, but he was not one to be pissed off.

He nearly fired Momoshiro yesterday – and he was still smiling when he said the menacing words in such a happy fashion. It was creepy.

It was his second time there today, and the first time, he was lost in such opulent area that he felt suffocated, regardless of the fact that he was in such spacious place. Now, he knew he would be that way again. It was all too easy to get lost in it that it frightened him in a way... that he wouldn't be able to get out at all.

"_'Tou-chan_?"

He smiled fondly. His child came to wake him up it seemed. He quickly slipped his slippers on and ran towards the door, opening it after a couple of weak knocks. "Ah, Ruri-chan! You're so early! Came to wake me up?"

"_Un_!" Ruriko, his only daughter of six years nodded, grinning, her pearly white milk teeth gleaming under the light of the morning sun permeating through the open windows. "I came to wake 'tou-chan up... hungry..."

Tezuka smiled, eyes twinkling. "Ah, you're so cruel, Ruri... you came to wake me up just because you're hungry?" He asked in mock hurt, turning away slightly for added effect. He knew just how to tweak his child's emotions, and sure enough, she clung to his pyjamas, hugging him by the waist.

"'Tou-chan, don't be mad, I was just teasing..."

Grinning inwardly, he turned back and knelt down, bending a bit until they were at eye level. "_Hontou ni_?"

"_Hai_!"

Laughing softly, he grabbed hold of her and stood up, carrying her to the kitchen as she rubbed her little nose on his pyjama's collar. "Ah, you're gaining weight." He murmured lovingly, as he stroked her soft hair. "Soon, you'll be older and you will hate being held like this..."

"No, 'tou-chan. I will not let that happen..."

Tezuka's smile faded as memories of another woman who was once part of his life echoed in his mind.

**_/"Mariko..."_**

_**"No, Kunimitsu, we will never get a divorce – I will never consent to it!"/**_

He held his daughter tighter as they went past the living room.

_I hope what you said is true, Ruri-chan... Because if you will stray away from me, I'm sure I will die... I don't want to lose another beloved person ever again._

**X o X o X**

'Gekokujou.' (3)

Hiyoshi muttered inaudibly as the studio manager harped on him regarding the rate of success – or lack thereof – of the production for Mobile Suit Gundam4. He was about ready to tear him to pieces, he knew, and his fists clenched, itching to strike... but he couldn't do it. He just couldn't afford doing such thing. He would be blacklisted at most... fired the least. Either way, he was on the losing end, and his enemy, the fish-lipped bastard, would only be too happy to be rid of him.

No. That would be all too kind, wouldn't it?

He would just have to bombard the guy's face with his own and strive to top him in every aspect of this competitive industry.

And he was going to win.

He will come at the top, and Atobe Keigo, the current standing owner of Teikoku Songen, as well as his business partner, Sakaki Taro, would have to acknowledge him and give him his due. He nodded inwardly in satisfaction.

_Gekokujou._

And in the face of his livid superior, he grinned darkly.

_Gekokujou._

**X o X o X**

Kajimoto stared unblinkingly.

_This is not true. _He thought in disbelief. _Do I really have to have this?_

He wanted to give it back, but the promotions guy from the recording company already bid him goodbye... and he was left standing in the middle of the studio hallway, eyes glued on the cover of one of the marketed copies featuring his work.

_What am I supposed to do with this?_

"Ah, What's that?" Wakato asked over his shoulder.

"A cd." He sighed.

"What cd? Wait... that's a boys love drama! What are you doing with that, Takahisa? Are you into it now that you've tasted what it's like?" Wakato snickered, obviously aiming to bait his new friend. Now, Kajimoto was not the type to get irked easily, however, this was not funny – at all.

"Hiroshi..."

Wakato 'Tsk'-ed, wagging his index finger playfully. "You can't speak to me like that. Although I'm new in here doesn't mean that you can scream at me all you want, after all, I am older than you are!" Then, a cat-like grin spread on his face as he snatched the unwanted package from him. "Ah, it's _Aisareru_... no, _Aisare... Sugite... Kodoku _(5)... Ah, nice title! And who are the cast... uh-huh..."

A vein throbbed visibly on Kajimoto's temple. People were now watching, and his manager, Hanamura, was giggling like crazy. Even his co-worker, the ever-scowling Shinjou was smirking. "Hiroshi..."

"Ah, Hanamura-sensei! He got the part! He got the part!" He called out to the older woman. "See? See? I told you he'd be picked! Look it's even qbetter – he's the _seme_! Can you believe it?"

It took all of Kajimoto's self-restraint not to kill him.

**X o X o X**

"Ah-hah." Taki sighed as he lounged on the plush loveseat. He looked eerily catlike that Ohtori had to chuckle. Honestly, his manager had always been like this, prissy, classy and fussy. They had their ups and downs but they remained stable... and it was probably their bond as long-time partners that made him feel as if he wouldn't be complete without him.

"What is it, Taki-san?"

"Wakashi's in huge trouble." He sighed once again, shaking his head dramatically. "His director messed up with the cast list and gave the wrong orders to the poor seiyuu hired by mistake. Now they're thousands of yen richer and we are left with an unsatisfied internal media critics."

Ohtori frowned. _That's too much..._ _I feel so sorry for Hiyoshi-san._ He thought. _I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think the irresponsible director should be fired. I wonder who it is..._

At that moment, the door opened with a bang, and in came Hiyoshi, muttering to himself yet again, eyes bloodshot, probably from anger, and fists clenched hard, so much so that his knuckles were white. He was young, but he had made several amazing feats already, especially in the production department. Only twenty-nine, older than him only by two years, and yet accomplished quite a bit much. He was the youngest producer in Teikoku Songen, and was commended for it by most critics in the industry.

Compared to him, he was still lacking.

Maybe in the future, he would be as good as he was... or maybe, even better.

For now, doing his best in all his projects was enough.

It was all too obvious that the young producer hadn't noticed them yet, for he almost mindlessly sat on his swivel chair and began staring at the centrepiece of the lounge's coffee table.

Ohtori glanced at Taki, whose features softened. "Wakashi." He called out softly, tone gentle... bordering on cajoling.

Just as he spoke, Hiyoshi's head snapped up, eyes wide in surprise. "Haginosuke... Ohtori..." He murmured, straightening up immediately. "Why... since when..."

"We've been waiting for you for half an hour already." Taki smiled, a genuine one, something Ohtori only saw when they were together, and when Hiyoshi was around. He quickly sat up properly, and patted the area beside him.

Hiyoshi the trudged slowly and finally plopped on the loveseat.

And as he rested his head on Taki's shoulder, Ohtori knew he was not supposed to be present, so he excused himself, receiving a nod from them both. And he went out as quietly as he could.

Closing the door behind him, he had to smile fondly, eyes misting a little.

With deliberate intent, he flipped the sign on the door.

**+DO NOT DISTURB+**

And he wandered away, humming a tune almost lovingly, his quiet voice echoing slightly in the hallway.

**X o X o X**

"Sanada-sama... a fax message arrived this morning from TV Tokyo. Their Production Staff is calling for a mass-audition. It's going to be a huge project, I think."

Sanada looked up from the applicants list and smiled up at his trusty secretary. "Ah, thank you, Shiba-san. What am I going to do without you?"

"Probably rot away in a dungeon or be eaten alive by your competitions." She laughed animatedly. "Honestly now, Sanada-sama, you've been asking me that ever since you personally hired me for this job six years ago!" She flashed a playful V-sign before happily pattering away to Kirihara's room in an effort to coax him out of his depression.

He shook his head. Kirihara Akaya had been a handful ever since he entered the company, but he couldn't say that he didn't like him, because he did, he really did. It was just that, he seemed to always lapse into depression whenever he got ditched for another seiyuu... like what just happened this morning.

Kirihara was called up by the producer of a cd drama, just to say that he was not going to be offered the job, but someone who went by the name of Kamio Akira. It was a huge blow for him, he knew, since he was so sure that he would be chosen... after all, Sanada himself knew he was exceptional – no one in Yuushousha was mediocre. That was their motto.

He chewed on the end of his pen. _He's going to be sullen now... his first rejection, and it's not even an anime... just some random boys love drama... _Sanada never understood why such things were being created. Aren't _manga_6 enough? But he shouldn't complain... it was a source of livelihood, a source of profit, a source of fame and glory... since the market base are women – and it's a known fact that women outnumber men in this world. He shook his head, turning back to his list. _Seriously now... _

"But I was rejected... **rejected**!" Kirihara's woeful voice reverberated in the workplace.

Sanada sighed. He had stuff to do before he headed out for another production... a yaoi one.

_This is going to be a **long** day..._

**X o X o X**

"No. More. Boys love. Roles."

Kajimoto said through gritted teeth as he glared at his manager. At the corner of his eye, he could see Wakato giggling like crazy; staring at the cd he had been holding a while ago, repeating the words 'Kajimoto Takahisa – seme...' like some ancient Buddhist mantra – plus the irritating amusement.

"But you're still a bit new to this industry, you're fair game." Hanamura drawled, crossing her legs seductively – as always. "You don't have the power yet to turn down different kinds of work or else you would become stale easily."

Her words were enough to shut him up.

_I hate her when she's right..._

**X o X o X**

"_Iya da _(7)."

"But this is a huge project, you **_must_** sing in this one, not only the creators, but the fans also demand you to!"

"_Zettai iya da _(8)"

"Please, Mizuki-kun, I'm begging you... if we don't do this, we'll both be fired!"

"Let them fire us. We are **_not_** going to agree to that. I already said that I'm not going to sing, and that's that."

"But you did it in Slayers(9), why can't you just sing in Saiyuki(10)?"

"Because Cho Hakkai doesn't sing. I don't sing. So there will be no song. Period."

"_Demo_ Mizuki-kun..."

Tezuka felt sorry not for the manager but for Mizuki. He could see exactly what he felt inside. There was terror in his eyes, something akin to the restless kind... as if he was afraid of failure.

For the life of him, Tezuka couldn't understand why. After all, Mizuki's voice isn't that bad... maybe quite normal, okay, peculiarly normal, since there was no one with a voice like his in this wide world, but still, it isn't that bad. Perhaps it was a case of microphone fright? But then again, if that was the case, why did he become a seiyuu in the first place? And why was it that he sang in some anime and did not in others?

His own case was different, and he knew it. His case was something called stage fright... and camera fright, if there ever was such thing. He did not like his face plastered all around him. It scared him in a way... He shook his head, walking over to where Mizuki and his manager bickered.

"Maybe you two could compromise." He said quietly, stopping a bit before giving them a slight nod, turning almost instantaneously away.

There was silence behind him, and he wondered what happened.

Then, he heard Mizuki call out to him, and he stopped in his tracks, turning sideways a bit to show that he heard. What Mizuki said made him smile.

"I am Cho Hakkai!"

He nodded silently and trudged on, hands deep in his pockets. _Besides the fright from the glare of flashing lights, the issue I have with live appearances, is that I become the characters I bring to life... _

_When I sing character songs, I sing with their mindset... I don't just sing for the sake of the project... and I don't think it's necessary to show my face to the people because that only brings out the fact that the characters I play are only that – characters, fictitious beings drawn, entities that could be twisted upon whim. I believe that they live... and they live through me. _

_I don't want people to see me. I want them to see **them**, the ones I let live. _

_I want them to appreciate the beauty of the characters as if they are alive... and showing my face in public would only brand my future undertakings. If they don't like how I look, most of them wouldn't even think twice on not supporting my projects... or possibly, hate the characters I voice over. _

_I was Crawford_(11)_ and Crawford was I._

_Just as Mizuki is now Hakkai_(12)_ and Hakkai is now Mizuki._

_It is that simple. Mizuki knows when his characters are fit to sing... and he agrees almost immediately. _

_Yes, we really are different, Mizuki, but when it comes to work, we always internalise our characters... and look how far we've come..._

_The only thing difficult in this is that, even if we wish the whole seiyuu world to shatter, even if we wish everyone in this industry dead... _

_The only thing we can do is compromise._

**X o X o X**

Sanada knew he was running late when Shiba, his secretary started hauling him out of his chair and pushing him towards the elevator.

"Sanada-sama, you are unbelievable! Can't you manage your time for once?"

He rolled his eyes as she thrust his jacket forcefully, boxing him on the nose in the process. "Can't I help it if I'm too popular?" he asked, smirking down at her as she fixed the collar of said jacket.

She snorted, and pushed him out the moment the elevator doors opened to reveal the parking lot. "You sound like Atobe-sama... please don't say that again." She declared, rolling his eyes at him in return. "_Ja_!"

"Wait, wait! Where am I supposed to go?" he called back as he straightened up from the indignity of stumbling at a mere woman's push.

"Maple Leaf Productions, eighth floor, room 807! You're one of the producers, so collect your wits and break a leg!" Then, the doors shut, much to Sanada's dismay. _She's going to get a lower salary this month... she bosses people around too much – even me, her employer!_ He thought crossly.

Just as he got to his car, he remembered something important and glanced at his watch. Then, he groaned.

_Dammit, I forgot my keys in my desk!_

**X o X o X**

They had been waiting for almost an hour.

Kajimoto fidgeted in his seat, he was not comfortable in this, and he knew the others could see it too, for they all gave him such kind smiles, especially the weird-looking guy who was constantly exploding with laughter together with the perpetually happy one. He knew them by name of course; it was just that they were not necessarily on friendly terms with them. He was not the one to always socialise with his co-workers... and he rarely came with them after work to drink at some bar, so he hadn't made any close connection at all.

He had his children, that fact alone was enough.

He sighed, glancing at the door that had been quiet for a long while now. He knew each and every one of them was doing the same thing. Their associate producer was late, and he hated it. He hated it when people were late. If the producer came in without a drop of sweat on him, he will scream at him –

"I'm sorry I'm late!"

Then, a script suddenly came flying out, hitting the latecomer right on the nose.

"Ow!"

"That's what you get for making us all wait for your lazy ass!"

"I already said I'm sorry!"

"Sorry, doesn't cut it! Now, go to your place and we'll start!"

"Fine."

Kajimoto's repressed chuckles bubbled past his throat, and it burst out so suddenly that everyone turned to him and in a few moments of tense silence, one by one, started laughing as well.

He had never seen an executive producer being scolded that way by his subordinate.

Maybe this project, although another yaoi drama, was not such a bad thing after all...

* * *

**TSUZUKU**

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**A/N:** _I've cut the explicit stuff from here. If you want to read the whole thing, then, please read this livejournal post: http/ This is the most "adult" series I've ever produced, since I finally decided to take away all my inhibitions in fiction writing and just "go for it!" ;;; I hope it's working. XD Well, what do you think of this chapter?_

1 Roughly translates to "But"

2 Roughly translates to "Of course."

3 A saying: "Rise of the lower class." ... or something along those lines. ;

4 Hiyoshi's seiyuu, Iwasaki Masami, is the producer of Mobile Suit Gundam's movie trilogy. This is an AU... remember? X3

5 Aisare Sugite Kodoku, a boys love drama starring Kajimoto's seiyuu, Koni-tan.

6 Japanese comic books. These things, as you guys know, read from right to left.

7 Roughly translates to "I don't want to."

8 Roughly translates to "I absolutely don't want to."

9 Ishida Akira starred as **Xellos** in the anime Slayers.

10 He never sang in the anime Saiyuki... the only one he has is this weird thing where the character he's playing, **Cho** **Hakkai**, spoke while background music is being played. It's entitled "Sei Mei Sei"

11 Brad Crawford from "Weiß Kreuz".

12 You all know why this is here. XD


	3. Daisanbu : Genkai

**TITLE:** Boku no Koe A Tale of Complexities

**PART:** Three

**MAIN PAIRINGS:** Sanada Genichirou x Kajimoto Takahisa and Atobe Keigo x Tezuka Kunimitsu.

**SIDE PAIRINGS:** In this part: Mukahi Gakuto, Oshitari Yuushi

**GENRE:** Yaoi (Alternate Universe/ Humour/ Angst / Romance)

**DISCLAIMERS:** All the series I'm referring to in this fic, as well as all the brand names and real-life studios, do not belong to me… only this twisted story does.

**NOTE #1:** **Blah **or **_Blah _**is for emphasis. **_/Blah/_ **is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). _/Blah/_ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. _Blah _is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are. XD).

**NOTE #2:** This is inspired by Youka Nitta's manga "Boku no Koe", hence the title, but the story is not quite the same. Special Thanks to DelusionalLady for opening this topic up while we were chatting over the phone the other day. I just have to remind you guys that this is an alternate universe fic. I am not using the characters' seiyuu, but I'm using them, as themselves dubbing other stuff (i.e. Tezuka being the seiyuu of Brad Crawford in Weiss Kreuz, etc.), and Tennis no Oujisama **does exist** in this world though the characters, instead of the regular names we know, the anime characters being dubbed are named after the real seiyuu. I'm twisted, I know. XD I'm just reminding you these to avoid confusion, should you read this fic. **And yes, their ages are different here too**. XD

**NOTE #3:** There are records corresponding to the schools in Tennis no Oujisama. They are:

Kooun Limited

BHI (Black Horse Inc.)

Teikoku Songen

MG (Masterpieces Group)

Yuushousha Studios

PT Unlimited (Polar Talents Unlimited)

Hashira Kin

Playhouse Productions

Everything will be explained as the story goes on.

**NOTE #4:** These are mostly from the point of views of the uke; so don't be mad that the seme do not have as much screen time.

**DEDICATION:** This is dedicated to all of you guys who have had this fancy eating your brains for a long while now. We have to wonder after all, how is it working as a seiyuu? I personally have seen a friend of mine work as a 'dubber' locally, and I guess, most of the stuff here are based from what I have observed as well as based from the info I have collected over the years.

* * *

**DAISANBU: GENKAI**

_(Third Part: Limit)_

* * *

Atobe mulled over the sheets of paper in his hand. It was a good thing that he and Sakaki had given each of their talents a chance to audition in their studios for the TV Tokyo project. Yet, they were a person short, and he wasn't sure if the characters Hiyoshi plotted out through his director were sufficient in grasping what Konomi Takeshi really wanted. It was hard competing when the ones you're competing with are not at all fit for the roles they are supposed to play.

**TEIKOKU SONGEN PROPOSAL**

**LIST OF VOICE ACTORS (Tennis no Oujisama – Lead: SEIGAKU)**

**Okiayu Ryoutarou** _(Buchou)_ – Atobe Keigo

**Kondou Takayuki** _(Fukubuchou)_ – Ohtori Choutarou

**Kaida Yuki** – VACANT

**Minagawa Junko** _(Protagonist)_ – Akutagawa Jirou

**Kiyasu Kouhei** – Oshitari Yuushi

**Onosaka Masaya** – Shishido Ryo

**Tsuda Kenjirou** – Sakaki Taro

**Kawomoto Naru** – Hiyoshi Wakashi

**Takahashi Hiroki** – VACANT

**Coach **– Honjou Sumire1

**Arai** – VACANT

**Neko-chan** – VACANT

Although it was interesting, he just couldn't quite sit still seeing the line-up. There was something that wasn't quite right, and briefly, he wondered if Hiyoshi's assigned subordinate read Konomi-sensei's manga before he made the cast list. Atobe trusted Hiyoshi so much that he knew it was stupid not to trust his judgement.

"What do you think, Taro? Is this okay with you?" He asked the equally sullen person sitting perpendicular to him in the conference area.

"I am not satisfied." Sakaki took a deep breath and let it out in disappointment. "This cast list was not what I had in mind." Idly, the older man toyed with his silver lighter. "I'll talk to Hiyoshi about this."

Atobe sighed. "No, no. I think when he gives the go signal for a proposal, it's supposed to be done already."

"But there are still gaps. That is unforgivable."

"Lighten up for once Taro, we will pirate people from outside, the freelancers most of all – the best ones so we can fill the gaps."

"Just a week Keigo. Just one week. We have to accomplish that and then review before we make it to the deadline."

"It will work out to our favour, trust me."

Sakaki looked up at Atobe and a knowing smile suffused his face completely. "Right." Then, a frown crossed his face and he stood up, taking a couple of steps until he was behind him. "You are a mess." He murmured softly, large hands reaching out to massage the younger man's shoulders.

"Ah, who wouldn't be? I've been practically buried under a mountain of paperwork all week!" Atobe complained, closing his eyes and letting out a stressed breath. "And on top of that, Hiyoshi's section of the company doesn't seem to be going along well enough to meet everyone's expectations."

"Think it's his fault?" The older man leaned forward, arms ceasing their soothing kneading and folding on the back of the high-back chair.

Atobe tried not to shiver as his business partner's breath teased the hairs at the back of his neck. However, he did, and he blamed it on all those days of working too hard, stressing over production matters and playing mind games with a bespectacled someone who didn't even acknowledge his existence no matter how hard he tried.

Worst was that, Sakaki Taro, his acclaimed business partner, doesn't seem to be having such a tough time as he was. How ever did he budget his time and brain cells anyway? _Doesn't he satisfy his own needs first before everything else? Is that how he manages his time so efficiently? Work first, and then play later? That's boring! _

As if on cue, hot lips imprinted a scorching mark at his nape, and it was the beginning of what was inevitable.

Given the circumstances, it was fine, since they had been... **partners** before. He was needy and Sakaki was obviously horny. That was all there is to it, just plain physical pleasure, nothing more, and nothing less.

Just the same thing the two of them had before.

"The door." He murmured, batting his head gently against Sakaki's cheek, turning around and standing up, arms stealing around his neck as he leant close, breathing the scent of expensive perfume.

"Locked." Came the gruff response as the older man licked his neck, tasting the salt of his skin, mouth openly wandering, trailing downwards as nimble fingers opened his dress shirt, button by button.

Keening cries emanated from Atobe's throat. _Yes, he's so good at this... so good... oh! _He screamed inwardly as burning hands branded onto his skin, sliding purposefully across the broad expanse of his chest, then down, to where his tight stomach was, and then stopping right at the edge of his pants. _What are you waiting for, you tease! _The inner voice asked incredulously, his body pressing almost involuntarily against his partner.

It was not until his rump was planted unceremoniously on something hard that he realised he was pushed almost roughly to the floor. Making a noise of annoyance, he remained docile, his body surrendering to the flood of pleasure invading his nether regions as Sakaki's hand closed in on the outline of his aching shaft. It felt so good, those practiced hands working him through the cloth of his pants, and he felt the tension ebb from him completely, replaced only by the pure sensation of desire.

Atobe distinctly heard the sound of something being zipped up... or down, considering the circumstances, and he knew for sure whose it was for all the looseness his pants had, as well as the coldness of the air-conditioning unit on his bare skin.

"Ahh..."

And Sakaki's mouth descended on him.

**X o X o X**

"Tezuka-san, please wait for me!" Mukahi Gakuto called out as he rushed towards the office, breezing past the one he just acknowledged. He was going to pass his exhibition cd for a shampoo commercial, and he was in a hurry. His deadline was five in the afternoon, and it was already five minutes to five. If he did not get it through the receiving chute of Ryuuzaki Sumire, he would be dead meat.

Frankly he wasn't happy.

He had been at Hashira Kin for a long while now... and things had been going well. **Had** being the keyword.

He placed the cd on the senior producer's desk. Hastily he scribbled a note on one of the stick-on pads and stuck it on the cd case. Sighing in relief that he beat her to the office, he started to turn around.

The he noticed the sheet of paper on the far side of the desk. _What's that?_ Curious, he reached out and plucked it from the piled lot and began reading. _Final audition cut for the new anime Tennis no Oujisama... _His eyes followed each line carefully. _What's this, for a mass audition? _His heart pounded with excitement. _Maybe they've gotten landed me a good role... _His turned to the cast list and scanned the prospective voice actors. _Where is my..._

He stared.

Placing the sheet of paper back with shaky hands, let out his repressed breath. He slipped out of the room quietly, and he was greeted with the concerned features of his senpai.

"Mukahi-kun." There was a tinge of question in his voice, and it was enough to make his eyes well up. He quelled it, but it took a lot of effort to do so and he felt nothing but drained.

"Ah, Tezuka-senpai, thank you for waiting for me." He said quietly, a far cry from his normally bouncy self.

Tezuka was sure the moment his kouhai got out of Ryuuzaki's office, that there was something in there which made him so upset he was close to tears. The younger man couldn't keep anything away from him; after all, he had known him far too long and worked with his just as well for him not to know what he was feeling. Mukahi was like an open book. It wasn't hard to understand him at all.

The atmosphere was awkward as they stood facing each other.

"Tezuka-senpai, we should go... or we'll be late." Mukahi stammered, fidgeting. He did not want to look up at the eyes of the one he respected so much. He did not want to know if he knew what was in that sheet of paper. Tezuka Kunimitsu was a star in their company, and he was sure he knew everything that goes around the place. He did not want to see the pity if he did know about it.

And he thought, maybe, if he willed the pain to go away, it would.

"_Ikuzo_." Came the other's assent.

_Another boys love drama... if this continues, I'm going to lose confidence in myself, only up for commercials and voice acting for ecchi stuff._

_If this continues, I'm going to lose my place in this industry..._

_I'm going to lose the place I had worked so hard to achieve._

_Then, I'll be nothing._

**X o X o X**

"Ahh... ahh... ahh..."

"Kei... go..."

Atobe felt every thrust as they zeroes in on his pleasure point. His body was thrumming with need and it pushed in rhythm with Sakaki's forceful motion. It was delicious to say the least, and he was entwined in such purely spun bliss that he was blind and deaf to everything around him.

Nothing mattered but the flashes of red behind his lids as the hard arrow of flesh pumped into him continuously. Nothing mattered except for the absolute pleasure embracing his whole self as he neared coital paradise. Nothing mattered but the laboured breathing ringing in his ears as he struggled to reach his limit...

"Ah!" He cried out hoarsely as he came, followed by an equally hoarse cry from his older partner.

Spots danced in his eyes as he made an effort to get himself back to something resembling normalcy. He couldn't see anything but blurred images of the lounge... and an equally blurred image of someone familiar floating in his incoherent senses... seemingly stern-looking eyes boring deep into his soul... then a wink of light and it vanished, leaving him exhausted – and at a loss.

"Hmmm..." He said almost inaudibly. "That was good."

Thoughtful laughter. "Right, you really sound as if you mean it Keigo."

"Heh, whatever."

Silence.

"Keigo, I just want to ask you something that bothered me mid-fucking."

"That's a nice way to put it. You're becoming such an animal, Taro."

Sakaki ignored his quip and turned to him, eyes filled with something resembling confusion. "I'm serious, Keigo."

Atobe blinked, clearing the last vestiges of haziness in his eyes and staring right back at the older man. He could feel the cold marble floor pricking his skin but he didn't care. He didn't like it when his sex partner thought of other things while they were doing it. It was just unheard of. He frowned. "What?"

"You keep on saying 'Mitsu' over and over... is that you calling me 'honey' or you thinking you're having sex with a guy called 'Mitsu'?"

Atobe didn't answer him.

He just turned away and closed his eyes.

**X o X o X**

Tezuka stifled a sneeze, making his eyes water for a moment.

Great. He caught some virus and minute voices were muttering in his head.

He glanced momentarily at his kouhai and then back at his script. He knew what was happening, and he did not like it much. Ryuuzaki-san was playing favourites, and since their relatively new co-worker, Kikumaru Eiji was more likeable and has a wider voice range, he was slowly becoming prized in her eyes.

It was tearing Mukahi apart.

It had been going on for almost a couple of months now. Gakuto was assigned mostly on relatively low-paying boys love drama roles and television ads, while Kikumaru was signed on popular anime series, which had been pre-selected for him before. But sadly, he was demoted in replacement to Kikumaru – if he was not available.

That was what probably hurt him the most, and Tezuka just couldn't condone such thing. He was keenly aware of the fact that the company played favourites since he had always been selected as one of the main voice actors in series, approached first for jobs that were sure to be cash cows before everyone else.

He, along with Momoshiro and Fuji.

Mukahi was close becoming one – until Kikumaru came and destroyed it for him. Tezuka knew the equally bouncy young man was not to blame for it all... only Ryuuzaki-san was at fault.

He knew he shouldn't be feeling this way, since this was work, and there was no fair and unfair in any of these, but he just couldn't help feeling that maybe, since Hashira Kin is an established company, and Ryuuzaki Sumire was an infamous figure in it, the casting people of the recording companies tend to lean more on what she wanted.

_Stop feeling sorry for him._ He chastised himself quietly. _This industry is competitive. You win some... you lose some. In order to stay on top, you must have enough passion in you to last a lifetime._

He glanced at Mukahi once again.

_And you should learn how to decide for yourself on whether you are happy with what you have now or you want something more._

**X o X o X**

Kajimoto was going to go insane.

After his stint with the last boys love drama, recording companies and lots of yaoi mangaka had been asking for him. The job he did not want to be a regular of as much as possible was haunting him to no end. Like right now, he was staring at the huge pile of offer papers handed to him this morning in the production office by a snickering Shinjou, the bastard.

Okay, not exactly that huge, but for him, it was the largest amount of offers he had that came all at the same time. Of course at first, when he still did not know what the papers were for, he was excited. However, when he saw what they were **_really_** for, it didn't take him long to wish he had just chucked them off in the trash.

They were work-related offers, stuff he couldn't just turn down. All of them would fetch a nice sum of money, but he didn't like them – at all!

Boys love roles!

All **_six_** of them!

He grasped a couple of handfuls of his dark blond locks and muttered all day. Now it was three in the afternoon, he was supposed to go off and have fun with his kids on his rest day and he had brooded himself all throughout.

Sighing, he stared at them again.

"'Touchan, are you okay?"

Surprised, he immediately straightened and looked up. He just couldn't suppress a smile as he encountered the concerned features of his daughter, Akari. "I'm okay, just tired." He motioned for her to sit on his lap, which she readily did, and held her tightly. "I've been worrying about lots of things..."

"Why don't you just do them without worrying?" She asked.

"It's not that simple..."

"Why not?"

"I don't like them." He revealed gruffly, shuffling the papers absently. "They are too... complex."

Akari snuggled into him deeper. "'Touchan, aren't complex things supposed to be more fun to unravel?"

Kajimoto stiffened momentarily as memories came rushing back to him.

**_/"But Hi-chan, aren't complex things supposed to be more fun to unravel?"/_**

They were the words his late wife always said when he worried about anything. Why his daughter was the one saying them now were beyond him. She died in childbed. There was no reason why Akari would –

Unless...

No. It can't be. That was a mere fantasy. After all, who believes in such gibberish anymore?

Okay, of course many people still believe in reincarnation, like the creepy guy from Yuushousha he had the misfortune to meet a couple of months ago, Yanagi Renji. How he could walk with his eyes closed was beyond him.

He shook his head. _But I don't believe in it. I'm too pragmatic to believe in such stupidity. Akari has a point though... but what fun is it unravelling the mysteries of boys love dramas? _

Sighing, he managed a strained smile. "Maybe, Akari-chan. Maybe."

**X o X o X**

Oshitari covered in takoyaki batter was not pretty.

He was seriously worried about his friend. The bespectacled guy was seething as one of his subordinates accidentally dumped a whole bowl of the sticky slop on him and was now cowering in a corner after apologising a million times.

And he was seconds short of blowing up and firing the poor boy too, so Shishido decided that he should do something about it. Hastily ushering the offender out of the kitchen to serve the customers outside, he snatched the nearest wet towel he could find and began methodically removing the glob from his hair. "You know you should lighten up, Yuushi."

"Let's see how much you would be lightening up when you've got an idiot as a subordinate and batter on your hair." Oshitari countered angrily.

"Heh. Until the whole world bursts with happiness." Shishido laughed as he scrubbed the fast-drying ones off a reddened cheek.

"Ha. Ha. Ha."

"No, that should be 'Ho. Ho. Ho.'"

Oshitari started to smirk. "You make the worst jokes."

"That's why you love me."

"Dream on." Oshitari snorted, shaking his head slightly.

Shishido reached out to remove his glasses and started scrubbing around his eyes. "Seriously, Yuushi. You always seem to be in the worst of moods lately. Is something bothering you?"

Silence. He knew this was how everything started with his friend. The Kansai-grown guy was very careful with his words. "My mother," He started quietly. "She was asking me when I'm going to marry Etsuko."

He stared at him in befuddlement. "Who's –"

"There's no Etsuko." He revealed softly. "I just made her up."

Shishido's hands stilled. "But why?"

"I'm from Kansai, Ryo. I am bound to tradition, more than you are."

Silence.

"Don't you think she'd know sooner or later?"

"I know."

"Then why bother? I mean, why do you have to hide something like that anyway?"

Oshitari stared at his hands.

"She's got only six months left to live."

**X o X o X**

Sanada was walking along the same narrow path home. The cold did little to alleviate the pain he was feeling. He wanted to feel numb, and yet there was no respite. Bitter memories surrounded him and it hurt.

It all started when he was cleaning his office desk. He figured that it was time to do the cleaning since he knew things were going to be hectic once TV Tokyo hired them. He was sure they would get the top spot, the lead voice actors for the series Tennis no Oujisama. He was psyched to be able to play the captain... although the role seemed to be quite bland. The guy didn't say much, most probably anal-retentive as well, from the looks of the sample script given to him and the few volumes of sample manga manuscript he was lent.

Okay, so maybe the role fits him a bit, but he was not as anti-social as the anime character. One thing that made him wince was the fact that his other co-workers clearly stated he was, and readily voted him as for the role. They said even his voice fitted into the character.

Sanada was secretly hoping he would be given another role.

Like maybe he could snatch the juice-making character away from his evil clutches.

But that would be impossible. He would have more than ten people making him cross-dress as a geisha if he did that.

And Marui would stick his apple-flavoured bubble gum on his hair like what he did to Jackal a couple of months ago – when he still had hair.

He shuddered involuntarily. If Yukimura was there, he would've said he would not let them gang up on him like that. He would be given more consideration than what they had given him when they voted. His stomach twisted again.

_Seiichi..._ he sighed. While he was clearing the jumble of his office desk drawer, he accidentally came upon the photograph of him and Yukimura a year before he died. Cherry blossoms were falling all around them, swirling with the onslaught of the wind. Yanagi captured the moment when Yukimura was brushing away petals from his hair while he was obviously sleeping under one of the sakura trees in Ueno Park.

They both teased him about it, being so off guard in front of many people, while he glared and tried swiping the camera away from Yanagi's hands – all to no avail.

He had been happy then, being with Yukimura and Yanagi as well.

Now, Yukimura was dead and Yanagi had Inui Sadaharu from Hashira Kin's best friend.

He was alone.

_They're wrong._ He thought ruefully. _I'm not anti-social. _

_I am just alone._

He sighed tiredly. The trees were now denied their blossoms and he longed to see the cherry blossom petals swirl around him once again.

_And claim back what was there before._

**X o X o X**

Kajimoto finally gave up after a few hours, and he left the offers in his closet, locked so that his children wouldn't chance upon them and wonder what they were. He stood up and stretched, the hem of his shirt riding up and exposing much of his abdomen.

Slowly, he sauntered to the kitchen. When Akari and Raito woke up from their nap, they must have something to eat or they would be sullen all night long. Honestly, those two eat twice the same amount when they were younger. His late wife would have been so proud... so happy.

He longed for her still, and he found himself wishing that she would make his favourite muffins again every morning, because that is the most concrete proclamation for him that she was still alive.

But she wasn't.

He shook his head. There was no sense thinking about it. It was about time he moved on. He knew that she would think the same way should she be seeing how he was now. He was still hung up on her death and it scared him. Even after such a long period of time he was still loyal to her... to her memory.

... Maybe because he hadn't found the right person yet... but would he ever?

He opened the refrigerator and stared at the contents. He needed to go shopping. All his work had been delaying such important thing and the supply was running out fast. With purposeful strides, he rushed to the living room, picked up the phone and dialled.

Anxiously, he waited until the person on the other end of the line picked up. "Ah, hello? Hajime?"

"Yes? Who's this?" Came the careful response.

"It's me!"

There was momentary silence before Mizuki's teasing voice floated through the telephone lines. "Why hello, ME. What can I do for you today?"

A vein popped in Kajimoto's temples. "Damn you and your silly little games, Hajime." He said snarkily.

"Said the guy who came up with the same conversation last year." Mizuki sniffed haughtily, then, mellowed. "So, what made you come chasing after me?"

"Why is it that whenever someone calls you, you always assumed that they are chasing after you or something?"

"Because I'm pretty. So, shoot, what's up that you have to call right before dinnertime?"

Kajimoto shook his head and an amused smile crept on his face. "Ah, sorry about that. I just wanted to ask if you could drop by as soon as possible and have dinner with us later after I grab some groceries from the supermarket."

"Hmph! You just need someone to watch over Akari and Raito, you jerk!" Mizuki exclaimed. "Fine, fine. If they are not so cute and sweet, I will never ever consent to this."

Kajimoto could hear the smile in his friend's voice and his own widened. "You're impossible." He chuckled. "Can you make it in ten minutes?"

There was a sound of hurried movements and he assumed that his friend was rushing about with his cordless phone in hand. "Yes, yes, I'll be there. Probably sooner. Good thing I already finished practicing with the Saiyuki Reload script or I wouldn't be able to cater to your request."

"Thank you, Hajime."

"You're always welcome, Takahisa, oh wait, I'm going to bring some blackcurrants over. I got this from my uncle abroad. No one's allergic to it in there, right?"

"Nope. Thanks Hajime."

"And do I have to bring the copy of your latest drama cd? You didn't get yours, and I was wondering if you want to evaluate it or something... you know, have fun listening as well? Maybe Akari and Raito would –" Mizuki was snickering.

Kajimoto twitched. "Good bye, Hajime."

**X o X o X**

_Tako-riffic... What a weird name for a takoyaki joint, and yet, it's the best in Tokyo – and possibly the whole country. _

Sanada stared up at the signboard written in tasteful Japanese calligraphy and decided that he should just enter and relieve the empty feeling in his stomach. It wasn't sadness this time, it was hunger... after walking round and round for over two hours, his stomach finally caved in and grumbled.

He was surprised at the sheer number of people eating inside this time in the late afternoon, and it only made his stomach grumble happily as he took in the slight smoke coming from the traditional takoyaki makers as their precious commodities were being cooked.

The golden balls of what he knew would be octopus-goodness were making him salivate, and he hastily strode towards the takeout counter to get four orders and a dozen cans of iced _sencha_. Sanada was looking forward to eating them, possibly with the remaining people in the office. If no one were around, hell he would gladly eat everything himself, calories or no calories.

He was about to take his place in the long line when someone bumped him from behind. Something, which he deduced as a box of sorts dug painfully against his clothed arm, making him wince. And the digging didn't relent. For sure, his skin would have indentation marks on them if the pressure did not let up soon. Annoyed, he turned and was about when prattle on about respecting people's spaces when he was met with a towering shopping paper bags.

The one carrying them, a guy from the looks of the arms hugging the groceries, were obviously blind to everything. How the person knew where he was going was something beyond Sanada's grasp. _Must be a homing device thing... maybe he has a chip in his arm and he locates things with it... _

_Or maybe I'm reading too much science fiction scripts from my scriptwriters. _

Sanada sighed. "Excuse me." He started wearily, moving away slightly, trying not to bump against the one standing in front of him. "Could you please set your groceries down first? You're hurting my arm."

"I can't." Came the muffled response. "If I set these down, I'm going to lose them."

"You're not going to lose them." He sighed, lips quirking up slightly in amusement. "I'm not going to pilfer anything, so just set them down. There was something oddly familiar about the man's voice, and he struggled to place it.

_/Wild. / _

It was the first thing that entered his mind. Why he was thinking it, he did not have the slightest idea. If only he could see his face, he would know for sure if he knew him or not. He hated guessing games, especially if he was the one who couldn't figure it out.

"I am going to lose them."

"You're not."

"I'm going to lose them."

"You're not."

"I am."

"You're not."

"Am."

"Not."

"Am."

"No –"

"Are you guys going to argue until tomorrow morning? Because if you are, you can step off the line and go away now."

Sanada twitched. He was hungry and he was angry. What a great thing to be. And the owner of the joint was accosting him as well. "Look, Oshitari, I am a paying customer..."

"You haven't paid anything. You haven't even ordered yet." Oshitari pointed out wearily. "And you're messing up my business."

_He's got a point._ He conceded. "Fine. Be that way. I'll have ten orders please, and twenty iced _sencha_s in can to go." He turned towards the stubborn guy toting the humongous bag of groceries. "You, I'll just take your payment later. Let's settle this outside."

"Fine." Came another muffled response. "But I still won't set my groceries down."

Sanada gritted his teeth in annoyance. _Why me?_

**X o X o X**

No more tricks. He had been robbed many times before, swindled just as many times before and he was not going to back down on this fight. This was the only time he had for buying groceries, and he did not want other people to rob him of his and his children's food for heaven knew how long.

Kajimoto frowned. Raito loved takoyaki, so there he was, the good father, waiting in line for his turn at the takeout counter, while the guy in front of him growled about being injured by him. How stupid was that? He hadn't bumped into him, not even once and he was complaining? How about him? He was feeling the place with his sneaker-ed feet and was close to stumbling and would have if he did not know the way to Tako-riffic from the supermarket after countless times buying there!

There was something familiar about the guys voice though. The word _/rock/_ immediately came into mind. _Where have I heard that voice before? _The deep baritone reverberated through his spine and he couldn't help the internal shiver of its aftermath. _And he knows the owner of this place too... Oshitari Yuushi, the guy who sidelines as a seiyuu. Does that mean he knows Atobe Keigo as well? _He flushed in realisation.

He had just annoyed an important person!

_What should I do? Should I make a run for it? Should I –_

"Come, I've ordered for you as well, let's settle this. I want an apology and fast." At that, a hand closed in on his collar and unceremoniously dragged him out, bag and all. It amazed him in a way, that the guy had enough power to drag a grown man with two very heavy bags in hand.

He distinctly heard the sliding wooden door close and then a blast of cold wind assaulted him. Then, they stopped moving, and dazed as he was, he did not notice that there was nothing in hands anymore. His face was exposed in plain view. _My groceries –_

His eyes widened.

"Sanada... san?"

**X o X o X**

Mukahi wasn't someone who could talk about things easily, yet there he was, sitting across his senpai over coffee, and he just let out all his ill feelings. "Tezuka-senpai, that was the last straw. Ryuuzaki-san cast me as a cat and gave one of the lead roles to Kikumaru-kun. I don't want to stay here anymore. I will not grow in this place."

Tezuka remained silent, contemplative. "Is that how you really feel, Mukahi-kun?" He asked quietly. "If you resign, you will have a hard time finding another production company to hire you, since your track record these past few months weren't exactly impressive."

"All thanks to Ryuuzaki-san." Mukahi grated out in a low, wrathful voice.

Adjusting his glasses, Tezuka nodded. "But I know two companies who could probably take you in, provided they like what you have to offer – your voice quality."

The redhead looked down at his untouched plate of Belgian waffles. The ice cream already melted and the waffle was thoroughly soaked, the ideal way for him to enjoy it, but his stomach felt queasy. He pushed it away, looking back up to meet Tezuka's unwavering eyes. "Do you think I'm qualified, senpai?"

The bespectacled man nodded, a small smile marring his solemn features. "Definitely."

"Are they good companies?"

"Two of the best."

"..." There was an unspoken question in Mukahi's silence.

Tezuka sipped his iced latte. "Playhouse Productions has two openings next month. You have to wait until then and hope that Saiyuki doesn't forfeit their choice of you mid-season or you would be penniless for a whole month. After all, they hired you when you're under contract to Hashira Kin." He set his cold glass down on the wooden cherry wood table and levelled him with an encouraging stare. "PTU is always an open option, but seeing that you don't exactly go well with having Fuji's younger brother in your face twenty-four-seven, I think it's a bad idea."

Mukahi's eyes widened. "Wow, Tezuka-senpai, you really know a lot of important people..."

He shook his head. "Just a case of having good friends despite my boring exterior." He quipped, face straight, not showing any sliver of humour except for the way his eyes glittered in amusement.

The younger man chuckled, shaking his head. "Tezuka-senpai..."

"Do as your heart wishes."

Tezuka's eyes bored into his and he was unnerved. He tried hard not to show it, but he knew he failed. Pain lacerated his senses again and he felt as if he was close to cracking as memories of unfair judgement and favouritism leaked into his heart. Then, said eyes softened. Only during that moment did he fully realise and felt that his senpai was truly intent on pulling him out of his misery.

"If you're not happy with what you do and with where you are right now, it is never too late to let yourself be content."

His heart sped up. It was there, he only had to read between the proverbial lines and he would find his way to his own utopia. "You mean you really think I should –"

"If I were to ask you, Mukahi-kun, as to what you would choose to believe, the screams of your mind or the whispers of your heart, which one would it be?"

_Leave._

It all suddenly seemed so clear.

A smile stealing into his face, he hurriedly stood up and bowed low. When he straightened up, new hope filled his heart. "Thank you, Tezuka-senpai!" He murmured happily, quelling the urge to hug him.

"Yudan sezu ni ikkou."

He walked out of the coffee shop happily, leaving behind his senpai, still nursing his glass of latte.

**X o X o X**

Oshitari shook his head incredulously as he stared out at the two troublemakers standing outside the shop windows.

He could see a spark between the two as clear as day.

_This is interesting... _

He snickered, rubbing his chin in supplication.

_Maybe I should bet with Atobe and Shishido on what the result would be..._

**X o X o X**

"I know you... you were the one who laughed at me before the Wild Rock drama recording." Sanada said wryly. "I should have known."

He saw the other frown. "Sanada-san. You robbed me. How could you?"

He raised a questioning brow. "Robbed you? Au contraire, **you** are the one who owes something." He motioned to the huge bag bearing the mark of Tako-riffic. "You haven't paid me for your takoyaki and sencha yet."

"Oi, I wasn't the one who ordered for myself! I'm only supposed to order two and you ordered me three!"

"Five."

"Fine. **_Five_**." Kajimoto glared. "How do you expect me to pay for that? What if I don't have that much money to buy five? What if I –"

"It's free."

"Free? Ha! Yeah right, there's no free in the world anymore. How could you even dare to think that I would fall for that trick?"

"I'm giving them to you."

"Give me back my groceries or else... eh?"

"I'm giving them to you."

Sanada's amusement knew no bounds as the other reddened in mortification. "You are..."

"I'm giving them to you." He repeated for the third time. "You're the most realistic person I've ever seen in my entire life. Try to lighten up sometimes." He smiled. "How about I take you back home? If I don't, I'll be worried, thinking you might get into an accident with the way you hold your grocery bags."

Kajimoto was speechless.

Sanada smirked.

"I'll take that as a yes."

* * *

**TSUZUKU**

* * *

_**A/N:** It took too long for me to finish, since I had no time at all these past two weeks. ; I hope you like this!_

_1 Sorry for OCs, there aren't many women in TeniPuri... ;_


	4. Daiyonbu : Inshou

**TITLE:** Boku no Koe A Tale of Complexities

**PART:** Four

**MAIN PAIRINGS:** Sanada Genichirou x Kajimoto Takahisa and Atobe Keigo x Tezuka Kunimitsu.

**SIDE PAIRINGS:** Kamio Akira x Ibu Shinji, Ohtori Choutarou x Shishido Ryo, Implied Hiyoshi Wakashi x Taki Haginosuke,

**GENRE:** Yaoi (Alternate Universe/ Humour/ Angst / Romance)

**DISCLAIMERS:** All the series I'm referring to in this fic, as well as all the brand names and real-life studios, do not belong to me… only this twisted story does.

**NOTE #1:** **Blah **or **_Blah _**is for emphasis. **_/Blah/_ **is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). _/Blah/_ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. _Blah _is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are. XD).

**NOTE #2:** This is inspired by Youka Nitta's manga "Boku no Koe", hence the title, but the story is not quite the same. Special Thanks to DelusionalLady for opening this topic up while we were chatting over the phone the other day. I just have to remind you guys that this is an alternate universe fic. I am not using the characters' seiyuu, but I'm using them, as themselves dubbing other stuff (i.e. Tezuka being the seiyuu of Brad Crawford in Weiss Kreuz, etc.), and Tennis no Oujisama **does exist** in this world though the characters, instead of the regular names we know, are named after the real seiyuu. I'm twisted, I know. XD I'm just reminding you these to avoid confusion, should you read this fic. **And yes, their ages are different here too**. XD

**NOTE #3:** There are records corresponding to the schools in Tennis no Oujisama. They are:

Kooun Limited

BHI (Black Horse Inc.)

Teikoku Songen

MG (Masterpieces Group)

Yuushousha Studios

PT Unlimited (Polar Talents Unlimited)

Hashira Kin

Everything will be explained as the story goes on.

**NOTE #4:** These are mostly from the point of views of the uke; so don't be mad that the seme do not have as much screen time.

**DEDICATION:** This is dedicated to all of you guys who have had this fancy eating your brains for a long while now. We have to wonder after all, how is it working as a seiyuu? I personally have seen a friend of mine work as a 'dubber' locally, and I guess, most of the stuff here is based from what I have observed as well as based from the info I have collected over the years.

* * *

**DAIYONBU: INSHOU**

_(Fourth Part: Impression)_

* * *

"Nya!" Kikumaru complained, placing both hands behind his head in a gesture of surrender. "I can't believe your energy Tezuka! For someone so quiet, your voice is so powerful! I can't even compare!"

"Ah, of course, this is **The **Tezuka Kunimitsu, and you are but a mere mortal!" Momoshiro laughed, slapping Kikumaru on the back so hard that it made him wince.

"Well, you are **The** Momoshiro Takeshi too, you know, so you shouldn't be saying that to your number one competitor in this company." Inui butted in, eyes scanning his notes. He was a new manager, and he was now taking care of both Momoshiro (His manager quit on him) and the relatively new blood, Kaidoh. Tezuka eyed him thoughtfully. He must be careful of the guy; he seemed deadly – in a manager-y sort of way.

"But they are still friends, both of them." Fuji said casually after taking a sip of his warm lemonade. "So cut poor Takeshi-kun some slack." His eyes were showing, and their blue depths seemed to unnerve Inui for a moment, making him rearrange his glasses on his nose quietly.

Tezuka sniffed. "Everyone has his strengths. There's no use comparing." He said quietly, turning away from them and walking purposefully out of the lounge area.

"Tezuka-san, we have a meeting with Ryuuzaki-san in a few minutes!" Echizen, another newcomer called out, his eyes not straying away from petting his cat.

Tezuka did not even spare him a glance.

He continued, shutting the door soundly behind him in answer.

**X o X o X**

Mukahi's eyes were glazed as they gazed far off to the darkened horizon. He was nervous about this. He was going to strike off on his own after what he was about to do, and frankly, he knew the road wouldn't be easy. However, given the circumstances, he believed that it would be better for him if he were to get out rather than be buried under the unjust running of his workplace.

Footsteps echoed in the long narrow hallway, and he immediately snapped to attention, only to relax as the familiar sight of Tezuka Kunimitsu under the bright fluorescent lights entered his field of vision. "Tezuka-senpai." He raised a hand in greeting, nodding once before turning away again and staring off to the horizon. The skies were beginning to clear after a whole couple of hours rain, and he felt his mood brightening a little as well. Maybe everything would be alright after all, if he considered this an omen.

The quiet sound of rustling cloth made it known that Tezuka had joined him. They were both silent, each occupied by their own thoughts. Finally, he spoke.

"Do you think I'm making the right decision, Tezuka-senpai?"

There was no answer, just quiet companionship, but the answer was simple, he knew.

"We have a meeting with Ryuuzaki-san in a few minutes, prepare yourself."

With that, Tezuka patted him warmly on the shoulder and sauntered away. Mukahi's lips parted in a relieved smile.

_Tezuka-senpai... thank you._

**X o X o X**

"Eh? An anime? Tennis?"

Ryuuzaki Sumire, the head of the production group Hashira Kin, placed her hands on her wait and nodded proudly. "The management of the dubbing contacted me, saying that Konomi-sensei, the one who made the manga, decided that it would be best that our company be the voice actors for the lead characters of the series. We have many people here and they would want to audition, so be prepared even if the whole thing is pre-arranged... you never know." I've told your managers that I want you guys to fit in one day as much as possible."

"Nya? All ten of us?" Kikumaru Eiji, the one with the most diverse voice among them, asked unhappily. "Wouldn't that be too crowded?" He played with a can of Ponta, earning a chastising look from his best friend, Fuji Syusuke – chastising look the Fuji way – with weird rainbows for eyes and pursed lips.

"Eiji, stop jangling it so much, or else it will spray all over you when you open it." He reminded him gently, patting the redhead twice almost patronisingly.

"Hai, hai!" Kikumaru sighed and then grinned at him, flashing his most famous V-sign before tossing the can and making a show of catching it in midair.

"What companies were considered along with ours?" Momoshiro asked, taking a bite of his shrimp sandwich.

"Ah, Yuushousha Studios primarily, though I don't understand it at all, considering the fact that they are obviously the best in the business..." Ryuuzaki said, suddenly wary. "And then there's Playhouse Productions... and then... surprisingly, Teikoku Songen – I honestly thought they would rank high up with Yuushousha, but it didn't happen."

Momoshiro spat his food; fortunately it did not reach the perpetually moody Kaidoh Kaoru, sitting across him. "What?" He cried out in disbelief. "Why did he do that?"

"I have no idea." She shrugged. Maybe he liked the demo cds the company head gave him and TV Tokyo... or maybe it's because Tezuka, Momoshiro and Fuji are here. I have no idea."

Tezuka sat quietly, sipping his _sencha_ absently.

_Why indeed..._

**X o X o X**

Atobe was livid with rage as he glared at his studio manager. He had half the urge to actually fire him, if not for the insane way the older guy seemed to cling to his pant leg just to stay on the payroll, sputtering things like loyalty, service and such. It was annoying, but a part of him felt a twinge of pity... and then he couldn't do it. He had half the heart to hand the situation to his partner, Sakaki Tarou, but pity won and the anger subsided gradually.

Sakaki was not someone who forgave easily.

"Fine, go back to your post. I'm just going to deduct the overhead cost from your salary... around thirty thousand yen per month. That's it. Just make sure this doesn't happen again." He grumbled, ignoring the scrambling of his subordinate in haste to get out of his office, and finally staring back at the result of the proposed line-up for the predetermination of the primary cast for Tennis no Oujisama. _Well, if everything goes with the manga storyline, there would be other parts to audition to. This is a big project, and they will require voices fit for the characters. Next to the Seishun Gakuen cast, there are still..._

_Wait... _His eyes widened. _Hashira Kin? Isn't that where – _His eyes scanned the rest of the printed report. _He's been assigned for one of Konomi-sensei's favourite characters..._

At that moment, Atobe felt like he was being left behind.

**X o X o X**

Kajimoto woke up with a huge block of concrete pounding his head to smithereens. Well, not exactly concrete, since he didn't exactly know how that would feel (For sure if that happened, he wouldn't live long enough to feel it again, right?), but **_something_** was definitely pounding his head.

Or rather, something was definitely pounding **_in_** his head... like a built-in hammer in his brain.

Groggily, he sat up, bleary eyes blinking, trying to attain a sense of normalcy in the otherwise unfamiliar environment. He could vaguely see tons of manga lining an area of a built-in shelf and a neat pile of cd cases placed on several smaller books lying about on the shelf ladder.

It looked as if he was in his room, but his own was not as orderly as this. Well, if Mizuki did some spring-cleaning (Which didn't really apply since it wasn't spring yet. Was he getting the meaning of the word right? What the heck, Mizuki was such a neat freak anyway) that was quite logical... but the books... they didn't seem to be the ones in his room...

His vision suddenly cleared. Panicking, he looked around, wide-eyed. It was not his room! He was not at home! Where –

"Ah, you're awake."

It was the fairly deep voice that made him look up in horror. His brain was turning to mush as he stared at the controlled movements of the newcomer. His eyes widened even further when his horror began to sink deep into his bones. "You –"

An amused chuckle. "Ah, so you've really forgotten... what happened last night..."

Kajimoto closed his eyes and pressed his hands on his ears. "No! We didn't..."

"Oh, but we did."

He must be dreaming! This thing happened just in yaoi dramas, so why was it that this was happening to him? He had never even been in a yaoi-related thing in his personal life! Could... could his work be affecting him subconsciously? _No... This isn't happening..._

"Iced sencha sure is intoxicating, isn't it?"

_Iced... sencha? Who in heaven's name got drunk just by drinking iced green tea?_

_**/You, obviously. /**_

_/**Oh shut up. .**_

Great, a voice was now muttering weird stuff in his brain. Maybe green tea was really intoxicating.

_Or maybe pigs can now fly_.

He shook his head and glared at the straight-faced guy looming over him by his bedside. "Liars go to hell, you know." He grumbled, crossing his arms across his chest in defiance. "You're being evil today."

"Aren't I always?" Sanada retorted. "What do you want for breakfast, bacon or eggs?"

Kajimoto reddened considerably, glaring even more. "Don't say it like that, that's obscene."

"Oh, sorry I forgot your yaoi drama voice acting is affecting you tremendously."

"It is not!" He protested, starting to rise from the bed, only to fall off over the edge, pain shooting through his tailbone as it connected with the cold, hard floor. "But wait, how did you know that?"

_Is this guy a spy in his spare time? Why does he know about my problem with my yaoi projects? _Maybe he said something about it last night... when he was out of it! What happened last night anyway? He definitely had no idea on what had happened last nigh – _Oh no._

His eyes widened in horror. Memories were now rushing back and he was feeling mortified second by second. He got out of the house stressed and with an unstable mind and he had an argument with this guy over takoyaki and money. Then they drove by his house and delivered the Takoyaki to his children and Mizuki, who was staring at him and Sanada, gaping like a fish in shock, and then... _we drove off since Sanada invited me over to commiserate over green iced tea as an apology... and then went to his house and while we drank..._

_Oh no._

"You're just tired." Sanada seemed to sense his growing mortification and he patted him consolingly on the shoulder. "Let's just go have breakfast. I had the cook, prepare food for us.

_I can't remember what happened after I blurted everything out... I must've been **really **out of it that I can't remember anything at all! I can't believe I can lose control of myself even if I'm not drunk!_

"I'm sorry..." He started, only to be cut off by his host.

"No problem. You owe me another round for making me suffer your endless work-related litanies."

Kajimoto was confused.

"Another round?"

Sanada smirked and started for the door. Purposefully, he opened it and looked back at him with a coy expression on his face. "It'd be better if it's in bed this time. The living room isn't for you, you're quite scandalous... you moan and groan a lot, you know." A wicked grin forming on his lips now, he quickly closed the door.

Kajimoto just let fly a pillow, unfortunately, missing its target and hitting the door dead centre.

**_Pervert!_**

**X o X o X**

Sanada was snickering as he made his way down the stairs.

It was so easy to get a rise out of Kajimoto, and he found it extremely entertaining and extremely fascinating. He certainly had a lot of issues too, and it made him want to take apart all of it and make them his own so he could help him ponder them as well.

He was amusing to be with when stressed too. He never knew such normally quiet guy would be like that when faced with difficult things.

_Last night, just to make him shut up..._

Closing his eyes, he touched his lips, the tip of his tongue touching the apex of his index finger.

_He tastes good too... but I guess he doesn't have to know that, does he?_

**X o X o X**

Atobe slumped on his seat.

He hated this feeling.

He was helpless and people whom had never been much in the limelight until recently defeated him. Hashira Kin was a relatively new company, and they only pirated a few freelance people just so they would have a better shot at fame.

Yamato Yuudai was good.

Real good.

If only Old Hag Ryuuzaki did not nab Momoshiro, his father would've gotten to him with better benefits and less management remittances.

If only Yamato didn't have Tezuka's loyalty, they would've gotten him too.

And then he wouldn't have to suffer much, not seeing him often... and he wouldn't have this tasteless desire to knock him off his pedestal in the industry and claim him as battle spoil.

He sighed, closing his eyes tiredly. _They say a person's personality shows through song. I want to see him sing. I want to know more about who I desire to be mine. I want to see if he has the passion not only in voice but in how he conjures the apex of his voice's potency as well._

_Ah, I really got it bad. _He chuckled humourlessly. _So bad... but I don't want this feeling to go away. It doesn't matter if it hurts like hell. It just means that I'm still capable of loving others more than I love myself._

_Now they can't call me a narcissist anymore._

_I just don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing._

**X o X o X**

Breakfast had been tense, mostly in his part, but Kajimoto was not one to dwell on such senseless thing – even if it the growing tension was gnawing at him on the inside.

Sanada was driving him home, and he was fortunate that he did not have any scheduled recordings in the morning, so he was free to take his time and take pains in maintaining his composure in the face of such a man as his temporary host.

Silence.

It was deafening and he struggled not to drown in it by entertaining the tune that hummed in his head. It had been almost ten minutes now, and he was still doing it, eyes fixed on the scenery passing by his side of the window. He was used to silence, but this one was not normal. The emotions carried over from last night had a huge effect on his current situation. He did not like it, but he was not going to break it and do another silly thing before Sanada again.

Just once was enough.

"It's a nice song."

Surprised, he immediately turned to Sanada. "What?"

"The song, the one you're humming."

"But I'm not – "

"You are. That's why I said it's a nice song."

Kajimoto wanted to stick a totem pole up his ass in embarrassment (The yaoi was etching itself in his brain, he soon realised after thinking that)."Oh."

Silence.

"So, what song is it?"

"Pardon?"

"The song you're humming. What's the title?"

He reddened. "There isn't any, it's just a random tune I've been thinking up for the past few days."

Sanada spared him a glance before turning back to the road. The red light blinked, and immediately, he stepped on the brakes, temporarily stopping the car and turning to him fully. "It's a nice song. Why don't you write lyrics for it?"

"I'm not really good with writing songs, so..."

"You shouldn't say that." The truck behind them honked impatiently. The green light was now on and Sanada honked back in irritation before driving quickly away. Kajimoto had to smile inwardly. He looked positively harmless as he did that, and it was a wonder to him why others thought of him as someone who would go out in a murderous rampage once irked terribly. They obviously didn't observe him well. "I think you can do it. You're very talented, you have great potential."

Kajimoto snorted in disbelief. "You say that now, but you and your father did not say that before when I auditioned for an opening in your company years ago." He said flatly.

"Before, you didn't have enough talent for the company to consider you. If you apply now, you'll have a good change of getting in. Shoo-in."

He shook his head. "Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome."

**X o X o X**

Atobe got up from his seat half an hour later.

Tezuka had an album recording in Teikoku Songen in a few minutes.

He didn't want to miss it.

_Prove it to me once more, Tezuka. Prove to me that you are indeed worthy of my affections. _

Crumpling the piece of paper where the day's schedule was written, he strode purposefully out of his office.

**X o X o X**

Tezuka could feel someone staring at him, and he tried not to show his unease. He had a pretty good idea where it was coming from and who was doing the staring, but he did not want to acknowledge anything at this point. Beads of sweat filmed his temples as he stared, trying to focus on his lyrics folio.

Imagine how thankful he was when the person beside him nudged him on the ribs, making him frown as the light jab stung, his eyes glaring a bit at the perpetrator. "..." He raised a brow in question.

The other smiled at him warmly. "You seem distracted."

It was the hair that made him recognisable. No matter how it was dyed, it was still the same. "Wakato-san." He acknowledged, nodding once before he turned back to the folio, eyeing it with deadly focus.

"Ah, you're always the quiet one." He quipped good-naturedly, not minding the seeming disinterest of him. "You seem troubled."

"..."

"You seem bothered."

"..."

"You seem distressed."

"..."

"You seem –"

"I know. Please stop repeating your observations."

"Well, you weren't answering." Wakato sighed, shaking his head and pushing his hair back away from his eyes. "I was asking you a question."

"**_Questions_**. They didn't sound like questions, like I said before, they sound like observations."

"Tezuka-san." Wakato murmured, sounding weary all of a sudden. "Do you know that by always being so obstinate you're letting other people entertain thoughts of manipulating you?"

He turned to him, surprised. "What do you mean –"

He motioned to the right, and Tezuka stiffened. "The owner of this studio has been staring at you ever since we came here." He said quietly. "He seems – absorbed by your presence."

There was a hidden question in those words, and frankly, he did not know how to react, or what his response should be, partly since he did not exactly know what kind of game his seeming stalker was cooking up.

"..."

Fortunately, he was spared from it all.

It was his turn.

**X o X o X**

Wakato regarded Tezuka as he sang in the recording booth.

Although his physical features remained quite the same, the sparkle in his eyes before, that lone light that made him shine even in his silence, was continuously dimming and he had to wonder why. Ever since their Sailor Moon days, he had always noticed him. He had been in the cast all too quickly, but the takes were usually too long and out of schedule that he kept on going back day after day, fixing his schedule to squeeze in forty minutes free for the recording. Tezuka had been part of Super S as an antagonist, and he piqued his interest.

His eyes, though quiet, conveyed too much that it was easy to get bombarded with so much hidden emotions that he actually had to take a small step back upon chancing those eyes gazing at the door he got through then.

In the other projects that they worked with, it was the same, though after two whole years after almost not seeing each other, it was a shock to see Tezuka's eyes so dull... and now, they've gotten less duller – and more troubled.

Wakato just did not know whether he should be relieved of it, since duller usually meant hopelessness, or be concerned since troubled means he was being harassed. He shook his head. Why did he care anyway? Sighing, he turned away and caught the eyes of the owner of the studio they were recording in.

_Maybe because the look in Atobe's eyes is predatory..._

He shivered inwardly, finding it hard to stay focused on those frightening eyes.

_I have my own troubles to deal with. If Tezuka doesn't want me to help him, I won't meddle with his affairs... I'll just... Keep a look out, just in case..._

**X o X o X**

_Not enough..._ Atobe thought, eyes searching for the kind of passion he was looking for. _That's not enough for me, Tezuka... what are you doing? Is that how you really are when you say you are 'putting your soul in your voice' when asked about your singing? _

He wanted to shake him. He turned away in disappointment.

_Tezuka... is this all you've got?_

**X o X o X**

After endless questions by Mizuki, after more than two hours of relaying what had happened last night, he finally had time to himself. His children went to school already, their dutiful _uncle_ _Hajime_ seeing them off while their biological father dallied off with someone who seemed so straight-laced, but actually a closet pervert at heart.

Their father who was informed through SMS that he had an email with audio attachments available for him to **_enjoy_**.

Kajimoto's hands were shaking as he opened his inbox.

In compliance with his wishes, which, for the first time was granted by the company he worked on a couple of nights before, he had not been given a personal copy of the drama but an mp3 version sent via email.

_I have to get used to this. _He thought nervously. _They actually agreed with what I wanted, so that means I'm getting somewhere in this industry. Soon, I'll be able to handle my own schedules... just work harder than before and I will break through..._

The mouse pointer hovered above the 'delete' button, and for once in his life, he felt like what he was doing was wrong – like he was about to plan on mugging someone.

_Just one click and I'll be free to exist already... peacefully... without images of naked men doing **things** to each other... just one click..._

And the lights went out.

"ARGH!"

**X o X o X**

He was on his way to singing the chorus when the lights suddenly went out. Tezuka stiffened momentarily before he finally relaxed in the darkness. He closed his eyes and leant back against the padded wall, sliding down until he was sitting helplessly on the carpeted floor.

He was not himself today. His energy seemed to be zapped out of him. It would be a great disappointment to listen to this album when it comes out. That he was sure of.

He cradled his head in his hands and cleared his mind.

Just as he was succeeding, he felt the air from the heater assault him, signalling the return of electricity. The blast of warm air startled him, even more so when a familiar voice rang in his ear.

**_/"Tezuka, you disappoint me. /_**

It was Atobe.

**X o X o X**

The electricity was back and Atobe grabbed the perfect opportunity to say what he wanted to. His deft fingers turned off the speaker and he put on the headset.

"Tezuka, you disappoint me." He murmured into the receiver quietly. His insides were churning. He felt like he was misjudging him, and yet, what he had seen earlier...

There was a moment of disoriented silence before Tezuka responded.

"I know."

And suddenly, Atobe was at a loss for words. He was not expecting such response. _Was he doing it on purpose? _

Trying to salvage his composure, he snorted mockingly. "Make sure it doesn't happen again then." He retorted before starting to take the headset off.

When he finally did, he had just heard Tezuka murmur.

"What I do and not do, does not concern you..."

_But it does, Tezuka, it does... and I still have to figure out why._

And he wandered off, dropping the gadget carelessly on the carpeted floors, a pair of eyes watching him as he disappeared behind the heavy padded doors of the workplace.

**X o X o X**

Shinji was muttering like hell after the electricity went out a couple of minutes before and was still muttering non-stop when it came back. Kamio wondered as to how much of a motor mouth his new friend was. It was scary, when you think about it, especially with the dark cloud hanging above him, a hair's breadth from turning to a full-pledged cyclone of emotions that would definitely hurt the person at arm's length.

Unfortunately, he was the nearest one, and the most definite target.

Damn Tachibana for leaving him alone with the guy.

Damn Ann-chan (However adorable she may be) for calling her brother and making him leave him alone with the mumbling psycho.

Damn himself for not daring to leave because he didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings.

Yeah right, who was he kidding? He had gotten quite fond of Shinji ever since they had been introduced. He had been watching his stage plays for a long while now and he was a huge fan. He was just too happy to know that Tachibana was a common friend and that they were introduced. So why was he ever going to think of leaving the muttering idiot on his own? At least, with him, it didn't seem weird. Others would think they were talking, or rather, Shinji was talking, and **_he_** was listening.

He was actually listening, but it got worriedly weird when Shinji started making scary faces... like he was going to maul him or something. Sighing, he decided to try stop the flow of words and reached out to tap him on the shoulder.

It didn't seem to work. Kamio tried one more time, harder. He swore that if he did not pay attention to him, he was going to brain him.

"What?" Shinji asked in irritation as he focused his scary look on him. Kamio wanted to hide, but the thought of doing so repelled him. He was a reputed hothead, why in heaven's name was he going to hide? He was more courageous than Momoshiro could ever be!

"You have to practice your lines. You might forget them." He answered meekly.

The scowl on Shinji's face lightened. "I memorised them already."

"Really? Well, you never know..."

Shinji gave him a semblance of a very fond smile. "Akira – I never forget."

Kamio couldn't say anything.

He was drawn to his companion's deeply longing gaze.

**X o X o X**

_Chikusho... Why did I ever decide to leave the company in a very windy day?_ Mukahi groused as he lugged his belongings to where his apartment was. He closed his eyes and stopped, not caring if the person behind him spouted curses as fast as lightning.

He was tired, lost, and so utterly alone. He was being too melodramatic about it, but it was exactly how he felt.

Cold wind blew on his face, and he turned his face up to feel it brush almost painfully across his cheeks. The thought of Marui, his gum-loving cousin assaulted his memories. _Ta-chan would be so happy to be out in this kind of weather... I hope he's doing well in Yuushousha... _

He was beginning to open his eyes when a sheet of poster paper slammed on his face. Muttering curses, he growled in complete annoyance, peeling it off his face. He was about to toss it away when he saw what seemed to be the word 'audition' at the corner of his eye.

He quickly straightened the sheet as neatly as he could and read its contents.

A smile crossed his face for the first time since he got out of the building.

_Teikoku Songen... an audition tomorrow at eight a.m. ... _

_Arigatou... Kami-sama._

**X o X o X**

He was depressed.

He had never heard his voice this dull. Ryuuzaki-san was happy with it, but he wasn't. He definitely wasn't. Leaning back tiredly against the back of the plush leather swivel chair, he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Atobe was right.

It was disappointing.

He just couldn't believe that someone who was new to the industry had so much negative words for his work last night. If he had any tears left after all he had gone through, he would've cried. It was such a silly thing to cry over but he wanted to.

What was he doing? He should've not let himself be sold off like that. His voice was his, and he chose the projects he should work on, not let Ryuuzaki choose them for him.

Limply, he reached for the remote and turned the stereo system off, his own singing vice dying in his ears as the power went off, his headphones useless. It was high time he and Yamato-kachou did some serious talk.

**_/You disappoint me, Tezuka. /_**

Atobe's voice reverberated in his brain.

_I know, Atobe... I disappoint myself too._

* * *

**TSUZUKU**

* * *


	5. Daigobu : Okonai

**TITLE:** Boku no Koe A Tale of Complexities

**PART:** Five

**MAIN PAIRINGS:** Sanada Genichirou x Kajimoto Takahisa and Atobe Keigo x Tezuka Kunimitsu.

**SIDE PAIRINGS:** Oshitari Yuushi x Mukahi Gakuto

**GENRE:** Yaoi (Alternate Universe/ Humour/ Angst / Romance)

**DISCLAIMERS:** All the series I'm referring to in this fic, as well as all the brand names and real-life studios, do not belong to me… only this twisted story does.

**NOTE #1:** **Blah **or **_Blah _**is for emphasis. **_/Blah/_ **is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). _/Blah/_ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. _Blah _is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are. XD).

**NOTE #2:** This is inspired by Youka Nitta's manga "Boku no Koe", hence the title, but the story is not quite the same. Special Thanks to DelusionalLady for opening this topic up while we were chatting over the phone the other day. I just have to remind you guys that this is an alternate universe fic. I am not using the characters' seiyuu, but I'm using them, as themselves dubbing other stuff (i.e. Tezuka being the seiyuu of Brad Crawford in Weiss Kreuz, etc.), and Tennis no Oujisama **does exist** in this world though the characters, instead of the regular names we know, are named after the real seiyuu. I'm twisted, I know. XD I'm just reminding you these to avoid confusion, should you read this fic. **And yes, their ages are different here too**. XD

**NOTE #3:** There are records corresponding to the schools in Tennis no Oujisama. They are:

Kooun Limited

BHI (Black Horse Inc.)

Teikoku Songen

MG (Masterpieces Group)

Yuushousha Studios

PT Unlimited (Polar Talents Unlimited)

Hashira Kin

Playhouse Productions

Everything will be explained as the story goes on.

**NOTE #4:** These are mostly from the point of views of the uke; so don't be mad that the seme do not have as much screen time.

**DEDICATION:** This is dedicated to all of you guys who have had this fancy eating your brains for a long while now. We have to wonder after all, how is it working as a seiyuu? I personally have seen a friend of mine work as a 'dubber' locally, and I guess, most of the stuff here is based from what I have observed as well as based from the info I have collected over the years.

* * *

**DAIGOBU: OKONAI **

_(Fifth Part: Act)_

* * *

Mukahi was crossing the street when a swish of something like air being displaced assaulted him, making him step forward unawares, and eventually, falling flat onto his face. Then, came the horrifying screech of tires and a subsequent 'falling' sound – followed by a string of colourful phrases, which he deduced as curses that rang in his ears. Slowly, with care, he stood up, knees feeling much wobbly that he was reminded of his roller-skating days. "Ow." He muttered as he saw the gashes on his arm and more on his legs. He was bleeding. Damn his brain for telling him to wear shorts this morning.

He shook his head once to clear it and squinted at the one who had caused him all the trouble.

A guy. Oh he was tall – and a mountain bike lay just as injured at his feet. He could hear him speaking rapidly, mostly to himself. It didn't sound right at all. But he shouldn't falter. Who cared if the guy was taller than he was? He was old enough to defend himself from such types, being molested by people in the train almost regularly.

"Oi!" Mukahi called out in irritation. "What do you think you're doing?"

Stiffly, the man turned to him, dark eyes flashing. "Nothing! I was doing nothing but ride my bike when you suddenly blocked my way and I had to swerve to avoid hitting you!"

_Avoid hitting me?_ Mukahi glared angrily. "Such nerve!" He grated, stomping towards the irritating guy injuries and all. "You did not hit me alright, but **_look_** at me! I'm a mess! You don't even have a single scratch on you!"

"I don't have a single scratch because I am **_not scratched! _**I am **_wounded_** and **_bruised_** heavily!" The guy said just as angrily. "You should be thankful I did not run over you with my bike!"

"Thankful! You are the reason why I'm like this in the first place! Be apologetic for once!" Mukahi was ready to tear out his hair in frustration. _I just want an apology, why won't he give it to me? It's his fault anyway!_

The man didn't answer anymore. All he did was pick up what seemed to he cracked eyeglasses as well as his distended bike and walked away.

"Oi! I'm not yet finished with you! Come back here you stupid person!"

Mukahi's current adversary just gave him 'the finger' and wheeled his bike hurriedly away.

**X o X o X**

"Karupin did a great job with the cat voice didn't he?"

Fuji's question lurched the worry in Tezuka as he drank one of his endless cups of green tea. Although he wasn't the one being asked, he couldn't help thinking that Fuji knew what happened with Mukahi and what his connection with him leaving was.

It was not unusual – after all, it was Fuji.

"Yeah, way better if a person did the voice over." Echizen quipped insensitively with his usual lack of tact. "My Karupin is a real cat after all, not just one who looks and acts like it."

"Oi, oi." Kikumaru pouted. "Don't say stuff like that. It hurts."

"He doesn't mean you, right, Echizen?" Momoshiro broke in cheerily, grounding his fist playfully on the younger man's head.

"_Itai su..._"

Then the laughter.

It was that moment when Tezuka decided that he was going to check up on Mukahi's employment status... and maybe lend some help.

**X o X o X**

"Yuushi, I know that you're not feeling well, but you have to do this. We scheduled it a couple of weeks ago, before the flyers were given out!" Shishido was close to panicking. Hiyoshi was in charge of this project and he could see the young producer simmering with anger over Oshitari's untimely rescheduling. He knew it would not be a moment too soon when the two would come to blows – and such would injure not just one person, but two.

**_And then_** Atobe would be the one to get fired up and act all monster-like.

**_THAT_** was scary and he did not want to see it again. He had seen it only once, when he fired the guy who named himself 'Dabide' what with his failure to get serious in tapings.

"**Look** at me." Oshitari grumbled darkly. "I am covered with purpling bruises from head to toe and I have a cut across my cheek. I would definitely scare the people auditioning today."

"Nothing bandages couldn't fix." Hiyoshi grumbled back.

"You can find a replacement."

"I can't – the best ones are working. Only the lesser ones are available – those a little lower in talent than you."

Oshitari visibly bristled. "Are you implying that I am just a little above your standards?"

Hiyoshi levelled him with a glare. "By the looks of it, yes. You are idiotic enough to get into such a pathetic incident that you pass off as an accident."

"Why you –"

Hiyoshi turned away and walked towards the door. Then, he stopped and loosened his dress shirt enough to reveal the angry scars on his back that nearly cost him his life and fastened his buttons just as quickly before opening the door and stepping out.

As the door slammed shut, Oshitari, as Shishido observed, had a very thoughtful look on his face... and then he sighed. "Can't beat that." He muttered, turning to him, lips quirking up in a semblance of a tired smile.

"Ryo, could you possibly give me the first aid kit?"

**X o X o X**

"We are not limiting ourselves to being the cast for Fudomine's players, instead, we'll make a play at Hyoutei Gakuen. It comes with the package of having the most contact with the lead team, Seigaku, so that means, there would be more chances for publicity." Atobe declared, staring at the faces of each of his talents.

He was satisfied with the way they seem to respond. Ohtori was determined, and Akutagawa was, for once, very much awake and raring to get his part in the program. The four others, his business partner Sakaki, his friends Shishido and Oshitari as well as his top executive producer, Hiyoshi, he knew, were just as determined to get the slot and their respective places.

But now, Sakaki was on a business meeting and the other three were on their way to screening the company's prospective new blood. As a professor, Shishido had the ability to spy talent, and Oshitari's ability to gauge and calculate would be beneficial for their cause to find the best among the throng that would undoubtedly audition today. Hiyoshi would just be there, inspecting, recording and testing those who pass the first two's judgement.

It would be tough but it was necessary – besides they would get extra huge pay reflected in their respective accounts after the project, so they shouldn't complain. He smirked inwardly as he thought of what their first responses would be upon seeing their accounts double up.

"After this team in the series, the other interesting team that we could probably fit in would be Rikkai-dai Fuzoku, but we are competing with Yuushousha Studios for that position, so we **_must_** snag Hyoutei from the other companies vying for the spot. MG and PTU are making a play for it as well, and I don't want them to desecrate such desirable characters. I will give you the information you need through the database I will upload tonight, so you can review for the characters you want to audition for." Atobe continued. "However, internal auditions would commence when we have a list of the new people the company would acquire in three days time so it would be fair to everyone. Am I clear?"

There was no complaint. Everyone knew that when Atobe said something, he meant it. That was why almost everyone respected him and his businesslike ways. He was indeed a true epitome of an effective and efficient company owner.

As he received an almost unitary agreement, he leant back on his plush seat and closed his eyes, a small, smug smile playing on his lips.

_Wait for me, Tezuka... I'll show you what I can do, just you wait._

**X o X o X**

Frankly, Tezuka was apprehensive about his role. He knew people liked his character, for all the doujinshi he was seeing sold in comic book stores; however, the lack of lines was grating his nerves.

Why was it that his character's only significance was to stand there all stoic and be all too stern? He was not happy with it – at all. Especially now that people were starting to liken him to the cartoon character. It was disturbing for him. Was he really that anal-retentive? Momoshiro though so... and he knew that the guy's observations were ninety percent correct. Yamato put in a good word for him as the character to play the part as well, so that meant he was the best person for the job.

But then again, he did that after his row with him so Tezuka thought it was a form of revenge, not being provided the necessary amount of lines to maximise his talent in voice acting. Now he was thinking that Slam Dunk had been too generous to him for all the screen time he got playing Mitsui.

He sighed. It was no use dwelling over it since he was already appointed for the role and he hated doing something and leaving it unfinished. Being responsible over something important never killed anyone – well, okay, it always did, but he was quite sure it was not going to kill him anytime soon.

_But how can I perform when I don't even like what I'm doing? _

For the first time in his life, he questioned his decision to be a voice actor.

**X o X o X**

"You seem depressed."

Kajimoto started as a voice sounded right beside him. Abruptly, he straightened and coloured as he realised who it was. "Sanada-san! What are you doing here?" He picked up his table napkin and started shredding them unconsciously, eyes staring right at the newcomer.

Sanada's eyebrow shot up, taking notice of the unintentional agitation and wondered why he was being so worked up. _Probably about his yaoi projects again... stressing over them as usual._ He gave him a slight smile and gestured towards the noisy table on the far end of the coffee shop. "Starbucks coffee wouldn't be good without excellent company."

Kajimoto followed his gesture and stared at the group that seemed more of a fight club rather than a bunch of friends hanging out talking. _Is he referring to them? _He thought, aghast. _There's no way I'm going to sit with them – I'd rather stay here..._

"Them?"

"Yes."

"Are you kidding?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Unfortunately, no."

"What?"

"I said, no."

"What are you saying no for, me not looking like I'm joking, or about you joining us?"

"Both."

Sanada gazed at him thoughtfully for a few moments before grabbing his arm with one hand and his coffee in the other. "Right." He started as he hauled him up, his gaze turning forceful as Kajimoto started to sputter in protest. "I don't usually joke around... and I don't take no for an answer either."

"O-oi!"

"Unfortunately."

Kajimoto couldn't do anything but let himself be dragged away. It was pointless to argue with someone with such forceful attitude. Maybe Sanada was a football coach in his past life or something. Soon enough, he was presented to the rambunctious group he dreaded sitting with.

"This is –"

"Ah! I know who you are!" An energetic, yet somewhat muted voice cried out, intense eyes fixed on him, "You are Kijimoto-san from MG!"

Sweat beaded Kajimoto's forehead. _He got my name wrong... is this an omen of some sort... that I would never be known in this industry...?_

"Wrong-o Marui!" The dark-skinned guy sitting just across him laughed loudly. "That's Kajimoto Takahisa-san you dolt!"

"Right-o!" The one called Marui grinned apologetically, settling himself deeper into the single wing sofa beside a small empty loveseat. "I'm sure it isn't a big deal, right?"

"Right." He said softly. At that, he felt everyone stiffen, and he realised that they were all staring at him – even Yanagi Renji, who usually had his eyes closed were blatantly staring at him. It was unnerving, and he was sure that if Sanada was not holding him up by the arm, he would've slithered down on the floor like a snake in embarrassment. He just sounded so pitiful, that was probably it. Slowly, he turned on his usual guarded look and straightened up, clearing his throat. "Right." He said, with a stronger tone.

They were still staring at him.

"What?" He asked, suddenly all too conscious.

"You sounded so unhappy... is something wrong, _pu-ri_?" The blond one with the dishevelled hair and ponytail asked curiously.

"It does seem like it." The bespectacled one beside him agreed, adjusting his glinting glasses wonderingly. "You seem to have... issues."

It was frightening how he said it. It almost felt like it was Mizuki saying he had issues... just like he did last night over the phone – sans the flirty voice. "I don't."

"Don't be like that!" The dark-skinned one waved his feeble attempt at saving face. "You should talk about what's bothering you or it would eat you up inside."

"That would be messy – _pu-ri_!"

"Indeed."

"A hundred percent."

"So munch munch tell us already!"

"What now?"

Kajimoto started at Sanada's voice beside him. He had let go, it seemed, and his arm was now smarting from the tight grip. He wondered when he loosened his hold on him. He didn't actually feel it. At the corner of his eye, he watched as he sat down on the seat between Marui and an empty seat. Silently, he nodded and lowered himself down on the vacant part of the couch.

"So..." The bespectacled one with really shiny eyeglasses leant forward and gazed at him somewhat worriedly. It was uncanny, being under the scrutiny of people at such short distances. He felt naked. It was nothing like _seiyuu_ onstage performances at all. "How do want this to start, the easy way... or the hard way?"

Kajimoto's eyes bulged as he stared at him in disbelief. "Ah?"

Sanada butted in after a sip of his steaming latte. "Hard way is through torture. Renji is good at it, got it from Hashira Kin's Inui, I believe. Easy way is through normal interrogation."

He was suddenly scared.

_What did I get myself into? _

**X o X o X**

Mukahi shuffled in as his name was called. He didn't dare look at the ones screening him. He was afraid as to what their initial reaction upon seeing him would be. Maybe they would just look at him and cast him quickly away as someone with the look but not the talent and move on to the next person. It happened to him twice before he got into Hashira Kin, and who could guarantee that it wouldn't happen now? At the rate his luck was going, he wouldn't be able to land in a decent production companyuntil he was eighty years old.

He took a deep breath and concentrated on the monitor before him. The characters varied, and he was instructed to voice all the characters in the clip successively. It was just like what he had been instructed to do at his former company, so it was nothing new to him. Thank heavens Hashira Kin was very demanding of its talents or he would certainly fail in this.

Glancing shortly as he memorised a few lines, he turned back to the monitor and watched the pacing of the lips. English was something he enjoyed since he was young, and it was also something he enjoyed dubbing. He was good when it came to translating scripts and he prided himself to be one of those good enough for doing the voice acting for them.

He started, focusing and straining to do his very best. He felt adrenaline rushing through him and it was as if the whole world did not exist... just him, and the equipment. It was amazing, so exhilarating, so –

"That was bad."

Startled, he looked up and was about to say something in his defence when he caught sight of who said the infuriating words.

Slowly, as realisation sunk in, horror started from the pit of his stomach, his mind envisioning himself, old and living in a poor shack with twenty-seven cats.

It was the guy who nearly hit him with a mountain bike just a couple of hours ago.

**X o X o X**

Of course he savoured the look of utter horror on the hopeful's face. He knew just who he was, and he also knew he was older than him in this industry, though he was the one technically older by basis of birth. He could feel Hiyoshi's glare and Shishido's incredulous look but he didn't care. All he saw was the red-haired guy who blocked his way to work a couple of hours ago. Just imagine the feeling of elation that fluttered in the pit of stomach upon learning he was going to screen him. He actually had power over him now, and for what he did to him, this was just some sort of payback. _Let him stew in his own juices until the whole screening process is over._ He mused sadistically, schooling his features to a dissatisfied frown.

"What are you saying?" Shishido hissed, poking his side painfully. "He's good! He's popular!"

"I know. Doesn't matter." He answered clearly. The microphones were sensitive, and he knew that the guy could hear the slightest whisper. "Popularity wouldn't save him. This is a screening."

Surprisingly, Hiyoshi remained silent. And Oshitari sensed some sort of amusement coming from him. He must've seen though him, he thought wryly.

There was silence as the guy sputtered and looked embarrassed, away. He had just never seen someone actually paling when embarrassed. Oshitari's frown was now real. This person had issues, and he seemed to be aggravating it. He was wondering why when he caught sight of Hiyoshi gazing curiously at the redhead. His lips were moving, but Oshitari couldn't make his words out.

"I'm sorry." Came the long-awaited response from inside the booth. "I'm going to repeat the lines..."

Oshitari was about to give his assent when Hiyoshi shook his head.

"No, no need. We'll notify you if you pass the first phase of the screening. You may go home now." Hiyoshi's tone was thoughtful but crisp, and he nodded twice before writing something on his clipboard. Oshitari itched to know what it was, but he knew it would be shown in due time. He just had to learn how to wait.

His eyes followed the hopeful's form as he trudged out of the booth and gave them a slight bow before he opened the door and stepped wearily out. Yes, he thought. There was something really wrong with the guy.

"Yuushi!" Shishido cried out indignantly. "Why did you do that!"

"Do what?" He feigned innocence.

"You insulted him!"

"No, I didn't."

"He's Saiyuki's Mukahi Gakuto!"

"I know."

"You were evil!"

"I was not."

"Yes you were."

Both of them stopped squabbling when Hiyoshi spoke up quietly. He stared pointedly at Oshitari. "You weren't being professional. He was good, not perfect. He had flaws but nothing that couldn't be worked out, and you know it."

He stared back at him, almost nonchalantly. _I know that. I watch Saiyuki and I know who he is from the events I have seen live. _

"If you continue holding grudges, you are going to pass up a chance to get him into this company. Atobe would be furious with us." Hiyoshi said carefully, as his brow rose in question at the word 'us'. "He's good, I think... but we can't pass him if the decision isn't unanimous."

"I'll let you two decide on his case then. Whatever you want, I'll just follow. I'm no good a judge if I go through with this in his application, right?" He gave him a wry grin. "I just wanted him to be a bit nervous. He was being all too sure of himself back then."

Hiyoshi hmph-ed and gave him a small smile. "Whatever, Takoyaki-san."

**X o X o X**

"_Moshi moshi._" Tezuka muttered, answering his phone as he prepared to go to Teikoku Songen for a recording session.

"Tezuka-senpai."

His hands stilled, alarmed at the familiarity of the forlorn voice. "Mukahi-kun."

"Senpai... the audition." Mukahi's voice cracked. It worried him. Now was not the time to break down. There were other places where he could still apply in; it was not wise to lose heart. However, it was possible that the tasks given him were entirely too difficult. Teikoku Songen was known for their '_Climb to the Top_' kind of admission-slash-promotion, maybe he just wasn't likeable enough for the screeners? All he knew was that Mukahi belonged to the upper ten percent of talented people in the industry, so there was no question as to his performance, no matter how hard the audition process was.

"Yes...?" He placed the phone on his ear and held it in place with his shoulder as he buttoned his shirt on.

"It went... well." Came the lame response.

"You're lying." Tezuka retorted flatly, fingering the last button and slipping it through the pre-made hole. _I hate buttons_. "Tell me. It was bad, wasn't it?"

"Actually, senpai, it was going great." Mukahi answered, sounding so defeated that he felt sympathy for him. "Until that guy said what I did was bad."

_That guy?_ Tezuka's brows went up as he grabbed his socks and pulled them on. _I knew it. It wasn't his fault. He's too good to be turned down – or told off._ "That guy – said you were bad." He said slowly, voice softening. "Were you?"

"I... no." Mukahi's tone turned thoughtful. He could practically hear the wheels turning in his head and it made the corners of his lips twitch up. There was still the confidence and it would be his doorway to other opportunities – maybe even better ones than Teikoku Songen if ever he was indeed, not accepted. "No. I was good." He repeated, with more conviction now than before.

"In fact, I was perfect!" The younger man was practically hyped up by then, and Tezuka couldn't help but smile.

He made a small sound of approval. "That's good. You did well, that's what matters. Remember who and what you are – and start from there."

"Yes, senpai. Thank you – wait! Let's have coffee together!"

His smile widened. "Dinner." He corrected, slipping his feet into his pair of black high-tops. "At around nine in the evening, after my recording. How does that sound?"

"Great! My song recording isn't until eight thirty, so I can definitely make it."

"You can come to my house, Ruriko will be here with the babysitter. I'll tell her that her **_Uncle Goku_** is coming over. She'll be very happy."

"Who else is coming over?"

"Just you... and whoever you want to bring with you." He conceded, keys jangling in his hand as he strode out of the front door.

"Even Mizuki?" Mukahi asked tentatively. Mizuki was not necessarily bad company, but he was someone who irritates almost everyone with his all-knowing laughter. Tezuka, however, was not one of those people, so it didn't matter to him one bit.

"Yes. Even Mizuki. Even Morikawa-san. Even Kusao-san. Even Seki-san and Hirata-san (1)." Meticulously as he could with a mobile phone situated in his ear, he locked the door and pocketed his keys. Making sure that the house was secure, he grasped the phone and switched it to the other ear, rotating his stiff shoulder. "No problem at all."

"Great!" Mukahi chuckled. "See you later, Tezuka-senpai – and I hope to see Ruri-chan too! Your kid is really cute!"

"Oh, ask Marui-kun when he's coming over, would you?"

"Eh? Bun-chan? Why? Did he eat you out of your bonus like he did last time?" There was concern in his kouhai's voice.

"No."

"Then why –"

"Ruri's asking when he'd come back. It seems she thought of him as her boyfriend after they were introduced a couple of weeks ago."

"EH!"

"Apparently, they both commiserated over poorly-made pastries and got along really well."

**X o X o X**

"Don't you find recording yaoi dramas amazing?"

Kajimoto flinched from the unexpected question from a very thoughtful Jackal. Of them all, he was the one with much experience making them. It was scary, since no one would imagine he would be doing such _ecchi_ things with the way he looked. His Brazilian heritage must be crying out in protest. He didn't seem to mind it much... it was either he was nonchalant about his projects, he was used to it, or he was... _Sure of his sexuality_.

_I'm worrying about it... does that mean I'm unsure of what my preference is?_ He felt like he was doused with icy water. _Have I been lying to myself all along and... and... my marriage is just... NO. It isn't. I loved my wife... I love her still... and my children, I will never regret them being born, they are my only... WHAT AM I THINKING? Maybe my late wife's right; maybe I am sticking too much to society's norm, that's why I'm so affected by all of this..._

Sanada peered at his dumbstruck form above the rim of his cup. _He's lost it._ He decided with finality. Somehow, it disappointed him. He did not know exactly why, but he had an inkling as to why it was. He had begun to unravel the source of all his fascination when it came to him and it was such a pity that there were things that Kajimoto still couldn't accept. He wasn't as open as he initially thought he was... nor knowledgeable.

Giving himself a consoling pat mentally, he set down his cup. "We have to get going." He said, standing up and slinging his coat on his shoulder in emphasis. "We have a recording in ten minutes."

"Teikoku?" Niou asked curiously. "I thought you're free for the afternoon? I thought – ow! That hurts!" He glared at the bespectacled one's serious features. "Yagyuu. You are mean."

"Just to you, Masaharu, just to you." Yagyuu Hiroshi sighed, pushing up his glasses with his middle finger. While Niou debated internally on whether he had just insulted him, the other, with a gentle hand, patted the dazed Kajimoto and gave him a small smile. "Kajimoto-san, you have to go now. King's orders."

Sanada gave him a murderous look, which made Marui and Jackal snicker.

Renji just shook his head in amusement. _Yes, Yagyuu is indeed scary._ He thought. Yagyuu seemed to be someone who took everything in stride, someone who was not knowledgeable of anything regarding other people and their lives. But in fact, he probably was the wisest and the brightest of them all.

It was enough to make Kajimoto snap to attention. "What?"

"King Sanada said you both have recordings in a few minutes at Teikoku Songen." Yagyuu said almost indulgently.

"But I don't have a recording –"

"You have one." Sanada interrupted, grabbing hold of his arm and hauling him upwards, much like the same way he did when he dragged him to their table. "With me."

Jackal whistled, turning away just in time to avoid the particularly dangerous glare sent his way. Marui giggled some more, trying to smother the sound with a tissue.

The flurry of movements was watched in amusement, and soon, the two were gone, leaving behind five snickering people with six cold cups of previously hot coffee.

Of course, as per usual, Marui had two.

**X o X o X**

Quiet moments like these were what he was hoping for everytime he entered a recording studio. He was used to this, the metallic scent of the equipments, the comforting smell of leather seats... and the complete silence of the recording booth.

It had been his habit to arrive early and immerse himself in the quiet solitude of the recording booth. The soundproofed walls made him feel more secure... as if they would keep whatever secret he would blurt out impulsively, as if they would protect him from the churning fire of society's rigid codes. In here he could be himself.

In here he didn't have to pretend.

In here, he was not the co-owner of the production company.

In here he was simply himself.

The man who went by the name of Atobe Keigo.

Atobe Keigo was a very proud man, with clear-cut views and codes in life. He lived by his own rules and there was no denying him. It was embedded in him, that sort of arrogance, and it was what he elaborated on outside. He had to keep himself from letting slip that he was still human... that he had a heart – and a big one at that.

He could remember Sakaki telling him that he was becoming soft as time passed, and that pretty soon he would be at the beck and call of his employees and not the other way around as was the norm. But was the norm the only thing existing? What was the norm anyway? It was only a standard, a means of comparison, something that was ordinary, holding all things constant – _ceteris paribus_, as Shishido, the Perfect Professor once uttered in one of their usual dinnertime debates.

It wouldn't kill him to conform sometimes now, would it?

He sat down on the carpeted floor, closing his eyes as he leant back against the softness of the soundproofing. With his foot, he pushed the door close.

He felt very much alone.

People who treaded on normalcy were having more fun than he was – the really good kind, the fun that made them constantly laugh, eyes brimming with boundless happiness. He found himself wishing that he were like them... that he was that happy even just once in his life. It was an absurd wish, but he found himself wishing for it hard enough – God, he hoped it was hard enough to come true.

He might not look it, but yes, he was indeed... utterly, horribly lonely. He wasn't lacking when it came to friendship, but that was a different kind of love. It was brotherly, and only eased a small part of him. However, there was still a huge hole left, and he wanted it stuffed – with anything, just to keep himself from hurting. He tried to make himself feel better by engaging in productive activities, going out clubbing – and making himself feel important.

It eased his loneliness alright, but the effects were temporary.

So temporary that he actually fixated on things just to keep his emotions busy.

And now, he was fixated on something – or rather, **_someone_**, who didn't seem to want to do anything with him. Tezuka Kunimitsu, for all his courage working in such stressful and competitive environment, was avoiding him. Did he actually think he was so blind as to have not seen through him? He was avoiding him like the plague and it frustrated Atobe – what's more, it frustrated him that he could do nothing to get himself close enough.

It was like... he was losing a battle that had not even started.

And he felt even lonelier...

**_CREAK._**

It was the sudden sound of the booth door opening that made him start. His eyes snapped open and his body automatically took on a defensive crouch after scooting further back. It took him a moment to clear his disorientation and realise who it was staring just as dumbly back at him.

"Atobe."

Slowly, his body relaxed.

_Speak of the devil..._

"Tezuka. What are you doing here?"

**X o X o X**

Tezuka's initial thought was that the venue changed. However, it seemed as if everyone was late when he stared at the postings on the corkboard nailed on the wooden door. Sighing, he shuffled inside, trying to ease his growing irritation.

Of all the times to be late, it had to be today. Grimacing as his sock-covered foot hit the edge of the leather seat, he decided that pacing while he waited was not a good idea. His eyes strayed to the recording booth. He knew that it would provide some sort of peace, being in there – and he needed it after all the thinking he was doing.

Feeling older at every step, he finally reached the door and touched it gingerly with the tips of his fingers, running them almost in awe at such opulent materials that composed it. Atobe Keigo sure was rich to have afforded all these.

His hand dropped to his side and he turned, leaning against the wooden wall beside the door. He knew that everything looked amazing inside the booth even without taking a peek through the clear glass windows on the other side. Money did a lot of things for the area and it would have brought him great joy to work in such space.

However, a larger problem superimposed on all the awe.

The owner.

Or to be precise, his problem with the owner.

He didn't know when it all started, maybe when he first saw him... or maybe when he first did a recording with him.

Atobe Keigo made him feel insecure.

It was the talent, effortlessly streaming out of him. He hadn't been in an acting school, nor had he been educated to please thousands of adoring fans and give them what they want. He seemed to have an innate talent for it, and it was probably what made him uneasy. Tezuka was there not because he was talented.. he was there because he was good at what he did. And he was good at what he did because he worked hard for it.

Contrary to popular belief, he was not talented.

He was skilled – and there laid the difference.

Talent was inborn and all it needed was honing. Atobe had that. Tezuka, however, was a different story. He remembered becoming a voice actor mainly out of want – out of need. He was out to prove his worth to his parents... to himself. He did not want to live a normal life. He wanted to do something different, something that made him millions of years apart from everyone and excel at it. So he worked hard, perfected everything there was to perfect in his chosen profession. They said his voice was deep and almost melodic, and that was what made him decide since not many have such voice. He didn't consider it a talent – since there was nothing talent-worthy about it. It was just him... just his normal voice.

There were times when he felt like throwing a huge fit in the duration of his training. His frustration stemmed from small mistakes over intonation and pitch. He punished himself by not eating dinner when he did not achieve his goal for the day. If anyone knew, he was sure he would be deemed pathetic. But it was his chance to become his own person... a chance to be different. He wanted it so bad that he sometimes found himself resenting people who were different than he was. The more different they were, the more misgiving he felt. He didn't express it but it was there. If he elaborated on such emotion, he would have many enemies for sure, and he didn't want to jeopardise everything he built for himself.

It was for the sole reason that Atobe was the person whom he always wanted to be that he felt himself widening the distance between them. He realised that Atobe was the epitome of the person he wanted to be. He had all the qualities he wanted to possess – the confidence, the strong presence, the airy atmosphere... the seemingly tight ties he had with various people... and of course, the attractiveness that seemed to heighten the level of every aforementioned quality.

And he couldn't quite get it out of his head that Atobe was younger than he was and less experienced in the industry and yet he was in demand at present. At his age of twenty-eight years, and being a seiyuu for about two years, he had accomplished so much, whereas Tezuka, in his first two years, had difficulty since the industry hadn't boomed this much yet.

It was ridiculous. He was a seiyuu since he was nineteen and now, he was thirty. He had been in the industry for eleven years, and yet someone who was in the business for less than two years was getting on his nerves. He opened his eyes and decided that it was imperative for him to continue brooding inside the booth. If someone suddenly walked in and saw him like this, he would never live it down. Steadying himself, he straightened and grasped the door handle. With careful movements, he pulled at it and took a step forward.

He would've taken another if not for the fact that someone else apparently beat him to it.

He couldn't believe his eyes as a momentary glimpse of depression assaulted his senses. The need to comfort suddenly kicked in for all the misery he witnessed. In just a couple of moments, he felt that way – until recognition dawned. His eyes widened in both surprise and shock.

"Atobe." He muttered, as the other got into a defensive crouch, ready to strike the moment he took another step closer. Atobe was disoriented, Tezuka was sure of it as said person took a careful scoot backwards, composing himself in the process.

"Tezuka. What are you doing here?"

He took a step back. "I... have an audition."

"Oh." Atobe seemed thoughtful, and then he nodded in comprehension. "TeniPuri. I have one too."

"I see."

Silence.

"They are going to be late. They called me up this morning. Recording isn't in half an hour." Atobe shrugged and sat down again, resembling some Japanese feudal lord from the past. With a fluid motion, he beckoned and patted the space right beside him. Those eyes were latched onto him again it seemed. He felt shivers run up and down his spine once again, and internally, he debated as to whether he should make a run for it or bite the bullet and just sit like he was asked – no – **_told_** to do.

Suddenly, Tezuka felt tired.

Resentment or not, he was tired dodging. If he did not resolve this need for him to stay away from him, he knew he wouldn't last long and would be forced to quit. If he did that, what was he, who was he going to be? Taking a deep inaudible breath, he decided to take his chances.

And he took a step forward, shutting the booth door behind him.

**X o X o X**

"Sanada-san, you're kidnapping me, aren't you?"

"What makes you think that?"

"The fact that you dragged me off to a place I don't know with only the two of us proves that you are kidnapping me."

Sanada gave him a stern look. "And I dragged you off in plain view of millions of people. I'm not foolish enough to do that if I'm a kidnapper."

"See, you're admitting you are."

"I'm not admitting anything. I just said **_if_**. You're thinking too much."

Kajimoto glared at him. "I don't have a recording, so why did you make me come here?"

"You're contradicting your own words. I didn't **_drag_** you, I just made you come here... a push of sorts."

"You did not **_push_** me, Sanada-san. You **_pulled_** me."

"And you know where we are, so it's not kidnapping."

"Yes it is, even if that's true, fact still remains that you dragged me here against my will."

"You have no will."

Tense silence.

"**Excuse me**?"

"You have no will." Sanada repeated flatly.

"**_What_** did you say?" Kajimoto gaped at him in disbelief.

"Do you want me to repeat what I just said? Well then, I said you have no –"

"NO!" Kajimoto protested.

"You have no will."

"Will you please stop repeating that!"

"Fine, I won't." Sanada conceded. "But I'm just telling the truth."

Kajimoto sat on one of the swivel chairs in the room. He seemed thoughtful, almost brooding. It was as if he took what had just been said so negatively and he was now going to start his own version of the _hara-kiri_.

"Sanada-san..."

"Hmm?"

"Why did you say I have no will?"

The question was laced with the tone of defeat, and it made Sanada's insides twist. He had never heard such woeful sound since... _Seiichi_. He closed his eyes and leant against the wall right next to where Kajimoto sat. "I feel like you won't have the will to take whatever it is to take to be better at your profession. You have no will to improve."

"But I do have the will to improve, that's why I'm working so hard to –"

"If you are, you shouldn't let petty things concern you."

"Petty things?"

"Recording yaoi dramas."

Kajimoto's mouth shut immediately.

"You don't realise that they are part of your work. For you they have no real meaning, no worth and that's why you are hesitant to work on them." Sanada closed his eyes wearily. "They have worth, Kajimoto-kun. They test the endurance and creativity of a voice actor. They hone the skill of an actor to give life to something that is deemed taboo. Personally, I think it's better if all male voice actors go through such recordings.

Recording and how you do your recording – that's what makes a great _seiyuu_. If you don't have the versatility to do impersonations of things alien to you, then you can never succeed. You have the skill, but you lack the will to do whatever it takes to improve on your techniques, on your work, on your person."

"I don't get it, Sanada-san. What do I get from accepting BL offers? They are just perverse dramas loved by homosexuals... and women, as case may be. I have no interest in them..." Kajimoto pushed his bangs away from his eyes in sheer bewilderment. "I know it's part of what I should do, but..."

"But you don't like it."

"Yes."

"Endurance."

"Sanada-san?"

"Control."

"...?"

"Versatility."

"...!"

"Kajimoto-kun, I'm not talking about sex." Sanada chuckled, eyes snapping open as he realised what the other's scandalised silence meant. "I'm talking about you – and your voice talent. While recording, you are exposed to a world you do not know, and that's where creativity kicks in, how you go through it without bastardising the quality of your work. You are also trained to endure things that may be disturbing to you... such as, in this case, men having sex or any kind of relationship with another man. You are to control the conditioned response a person normally has upon hearing steamy sex scenes, and if you go through it with no problem, you are fit enough to do anything... and that means that you have come from hell and back so you are one of the best voice actors out there."

"You seem to know much about it... have you made one?" The other quipped wryly.

"No, I haven't, but Seiichi had a couple of times."

"Seiichi?"

"My best friend."

Kajimoto cocked his head, thinking of some one named Seiichi. "I don't recall hearing his name around here... I thought great voice actors do –"

"He died nine months after his first voice acting stint." Sanada murmured ruefully. "He might have been greater if he.."

"I'm sorry..."

"Seiichi – he had the same issues you do, but he endured it and was well-equipped enough to start out and let the world know who he was when tragedy struck and he suddenly got sick. Turned out, he had an incurable nervous system disease and he died a couple of months later. What I told you a while ago... that was what he told me after he conquered his fear... the exact same words."

He turned to him, eyes covered with watery film. It seemed as if he was ready to cry but was holding his tears back. It was a valiant effort in his part, but Kajimoto knew from experience that it would only take a single wayward drop and the dam would inevitably burst.

"Sanada-san..."

He watched him turn away and compose himself once again. It took a moment for him to do it and soon, he was pushing himself against the wall he was leaning on and was grabbing hold of his arm. With firmness and slight force, he pulled him closer, letting the wheels of the swivel chair whirr and transport him quickly through the short distance. Kajimoto's heart was running away from him and he was almost sure it would leave him the moment it had the chance to. Silently, he stared back as Sanada gazed at him with darkened eyes. His shoulder was smarting from the tight grip but he didn't dare speak up. All he knew was that, as strong as he was, he couldn't compare to this man and he would never win against him in any aspect – mind or body. It was pointless to try stopping him in the state he was in anyway, so he let fate twist his world.

With deliberate slowness, Sanada leant forward, eyes turning murky, and breath rushing out, skimming Kajimoto's face hotly. At one point, their noses bumped, but neither paid heed. His eyes closed in their own volition as he felt the first touch of Sanada's lips –

Between his brows.

Blushing beet red, Kajimoto opened his eyes in shock and started to push him away, thoughts muddled and reasoning incoherent.

He just didn't know if he should be thankful that the hand that was gripping his shoulder was taken away completely, or be disappointed because...

Through his haze, he heard the door open and close.

And he was alone.

**X o X o X**

"Have you ever wished upon a shooting star, Tezuka?"

The solemn question surprised him and he sat back, body stiffening a bit before finally relaxing. It was a non-threatening question, something that friends share... maybe eight-year-old ones, but still, friends. A small frown marred his brow. Did that make them... friends now?

Not knowing what to say, he just nodded and decided to play along. Atobe's gaze turned rueful. "What did you wish for, Tezuka? Wealth? Fame? Success?"

Tezuka remembered his childhood. He was excited then, believing that shooting stars had supernatural powers that made people's wishes come true. He was young and he wished for what every child wished for...

"Happiness." He said quietly, not understanding why he was being pulled into this bizarre conversation.

"Ah." Atobe smiled then, nodding his head once before scrutinising him further. "Did it come true then?"

Tezuka's memories crashed upon him. Snapshots of him with his friends, of him while he was working, of him and his parents, of him and his former wife, of the divorce, of the fight for the rights to take care of Ruriko...

_Did it really come true? _

_Am I truly happy?_

He blinked once, twice, until his suddenly blurry vision cleared. Then, he looked back at Atobe. "I can't say I'm not." He answered truthfully, watching almost curiously when the other nodded his head as if in understanding.

There was a comfortable sort of silence before Tezuka spoke. "You."

"Hmm?"

"What did you wish for?"

Atobe's eyes closed as if in pain as he leant back against the wall padding. "What I wished for... I can't say." He chuckled. "It's a special wish, and I don't intend to say anything about it, lest I lose the chance to grab it wholly."

"..."

"Funny, Ahn?"

He fidgeted, eyes still fixed on the closed lids, taking note of the particularly long eyelashes of inky black. "Did it come true?"

Said eyes opened, revealing glassy dark brown orbs that seemed to draw his soul out of his body.

"It took many years... but you're finally here."

* * *

**TSUZUKU **

* * *

**A/N: **_One more chapter to go, and then, probably, an epilogue or a couple of side stories. I hope you liked this chapter guys, please give me feedback so I'll know if it's crappy or not. Thanks!_

_**FOOTNOTE/S:**_

_(1) Yes, I know you guys know who these people are. _


	6. Dairokubu : Tsuzukeru

**TITLE:** Boku no Koe A Tale of Complexities

**PART:** Six

**MAIN PAIRINGS:** Sanada Genichirou x Kajimoto Takahisa and Atobe Keigo x Tezuka Kunimitsu.

**SIDE PAIRINGS:** Oshitari Yuushi + Mukahi Gakuto, Ohtori Choutarou x Shishido Ryou

**GENRE:** Yaoi (Alternate Universe/ Humour/ Angst / Romance)

**DISCLAIMERS:** All the series I'm referring to in this fic, as well as all the brand names and real-life studios, do not belong to me… only this twisted story does.

**NOTE #1:** **Blah **or **_Blah _**is for emphasis. **_/Blah/_ **is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). _/Blah/_ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. _Blah _is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are. XD).

**NOTE #2:** This is inspired by Youka Nitta's manga "Boku no Koe", hence the title, but the story is not quite the same. Special Thanks to DelusionalLady for opening this topic up while we were chatting over the phone the other day. I just have to remind you guys that this is an alternate universe fic. I am not using the characters' seiyuu, but I'm using them, as themselves dubbing other stuff (i.e. Tezuka being the seiyuu of Brad Crawford in Weiss Kreuz, etc.), and Tennis no Oujisama **does exist** in this world though the characters, instead of the regular names we know, are named after the real seiyuu. I'm twisted, I know. XD I'm just reminding you these to avoid confusion, should you read this fic. **And yes, their ages are different here too**. XD

**NOTE #3:** There are records corresponding to the schools in Tennis no Oujisama. They are:

Kooun Limited

BHI (Black Horse Inc.)

Teikoku Songen

MG (Masterpieces Group)

Yuushousha Studios

PT Unlimited (Polar Talents Unlimited)

Hashira Kin

Playhouse Productions

Everything will be explained as the story goes on.

**NOTE #4:** These are mostly from the point of views of the uke; so don't be mad that the seme do not have as much screen time.

**DEDICATION:** This is dedicated to all of you guys who have had this fancy eating your brains for a long while now. We have to wonder after all, how is it working as a seiyuu? I personally have seen a friend of mine work as a 'dubber' locally, and I guess, most of the stuff here is based from what I have observed as well as based from the info I have collected over the years.

* * *

**DAIROKUBU: TSUZUKERU**

_(Sixth Part: To Continue)_

* * *

It was the worst way such kind of conversation should be terminated. Tezuka wouldn't have realised that people were already pouring inside if not for the hard knock on the other side of the booth's fibreglass windows. It was Sanada. He was thankful somehow that it wasn't a woman or squealing would definitely be heard within a radius of a mile.

Atobe, for once, was back to his usual self, doing his normal tirade, grousing over them being so late when 'Ore-sama' had grown tired of waiting. Tezuka had seen transformations like this before... just not that instantaneous. It bothered him, and a part of him twinged with hurt at the thought that the guy was just talking to him because of boredom. It didn't seem that way when he first saw him.

Silently, he nodded, eyes drawn to the script in his hands. He couldn't bring himself to open it yet. For some strange reason, his balance was nowhere to be found. He usually had that, composed core inside him before dubbing starts, but now, it was shattered, and he couldn't concentrate. Taking a deep breath, he decided that calming himself was a good way to start the process of finding his centre.

His gaze shifted, coming to rest on the table's centrepiece. The huge shallow crystal bowl was filled with sparkling water and pink flowers were floating in circles on the surface. He wondered, if the bowl were alive, would it be content just to carry such beauty... without touching it? Or would it...

"It's not going anywhere."

He started, turning in surprise at the one who intruded upon his thoughts. "Ah. Sanada."

"It's not healthy." Sanada muttered, giving him a strained smile.

Tezuka smiled slightly back, tearing his eyes away from Sanada's inquisitive gaze. "I was just... thinking."

"About?"

"Things."

"Don't think too much. You don't have to think too much – you only need to understand that life isn't what you want it to be and then live each day carefully." Sanada's words made a lasting impact on him. Such were the same words he made himself believe and tried to live up to every single day of his blessed life.

Not to be careless.

/_Yudan sezu ni ikkou/_ He remembered his character's words. It was something he usually said when things were going the other way. However, it was easier said than done. Hell, from what he read in the scripts his character was too careless and got himself injured!

"It is hard to do that." He said quietly.

Silence.

Then, Sanada spoke just as quietly. "I know. But it's the only thing we can do to be able to live."

Silence.

Tezuka, for the lack of words to say, decided it would be best to veer the conversation away from him. Giving Sanada a questioning look, he voiced what had been bothering him since he first knocked on the booth windows a while ago. "You're not supposed to be here."

Sanada flinched as if the mere question burned. "Nothing better to do."

"You don't have a recording."

"I need to mingle."

"You're not mingling."

"..."

Tezuka looked away. "You have been careless as well, am I right?" It didn't take a genius to know what had happened. When Sanada decided to mingle, it only meant that he was troubled. Wakato Shin introduced them four years ago, and they had a lot of contact through him, as well as through the projects in which Sanada helped directing. They became friends.

"A bit." Sanada allowed, nodding miserably.

"Hey, hey, hey." Came a very cheerful voice. Both men looked up to see Wakato Hiroshi smiling down at them prettily, and soon two consecutive snickers sounded, prompting the source of amusement to smack them both with a rolled up magazine. "Don't laugh!" he commanded, which made Sanada and Tezuka fall silent – as silent as they could as they tried smothering their laughter.

Wakato, as usual, was clothed in what seemed like Hollywood-mafia mode. The fur coat in itself was hideous, and coupled with his orange-dyed hair, well, he bordered on the ridiculous. Underneath his coat was a leopard-print shirt... and then the faux leather pants... and then the fluffy leopard-feet slippers. He looked like he had just finished playing dress-up with children.

"You just looked –"

He held up his hand in irritation. "I look hot! No, don't say anything – let me delude myself."

Tezuka shook his head and cocked an eyebrow in question. Sanada, as usual, didn't believe in anything but questions, so he went on ahead and asked. "What are you doing here?"

Wakato sighed, plopping playfully on Sanada's lap. "Oh, hush." He admonished as his human chair protested. "I'm here to pick up my script for the Jyousei Shounan episodes." He beamed, gesturing wildly with his hands. It made Tezuka's heart ache, seeing such motion, since they don't look much different than Atobe's. He snuck a glance at the booth where said person was working.

_There are Jyousei Shounan episodes? All I have seen are from Seigaku, and from my script now, Fudomine. Wait... Atobe's here because? _His mind was on hyperdrive as he processed the information in his mind. _Ah nevermind._ He sighed inwardly, switching his attention back at the newcomer. "How's the incognito thing going?" He asked curiously. Wakato had been 'company-hopping' ever since his first company suffocated him with offers he didn't like. It seemed that if the people inside a company he was in made such a big deal over him and his reputation, he would instantaneously quit. So what he did was change his hair colour, wear lots of coloured contact lenses, change his given name and change his personality. He had been in six companies before the present one, and in all of them, the first person who knew him and kept his secret was the owner.

His real name was Wakato Shin (1).

Now, he was at Masterpieces Group and went by the name of Wakato Hiroshi. Of course, he called his old friends who didn't change their opinion of him however famous he became, and told them about the change of company and of his name. He and Sanada were part of those tight knit of connections. Tezuka hoped for Wakato's peace... that he would finally settle in the company he was in to save him from further trouble. For someone who was in the business, he hated being recognised publicly. And for someone who acted like a diva most of the time, he was being so private.

"Going well, actually." He said airily, with his usual flair. "I think I finally found the right company to settle in."

Sanada, after a lot of time struggling, finally succeeded in pushing him off his lap, rendering Wakato sprawled ungracefully on the floor. "Really."

"Ow! That hurts!" And they glared at each other, as per usual. Tezuka didn't understand the chemistry between the two. They seemed to hate each other's guts most of the time and yet they continued being friends. Ah, complexities of human relationships he did not have the faintest idea about. Finally, Wakato had enough and rolled his eyes, turning to Tezuka with a slight grimace. "This person is still as evil as I first knew him!" He declared, picking himself up and sitting on a proper seat beside him. Sandwiched between the gruesome twosome, he didn't know if he could survive the whole recording session. He just hoped they didn't create a scene or he would stuff their mouths with the couch's throw pillows.

"And you are still as mentally challenged as when we first met." Sanada groaned, placing a calming hand on his forehead and rubbing it in irritation. "Whatever have I done to deserve knowing someone like you...?"

"Heh," Wakato sniffed haughtily. "You've done a lot of good deeds to deserve someone as great as I am." Sanada didn't have the drive to refute his words anymore, it seemed. Tezuka, relaxed for the meantime. The usual we-meet-again squabble finally came to an end. "Anyway, as I was saying, I think I'm settling in the Masterpieces Group. It's very low-key and yet there are lots of really amazing people in there!"

Sanada adjusted his baseball cap and snorted. "Like who? The general manager who seems to have a flair for very low-cut tops and shorter than short skirts? Or are you talking about the hulking guy who is at her beck and call?"

He flicked a stray orange strand of hair off his forehead defensively. "Oh, you mean Hanamura-san and Shinjou-kun! Well, they're not all as stupid as you think you jerk. I'll have you know, there's this very interesting guy named Kajimoto Takahisa who seems to have issues with yaoi dramas, and then there's – oi, Gen-chan, you alright? You seem to be going green around the gills."

"I'm not a fish." The other muttered clearing his throat and schooling his expression to that of the usual seriousness. "And I'm not decaying."

It took a small percentage of Tezuka's brainpower to understand why Sanada was like this. He had never seen him as besotted by someone all the years he had known him – maybe when another mutual friend, Yukimura Seiichi was still alive...

He frowned. _Then that means he's..._ his eyes widened in realisation and he gave him a furtive glance. _He likes Kajimoto Takahisa?_ "You're troubled." He said as gently as he could. It was probably his tone that made Wakato realise he just struck a nerve.

Sanada raised his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I don't want to talk about it." He sighed with a small, wry grin. "Ask later when I'm more stable."

Wakato raised his brow in question. He was openly curious, but he staunched his wont to get the scoop as he noticed the frustration in his friend's eyes. For a brief moment, he met Tezuka's eyes and both shrugged, knowing it was futile to press on. Gathering up his newly found Wakato Hiroshi persona, he 'Hmph-ed', stood up and crossed over to Sanada's side, swatting him with his script and proceeding to sit once again on his lap.

Soon enough, to Tezuka's dismay, the bickering started.

**OxxxOxxxO**

"Oi, Hajime!"

Mizuki turned and waved back as Mukahi, jogging, approached him. It was already eight-thirty in the evening and their recording was over. He was in the process of picking up his coat when the redhead caught his attention. He was worried about him, since Mukahi was covered with band-aids the moment he walked in the studio. No one asked him for an explanation, though Mizuki knew the others were also wondering what happened to him to make him look as if he was run over by a bike. Seki, their senpai, was the one who was worried the most, protectiveness showing in his eyes as he adjusted his eyeglasses before giving him a can of Ponta with a comforting smile.

After the recording, they all crowded around him and asked what happened, the question which was answered by, you guessed it, he was run over by a speeding bike. It came to Mizuki that maybe, just maybe, he was psychic. _Yeah right._ Snorting inwardly over such a childish idea, he distanced himself from the crowd and decided that Mukahi needed more space if what he said was the truth. Being run over by a bike was nothing short of painful, and those bruises were good indications of said pain. However, he still doubted it. With the way he looked, it was much more than a bike accident. It seemed like something was broken in him.

Mizuki deduced it was because he still didn't have a company to be a member of. Mukahi would never be able to survive in the industry without a company to back him up. He was not suited to be a freelancer at all. It was not that he was weak... it was because he was the kind of person who seemed to thrive in a crowd. He was more confident and sure of himself when he had a stable foundation of people under his belt. Well, whatever happened, Mizuki swore he would never let him out on his own. As long as Mukahi needed him, he would be more than happy to help. After all, he wasn't as heartless as most people thought he was.

He smiled as Mukahi finally reached him. "Hajime!" he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry to make you wait, but, I was wondering if you want to go to Tezuka-senpai's house tonight for dinner?"

"Eh?" Mizuki was puzzled. "What's the occasion?"

"I dunno, we're supposed to have coffee, but he said dinner would be better and told me to drag in anyone who was okay with the idea of being in his house."

"Hmm, I don't have anywhere to go and I have nothing better to do, so..." He mumbled thoughtfully before finally deciding to give in. "Okay." He chuckled as Mukahi grabbed him by the shirtsleeves and pulled him out of the studio amid catcalls from the staff and cast watching them inside.

"Nfufufu." He went in amusement. "Gakuto-kun, I'm sure you love being with me, but darling, you can't just drag me off somewhere like this, you're acting like a hor –"

Mukahi dropped his arm in mortification and glared. "Geh!" He stuck out his tongue. "You're not my type!"

Mizuki gave him a teasing look and coiled his hair around his finger. "You're just too shy to admit it, lover."

As Mukahi sputtered in embarrassment, Mizuki walked past him as he put on his coat, laughter echoing happily in the corridors.

"Hajime, you are horrible!"

**OxxxOxxxO**

Of course Atobe had been watching.

In between his takes, he slanted Tezuka's small noisy group searching looks. He had always thought that the bespectacled man was simply beautiful when smiling – or laughing as the present case may be. It warmed his heart a bit, seeing him enjoying himself now rather than the tired look he had been sporting earlier, when they got out of the booth.

If only the others didn't come earlier than expected, he and Tezuka might've had an even deeper conversation. It was the first time they had such interaction, and all was shattered at Sanada's first knock on the glass windows. He kicked his friend mentally for his untimely disturbance, swearing to tell Shiba, his secretary, to make his life a living hell for it. Sanada had been sort of his childhood friend, sort of, since they knew and beat each other up since kindergarten along with Yukimura, Yanagi and Shishido. And, being childhood friends meant that he had the right to interfere with him when he wanted to, so that was what he was going to do – once he thought of some sort of payback for interrupting him in such a crucial moment – deliberately or not.

He frowned.

He sounded like a vengeful maniac.

Sighing inwardly, he took off his headset. He had just finished his recording, and soon, it would be Tezuka's turn. Without a word, he turned the knob and opened the door wide. With long purposeful strides, he reached the small cosy group and slipped his hands inside his pockets. Irritation erupted as he saw Tezuka stiffen upon seeing him. It seemed as if he didn't make a dent on him at all, and it was frustrating in his part. He had always wanted to make an impact on the man, but all he did was make reason for him to stay away. He must be losing his touch – at least, in the wooing department.

Wooing? Well, it was something he thought he was doing a very good job of. He wanted to woo him to stay at his side, be with him, to touch, to hold... to comfort. He had always seen Tezuka's eyes filled with something akin to sadness, and he wanted to know why – and acquire the power to get the emotion out. Apparently, he wasn't doing it good enough.

"Tezuka." He heard himself say using his most confident tone. "It's your turn."

The man immediately stood up and walked quickly to the booth enough without making it seem he was escaping from him. However, the damage had been done, and Atobe's insides contracted. It was clear that he was trying to stay away– as far and as fast as possible. His eyes followed Tezuka's form until he was well inside the booth. He gazed at him as he put on the headset and opened the folder containing the script.

He was skittish, that much was obvious, and it wouldn't take a genius to know that it was his gaze that made him that way. Shaking his head inwardly, he turned back to the others, only to see the staring at him perplexedly. Making eye contact, he raised a questioning brow. "I know I look hot, but please, snap your mouths shut and snap out of it." He quipped wryly.

"Atobe-kun... do you have any problem with Tezuka-san?" Wakato asked curiously.

_Where do I start?_ He spat inwardly. "None that I know of." He acknowledged, waving a hand dismissively. "Why do you ask?"

"He's nervous."

"Well, people do get nervous when they're about to do something important, right?"

"And you stare at him too hard all the time." Wakato finished with a flourish. "You want something from him."

Atobe gave him a tired look before turning away and focusing on the table's centrepiece. It calmed him somewhat, gazing at the flowers floating on the surface of the shallow water-filled crystal bowl. "What makes you say that?"

"You and your father, have the same look when trying to get something important – I have seen that trademark stare before when he was still alive and I was being invited by him to join your company."

"I'm not my father."

"But you have the same genes." Wakato smiled indulgently. "And you look exactly like him, so I can tell."

Silence.

"I don't want anything from him." He admitted, eyes still glued on the bowl. "I want him."

The revelation rendered Wakato shocked and speechless. It was only because Sanada knew about it already that he was pressed to just being silent. He gazed thoughtfully at Atobe and a sudden burst of wry irony engulfed him. _They're just the same... the two of them. _He thought in amusement. _They both wanted to get out of the box they're placed in... Trying to grasp something that would complete them._

_And they both have an affinity for staring at the same things when troubled. _

"It's not going anywhere."

He started, turning in surprise at the one who intruded upon his thoughts. "Ah.""

"It's not healthy."

Atobe smiled slightly back, tearing his eyes away from his inquisitive gaze. "I was just... thinking."

"I know."

_See, very much the same._ Sanada thought, chuckling inwardly.

**OxxxOxxxO**

"**Ruriko-chan**!"

"Goku-niichan!" Tezuka Ruriko bounded over to the _genkan_ and jumped up into Mukahi's arms. She peeked right behind him and her smile grew even more. "_Wai_! It's your girlfriend!"

Mizuki laughed as he placed his shoes on the top level of the shoe rack. "He's a wonderful boyfriend."

"Hajime – _teme..._" The irritation was evident in Mukahi's voice as he carried Ruriko snugly in his arms, but of course, Mizuki knew him all too well, and decided that it was safe enough to play along. Giggling, he pointedly ignored him and patted the little girl's head affectionately. "You know, you look exactly like your father... except that you're all bright, smiley and not anal-retentive at all."

The girl brightened. "Really? My friends say that too!" Her grin was enough to render anyone blind, and Mizuki found himself giving a smile that was just as bright back.

"Which one, about you looking like your father or you being not anal-retentive?" He asked curiously, wondering if she knew what his words meant.

Ruriko giggled and gave him a conspiratorial wink. "Both – they said papa was too serious."

_Oh yes, she understood. What a bright kid! I wonder... would I have one this amazing as well?_ His thoughts betrayed the loneliness he felt. Mizuki still hadn't found the right person to settle down with. It felt as if he had been looking all his life and no one was knocking long enough for him to notice. Sighing inwardly, he focused on his present situation and straightened up, giving the girl one last smile before turning to Mukahi. "I thought he'd be here by now? It's already ten minutes to nine..."

Mukahi had recovered from his former irritation and hi features turned thoughtful. "I don't know, he said he would be meeting me, and anyone I bought with me, here at around eight thirty... maybe his schedule was mixed up a bit." He put the little girl down and smiled at the elder lady who was babysitting her. "Ah, is it okay if we wait?"

"Yes, of course!" She beamed in welcome, her gnarled skin wrinkling even more as her features relaxed. "Tezuka-san called and told me that you would be coming over. Come." She ushered them to the living room, with Ruriko pulling both their hands.

Once seated, the child decided to sit on Mukahi's lap, wiggling to find herself a more comfortable position. Once settled, he put his arms around her and laid his chin on top of her head. "I'm sorry I couldn't get Bun-chan to come, he's working."

"It's okay." She mumbled quietly, as if forlorn – an emotion that was instantly erased as she focused on the person she had seen only now. "Ne, Goku-niichan, what's your girlfriend's name?" His hold on her loosened as she moved, tilting her face up so she could get a better look at him.

Mukahi nearly choked. "She's – I mean, **_he's_** not my girlfriend!" He denied quickly. "That person's a boy! A boy!"

Her eyes widened and she turned her sights on Mizuki's giggling form. "_Uso..._ _Hontou ni? Uwah... _You're a boy?"

Mizuki nodded. "Yup."

"But-but-but... you're so **_pretty_**!"

"I'm gifted." He acknowledged, something that made Mukahi chuckle.

Ruriko seemed deep in thought... then, she asked innocently, eyes wide and glassy. "Ne, Goku-niichan... does that mean that you like boys too?"

Mukahi debated on whether he should try to coax one of his female co-workers to pose as his girlfriend in the near future... or have a manlier haircut.

OxxxOxxxO 

He glanced at his wristwatch for the umpteenth time as his recording drew to a close. He had been waiting for the final instructions of his director for the last five minutes, but it seemed the older man was biding his time and making things difficult for them.

Another thing that was bothering him was Atobe's silence during the whole thing. He had been known to throw a royal fit whenever asked to wait for such a long time, and now, even after a long while, he was still sitting patiently, eyes riveted at the floating flowers of the table's centrepiece without a word. He had been pretty much silent ever since the whole recording started, and for the first time, Tezuka wished he was not like that and just revert back to his normal self.

He wished that Wakato hadn't dragged Sanada off to drink themselves silly. They didn't have a scheduled recording and just dropped by to get their scripts, and, as the Yuushousha Studio heir put it, '**_mingle_**'. Now they were gone, and the silence was tense. He was a normally quiet person, but this was the kind he hated the most – a very uncomfortable one.

He was still debating on whether to say something, or just let the silence reign when Atobe beat him to it. "Tezuka, do you like the series so far?"

Surprised at the sudden question – and unprepared for the casualness of the topic, it took him a few moments to compose himself and nod. "It's not something usual, so I enjoy the challenge." _Especially since I want to scream due to my lack of lines and I have to stifle that or I would ruin the recording..._

He could feel Atobe's gaze permeating through his senses.

"You're lying." Came the quiet response. "You are not contented with this."

"You don't know me."

"You're right, I don't. But I do know if a person is lying or not." Atobe retorted, suddenly incensed. "Right now, I know you're lying."

After a few moments, Tezuka sighed, eyes staring back grimly at the one who had suddenly invaded his private space. "Don't say anything about things you don't know." He was tired, and he felt like he was going to suffer a minor nervous breakdown. "You don't know me well enough to comment on what my opinions are."

For a short while, the tension was palpable. One could almost cut through it with sharpened scissors. However, it only took an incredulous snort from Atobe before it finally ebbed away. "You sound like a really defensive old man, Tezuka."

Tezuka couldn't help the small smile that tugged on the corners of his lips. "And you're really obnoxious when you gloat."

"It's an inborn talent."

He shook his head, feeling a lot less burdened. Then, he turned to the director who was still talking to the staff. "Yamazaki-san, I have to take my leave now, I have someplace to go to."

Yamazaki, the director, gave him a sheepish smile, scratching his head apologetically. "Ah, sorry Tezuka-kun, I'll just call you tomorrow afternoon to straighten out the details. You can go now. Say hi to your daughter for me, okay?"

He nodded politely, standing up and shuffling over to the coat rack. He made quick work of his coat zippers and arranged his collar before pushing the heavy doors.

He was halfway to the elevators when he heard Atobe's distinct voice calling out for him. "Stop!" He said, and immediately, for some unknown reason, his feet halted their progress and he involuntarily turned around. He watched as Atobe patted the director on the shoulder and walk ever so grandly towards him, his aura of superiority still about even if he was the one who asked him to wait. But then again, when one called out 'Stop!' it wasn't a request but a command. He rolled his eyes as Atobe gave him a triumphant grin. _Such a brat_... He thought in amusement.

As soon as Atobe reached him, he started walking towards the elevators. Silently, he pushed the 'down' button, wary of his companion's scrutinising gaze. It took all his restraint not to bolt. "Stop staring at me." He muttered, relieved as the elevator doors opened, and started fretting again as he realised that there were no people inside. It was just going to be the two of them if no one got on at the next stop. Stepping carefully inside, he waited for Atobe to settle in before he pushed the 'close door' button, then his hand resumed clasping the edge of his coat in seeming reassurance.

"I like staring at you." The company owner responded, a small teasing smile playing on his lips.

"Well, don't." He finished lamely, smacking himself inwardly as he heard himself answer with such a tiny voice. _I'm a dork._ He thought, riding a new wave of self-disgust. He knew that if there was a way to dodge this man, it was to meet him head on and stop stalling, but then, what had he been doing all this time? He had been running away from anything resembling a conversation. Why was it so hard to talk to him anyway? Was it shame in his part that he had been caught doing something he was not proud of, such as singing like some mechanised robot during one of his tapings in Atobe's company, or was it because he realised that he could never be on equal terms with this person who seemed to have everything he wanted and was already the perfect epitome of the person he wanted to be?

Or maybe it was something else, something that was being nudged forward by his brain ever since he first saw him.

"You're distracted." Atobe noted, turning away from him and concentrating on the crack of the door. "You have been ever since we worked together in that yaoi drama."

Tezuka was not sure if he it was the forlorn tone or the fact that Atobe knew when everything happened that made him even more uneasy. "Stop trying to analyse everything. It doesn't become you."

It made his companion stiffen, just hearing those words. "No? Ahn? Then what becomes me, hmm?" There was a tinge of malice in Atobe's voice and it made Tezuka's insides squirm.

"You don't care about anything but yourself." Tezuka stated clearly, amazed at himself for all the strength his voice had. It was unfair that he was saying things that he had proven untrue about Atobe, just to prove a point. But what was his point? He was irritated at himself, eyes closing involuntarily as he noticed the tightening of Atobe's grip on the side rail.

"You think so lowly of me." Came the quiet answer. At that, Tezuka opened his eyes, immediately staring at Atobe's hand. It was completely relaxed now, loosened, and then dropped uselessly to his side before being slipped inside a coat pocket.

"I don't –"

"You do." Atobe insisted, giving him a sideways glance and a weak smile. "You think that I'm as narcissistic as rumours say I am. That's why you stay away from me."

_You're wrong – _Tezuka wanted to argue, but he kept his lips sealed. _I stay away from you because I –_

The doors of the elevator opened, and the button for the ground floor was blinking, signalling that they already arrived to where they were supposed to be in. Atobe gestured him to go out first, and so he did, with the former pushing the 'open door' button until he himself had gone out and a couple of women went in, gaggling all the way. They walked in silence and soon they were out of the automatic glass doors and out of the sprawling studio.

It was cold and Tezuka couldn't help hugging himself even with the protection of his thick coat. "I don't think you're narcissistic." He finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "I didn't mean to put it that way."

"Right." Atobe snorted, puffs of air issuing forth from his nostrils. "That's good to hear after telling me I only care about myself, thank you very much."

Tezuka was felt defeated, and his shoulder slumped a bit. "I guess I'm just insecure." He admitted lightly, walking away from the building, prompting his companion to stop ogling and catch up to him.

"Insecure? What for?"

"You represent everything I ever hoped to be."

There was a moment of shocked silence, each person's mind reeling as they processed their own thoughts – Tezuka, trying to corner his emotions back in a safe space, and Atobe trying to grasp the meaning behind the other's admission.

"Tezuka..." Atobe murmured quietly, a gloved hand grasping Tezuka's wrist gently but firmly. "We need to talk."

"After dinner." Tezuka allowed, giving him an inviting nod. "Come home with me, I also have my former _kouhai_ in there and we're to talk about things. After that you can stay, and then we talk."

Atobe wanted to, but thought against it and shook his head. "Hn." He sighed. "When we talk, I don't want any intrusions. I'm taking a rain check."

"Are you sure?"

Atobe sniffed grandly. "Of course! Ore-sama needs to have Tezuka all to himself when having a heart-to-heart!" With that, he let go of his wrist and turned, waving a jaunty goodbye as he turned the corner to where the parking lot was.

Tezuka just shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips, and moved on to the direction where his home was.

_Heart-to-heart, huh?_

**OxxxOxxxO**

Kajimoto hated being left in the flux of his emotions. He hated feeling the loss that came from excessive bursts of feeling – especially since there was no one he knew who could comfort him at the moment.

The first person that came to mind was Mizuki. He called his house, since he didn't believe in cellular phones, up since he knew he would be back by now after his Saiyuki recording, however, unfortunately, his answering machine was the one who picked up. He wasn't at home.

He scoured his mind for people who could help him, and his newfound friend, Wakato Hiroshi, popped up. He tried calling him in his cellular phone, but he wasn't answering.

So there was no hope of easing his burden at all.

He closed his eyes, reclining even further, burrowing his body deeper in his favourite beanbag. What was wrong with him? He hadn't been this flustered ever since – He shook his head, eyes snapping open. Silently, he stared at the fluorescent light directly above him and sighed. If only he hadn't bought takoyaki that day, he wouldn't be in such a fix.

Kajimoto Takahisa didn't believe in predestination. He was someone who believed that there were many choices in which to take to attain one's goals... and that whatever path a person took, was accountable only to that person, and no one else. He was someone who played by the rules, naively following laws and adhering to them as if they were gods to be worshipped. He was someone who, even if he wasn't admitting it out loud, afraid of change.

He knew that change was something that couldn't be avoided, since everything does change, one way or another. He knew that changes meant growth. However, there was fear deep in the pit of his stomach that made him feel queasy every time something around him changed.

For example, he was filled with fear the moment he entered the industry, thinking of all the negative stuff that came with it. If not for the fact that his wife reassured him and supported him, he wouldn't even consider vying for this kind of work. Another good example would be when he married his wife roughly nine years ago. He was afraid he wouldn't be a good husband – or a good father, but she told him otherwise and she poked fun at him for thinking such ridiculous things. For some time, he gave his all on becoming the husband she had always hoped for... and when she died, succeeded by their twins, he, in her memory, turned himself to the best father he could.

Then came his introduction to the world of yaoi. He was afraid of a lot of things. He was afraid that when people knew he was doing such things, he would receive less respect especially from the elders – and his own parents for doing something so... radical. It was one thing to voice over a violent fighting game, but another to do something **_sexual_** – what more the gay kind.

It was a mystery to him why Jackal, even as a purebred Brazilian Catholic, was okay with such demeaning roles. Wasn't he affected the least? Wasn't he afraid that his reputation might get flushed down the drain?

**_/"You don't realise that they are part of your work. For you they have no real meaning, no worth and that's why you are hesitant to work on them." /_**

Sanada's words from this afternoon came crashing back.

Maybe to some extent it was true. Maybe for him, BL dramas did not have any meaning. But the way such words were thrown at him was enough to make him reconsider, with much guilt and remorse.

Kajimoto groaned. The thought he had earlier in the coffee shop seemed to prove true. His late wife was right, he was putting himself in a little box and storing everything that seemed so unreal to him as what they were – unreal. He wasn't doing anything to make himself engulf them wholly, to accept them as they were and not fuss over such menial things as reputation and dignity.

**_/"I feel like you won't have the will to take whatever it is to take to be better at your profession. You have no will to improve." /_**

He feared changes... that was the crux of the problem.

That was why he was always reluctant to do things. That was why Sanada said he didn't have the willpower to do anything at all. He had no will to conform to changes. He had no will to make the necessary changes in himself to improve his talents, his skills, and most of all, his outlook in life. His obsession with changes and what they would do to his reputation was what deterred him from moving forward.

**_/ "Recording and how you do your recording – that's what makes a great seiyuu. If you don't have the versatility to do impersonations of things alien to you, then you can never succeed. You have the skill, but you lack the will to do whatever it takes to improve on your techniques, on your work, on your person." /_**

A wave of self-disgust rolled over him. What was he doing, acting like this? He couldn't forget the disappointed look in Sanada's eyes when he told him what was needed to be told. He couldn't forget how his gut contracted at the heavy feel of loss as he listened intently.

Suddenly, the image of darkened eyes flashed in his mind, and instantaneously, as if conditioned response, his hand touched the nonexistent sting on his shoulder. He couldn't breathe. If the powerful Yuushousha Studio heir did lean in and instead touched his lips on his own... what would Kajimoto have done?

It was the change that he feared most of all. The singular fear that was making him brood all evening. He had never experienced something so intense his entire life... not even while he was still married. It was as if his body was consumed with heat. His skin felt over-sensitised. His eyes felt like they were fixed on Sanada's molten gaze alone. He heard everything around him with so much clarity that it terrified him. He felt like they were the only ones left alone alive and everyone had faded back into the clawing shadows.

The experience was most terrifying.

Kajimoto shuddered at the memory, pushing it forcefully away. He needed to stop thinking about things and just relax – he had such an exhausting day...

The sound of loud knocking made him jump. Startled, he immediately scrambled up and rushed to the front door, avoiding the clutter of toys his children had left before going to his in-laws on the living room carpet.

Taking a peek through the peephole of his front door, he relaxed as the familiar features of Wakato Hiroshi greeted him. Smiling a bit, he unlatched the door and turned the knob, opening it fully, intending to ask the guy as to what he was doing on his doorstep this late at night, when he noticed he wasn't alone.

Immediately, he stiffened, eyes wide as if a deer caught in headlights. His smile faded as shock began sinking in. _What the –_ It was the only thought he could process as of the moment.

Sanada Genichirou, the source of all his angsting was draped limply on Wakato's shoulders.

"Uh, Takahisa-san... a little help here?"

And he was dead drunk.

**OxxxOxxxO**

"I wanted to drink myself to oblivion after that audition." Mukahi sighed, finishing his second bowl of rice and third helpings of curried eel with _nattou_. It was very apparent to both Tezuka and Mizuki that their friend was still depressed, contrary to what he had been saying since the topic was opened up.

"You're going to be accepted, stop worrying." Mizuki drawled, stabbing a piece of deboned eel in emphasis. "As quick as that. They'd be crazy not to give you a fighting chance."

Tezuka nodded in agreement, taking a bite of his stringy concoction. "Definitely." The mention of Teikoku Songen reminded him of his moment with Atobe in the recording booth. The total silence as he gazed almost tenderly at him, the butterflies in his stomach as the sappy words tumbled out from the other's mouth...

**_/"It took many years... but you're finally here." /_**

It was something that haunted him as he walked towards his home, something that plagued him even as his _kouhai_ was letting out all his bad blood with someone working in Atobe's company. He felt the stirrings of guilt and shame as he pushed his troubling thoughts away, focusing more on what Mukahi was blabbing about.

Mizuki's gaze bordered on worried, and Tezuka realised the extent of the bond between the two younger _seiyuu_. It seemed that while in school, they had been in contact with each other... and such friendship blossomed after they worked in the same field. They may be two years apart, but they were acting as if they were twin brothers – always looking out for each other.

"Oh come on, stop pigging out or else you'd become really fat... no one would dare go on a date with you. You'd end up lonely and old with twenty-seven cats in a locked cellar somewhere far away..." The PTU talent said, trying to coax his friend out of his depressed stupor. "Tell, me what's the name of the guy who told you that you were bad? I'll go and challenge him to a match..."

Mukahi's hand finally stilled as his features filled with disbelief. "Are you stupid?" Then came the hacking laughter as he choked on a piece of eel. "You're no match for someone that tall! Besides, he's one of Atobe's direct subordinates, so..."

"Atobe Keigo's subordinate?" Tezuka piped in, surprised.

"_Un_." Mukahi nodded forlornly. "He has shaggy hair and eyeglasses... and speaks kinda weird."

The image formed unbidden in Tezuka's mind, and instantly, he found the name to go with it. Slowly, he leant back, eyes fixed on his half-filled bowl of rice. _Oshitari Yuushi, no doubt_. He mused. _The people who work at Teikoku Songen are not as professional as I thought they are... or maybe it's just that guy... _

He frowned. _Maybe..._ "Wait."

"Tezuka-senpai?"

"Tezuka-san?"

"Didn't you say there were two others with him?"

"Yeah..."

"Then you shouldn't worry." He finished, picking up his chopsticks.

"Really, Tezuka-san? You think they would be professional enough?" Mizuki looked doubtful, but there was hope there. He nodded, giving him a small smile, which, for a moment of deliberation, he returned slowly back, eyes brightening.

Giving a sideways glance at Mukahi, it made Tezuka feel relieved that the younger man's energy was coming back.

For the right reason – that there was still a chance of getting in.

He stilled. _A chance..._ His mind was, once again, filled with the proud features of the one he had always hoped to avoid having any contact with – the one who constantly seek him out for unknown reasons. _Is there really a chance to change everything... a chance to start over?_

_**/"It took many years... but you're finally here." /**_

_Maybe._

**OxxxOxxxO**

It took a couple of moments before he could contain his shock... and in that time span, Wakato had dragged his load in with great difficulty, deliberately pushing the limp form on the couch in what seemed to be resigned irritation.

"Seriously, this guy is so full of issues!" The orange-haired diva huffed, primping his dishevelled hair quickly and efficiently. How he could do it perfectly without the use of a mirror was beyond Kajimoto's comprehension. "I was the one who invited him to drink and be merry... and he drunk more than I did!"

After shock came a sort of peace... and then panic started to seep in. Kajimoto's eyes widened even more. "What is he doing here!"

"He's drunk!"

"Why is he drunk!"

"He has issues!"

"Why did you bring him here of all places!"

"Because this is the nearest to the bar and I don't want to drive him in my motorcycle or else he would end up in the morgue tomorrow – with yours truly!" Wakato threw up his hands in frustration. "I don't want to die in a traffic accident – I want Death-by-Chocolate... or Death-by-Sex!"

If they were having a normal conversation, Kajimoto would've been laughing his brains out by now. However, having an unconscious drunk guy along with a close friend this time of night was not something that could be considered normal – at all. His features settled into that of a cryptic... or maybe accusing, as what Wakato probably saw for all the defensive posturing he was doing at the moment.

"Oi, oi... it wasn't me who got him drunk, mind you." His friend started. "He was perfectly willing to be dragged along to bar after bar – he even out-drank me!"

He sighed, shaking his head. He couldn't do anything now, could he? After, all the man was lying facedown on his couch. It was impossible to turn him away. "What do I do?" he asked, defeated.

Wakato scrutinised him and heaved a huge suffering breath. "For starters, you can take care of him and make sure he doesn't choke on his own vomit when he wakes up with a killer hangover." The corners of his lips quirked up in a semblance of amusement. "Or try to calm him down if he turns homicidal."

Kajimoto's brows narrowed. "What do you mean 'homicidal'?" He asked slowly. "He's not the kind of person who wakes up and just smacks anyone near him, is he?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Depends on how you wake him, really." Wakato said airily, standing up and sauntering to where the front door was, stopping for a moment to slip into his shoes. He could feel his friend's eyes following him and he almost burst out in laughter. "You know," He called out as he turned the doorknob. "He kept on babbling for being so useless when faced with someone who hated 'yaoi'." He sniggered. "He slurred something like **'_How could I ever initiate something when I know he would run screaming rape to the other direction as much as I try something like kissing?'_.** It was pretty interesting, you know... and very enlightening." Then, noting the redness of Kajimoto's face and his wide scandalised eyes, he walked out laughing, carefully closing the door.

Kajimoto was now at a loss.

Body feeling heavy, he turned to the prone body being smothered by his couch and rolled his eyes.

_Now what do I do first? Keep him from choking on his own vomit or try waking him up with a meter stick?_

**OxxxOxxxO**

Shishido was muttering to himself as he entered the elevator. With irritation, he pushed the glowing button down to the second floor just as the doors closed.

_What was Yuushi **thinking**?_ He thought angrily. _How could he ever think that I could ever get the love of my life **drunk**_ _and then **molest** him afterwards? _He would be stupid to do such thing! He knew what he should do – try asking him out or something. Yeah, that would be better. At least, he wouldn't be hated much for being what he was – a moony person in love with another guy.

He sighed.

If only he was sure of where Ohtori's preferences lay, maybe he wouldn't be this afraid. But then again, even if he **did** know, it didn't mean that he had a chance right? He may be really straight, or really gay... but he wouldn't be his type. That would suck – majorly.

_Choutarou... if only I could hear you say my name lovingly all the time, I would be happy to die on the spot and haunt you forever..._

"Shishido-san?"

_Okay, that was fast. _For a moment, he stiffened. _Oh no..._ His eyes widened as he slowly turned around. _I can't be this unlucky..._

"Shishido-san... are you okay?"

It was Ohtori.

"Uh, hey Choutarou!" He greeted him a little too brightly. Wincing inwardly, he tried to compose himself. "I'm fine, I'm fine... just a little tired."

Silence.

There was something off in Ohtori's eyes as his features morphed into that of being depressed. He spoke softly. "Why are we like this now?" There was a sad quality in his voice, something that made Shishido's gut clench. He felt like he was the world's biggest fool. Truth was, avoidance was the only thing he could do to protect the younger man from him. He was not sure what he would do, and he didn't quite trust himself to remain calm while he was near – like right now.

The urge to just huggle Ohtori to oblivion was making him tremble slightly. How could he ever push himself to stop his emotions and act as if nothing happened and was happening when in fact something **did** happen and something **was** happening to him **inside**? What was he supposed to do but try to keep out of the other's way and stay that way until he could control himself and not jeopardise whatever measly relationship they had?

He was about to succeed until the 'Blabbering Event' happened. If only Oshitari didn't tell him that Shishido swung the other way, everything would've stayed as calm as it was. But it was done and over with. He didn't have the power to change the course of events that left him with this huge problem. "I'm not avoiding you –" He lied. "I'm just..."

"You've been keeping away from me after Oshitari-san said you were gay."

_Bingo._ Shishido felt the knife in his gut twist even more. "..."

"Do you honestly think I would hate you for something like that, Shishido-san?"

Yes, he was piling on the guilt now – but Shishido knew he deserved it. He was presumptuous, yet he knew it was the only thing that kept him sane. It was better to be hurt that way than to be laughed at and mocked. He learned the hard way in junior high school when he confessed to his senpai, Atobe's cousin, Akutsu Jin. "Sorry." He muttered, feeling edgy. Wildly, he wondered why he wasn't on the second floor yet, and he glanced at the glowing numbers above. _Why is it going...?_

He was supposed to be going down.

The elevator was going up.

Inwardly, he smacked himself. How could he ever escape this kind of emotional torture? He was still debating on what to say when he felt something crowding him. Surprised, he looked up just in time to see the uncertainty of Ohtori's eyes as he loomed over him, face drawing closer until –

**PING!**

The elevator doors opened on the seventh floor, and both of them turned abruptly, jumping apart as if burned.

Hiyoshi Wakashi stood there, along with Taki Haginosuke, their brows lifted in both amusement and question.

Shishido had never felt so embarrassed in his whole life.

**OxxxOxxxO**

Kajimoto's eyes couldn't stray away from his peacefully slumbering guest.

Or burden.

Or – whatever he was fit to be called.

It was the first time he had seen such expression on Sanada Genichirou's face. He seemed so relaxed, so at ease – so much like a child. He looked no more than eight years old. Tops. Kajimoto's lips curled up in an involuntary smile. He should make this last. It was, after all, the only time he could actually look at him without so much as worrying whether or not he looked like a moony teenager.

_His hair is really soft._ He noted, fingers ghosting on the part where it stuck up a little. Drawing slowly away, he pulled his extra blankets up over the sleeping man's chin, tucking him in to keep him warm. With agonising care, he stood up. _He's really cute when he's sleeping..._ he shook his head and looked away. _What am I thinking? All that yaoi is making me strange. I don't want to become a guy with multiple male partners or something –_

The image of Sanada leaning towards him and drawing him in flashed in his mind, and his previous thought resurfaced. Sweat beaded on his temple. _What if he really did kiss me back then... a real one... on the lips? Would I have bolted, or would I have accepted it?_ Curiosity thrumming in his veins, he turned back, his lips felt as if they were besieged by electricity in silent anticipation. _What if...?_

His body moved on its own accord. He was leaning down, leaning, until his face was directly above Sanada's, so close that he could feel his even breathing, smell the tinge of alcohol in every exhalation. He should be repulsed, but he didn't care. At the moment, there was one thing that he wanted to know, and it would only be accomplished through –

With care and something akin to tenderness, he closed his eyes and laid his lips on his. It was warm, firm, and yet soft. It was something new to Kajimoto and he relished the feel of it. His heart lightened, as did the burden on his shoulders. He wondered why something as simple as this felt so complex. Sanada was not responding, but there was something in what Kajimoto was experiencing that was brought out by him. It was very different from what he felt just this afternoon.

His heart leapt and then began pounding in his ears.

This was the same feeling he had when his wife was still alive.

At that, his eyes snapped open, and with a small gasp, he reared away, overrun by confusion first, then embarrassment, and then the realisation of what he had just done and what the implications of how he felt were. Silently, in haste, he hurried away to his room. He had to spend some time processing everything before he came to his own conclusions. He needed to think.

And as he fled upstairs to his room, he missed the small movement that betrayed the gravity of that heated moment.

The corners of the supposedly sleeping man's lips twitched once...

And Sanada smiled.

**OxxxOxxxO**

Tezuka woke up to the sound of someone ringing the doorbell.

System shocked into being fully awake, he jumped off his bed, put on his glasses, and, without slipping on his slippers, ran to where the front door was and flung it open.

Imagine his surprise at the sight of the one who had just been the reason of last night's restlessness.

"Atobe." He said in monotone.

"Looking good, Tezuka." Atobe was smirking at him, eyes roving to his clothes – or the lack thereof. It took a moment before he could fully process what was happening. He reddened in embarrassment for a moment before schooling his features to that of normalcy. Apparently, he was standing with the front door opened wide – in his strawberry-patterned pyjama bottoms.

_Why did I forget to send the laundry down the Laundromat yesterday?_ He thought, groaning inwardly. "What are you doing here?" He asked, curiosity getting the best of him after a few moments of mortified silence.

"I'm here to pick you up." Atobe smiled infuriatingly.

"Why?"

"Because we have to have **The Talk.**"

Tezuka frowned. "Isn't that a bit too late? I've already been married."

Atobe rolled his eyes, looking so much like a peeved prince. "Ah, what are you saying, you idiot! I was talking about the talk we were supposed to have last night!"

At that, Tezuka stiffened. "Oh."

His visitor smirked. "Yes. Oh."

The bespectacled man frowned, and then realised he was stalling and decided to just let him in instead of going out. That would be safer, wouldn't it? He had this vague idea that this guy was going to take him to some alley and just jump him. "Why don't we jus have 'The Talk', as you put it, inside?" He asked him, giving way for the other to enter.

For a split-second, Atobe hesitated, a questioning look flashing in his eyes. 'Are you sure?' his looks seemed to ask. However, it was gone just as quickly as it came. Back was the arrogant smirk, and equally overwhelming personality. Tezuka judged, as he stepped forward, that his person would fill the whole house quickly and suffocate him and his poor sleeping daughter if he didn't tone it down the whole time he would stay in. He sighed, closing the door after him.

His gaze was riveted completely on Atobe. The other was looking around, and he hoped, appreciating his surroundings. After all, Tezuka was not a designer and he refused to let other people in his house to do some decorating. He liked things muted, but there was the case of having a female daughter, so all he could do was ask his best friend Oishi to give him catalogue samples from his mother's book so he could pattern the house after some stylish modern apartment. He couldn't subject his daughter to living in a place without colour, or else she would grow up to be like him – repressed.

The whole house was painted in warm colours. The living room walls covered in pale cream paint, strategic sections painted warm brown and burnished gold. The furniture were soft and plush, all were in brushed black chrome. The throw pillows were weaved in reds, golds and browns, blending in harmony and presenting a homey feel to the area. Atobe's gaze was pinned on the vertical rich brown frame with artful Japanese calligraphy, and a knowing grin was perched on his face as he turned to Tezuka. "This was given to you by Genichirou. When?" He said matter-of-factly, eyes shining. "He gave me one too just last year, though with a very different set of words."

Tezuka gave him a small smile back. "Three years ago." He replied, closing their gap as he came to stand beside him. "It was during Ruri-chan's birthday."

Atobe gave him a puzzled look. "Ruri-chan?"

He nodded. "_Aa_. My daughter." He murmured with a silent sort of pride.

"Oh, so that explains the message." Came the enlightened response. "Hmm. Fitting. Genichirou really hates giving useless gifts."

"_Un._"

"Paint a rainbow in the night sky, with colours that are mine alone." Atobe read softly. The words took on a new meaning just by hearing him speak, and it made Tezuka lightheaded. It was as if the words were being branded in his heart alone. It felt... like he was being surrounded by warmth. "It sounds like a love confession, don't you think?"

There was definitely something fluttering helplessly in his gut. Unsure of what to do or what to make of it, he turned away and focused instead on his daughter's first finger painting hanging on the wall opposite Sanada's gift. He couldn't dignify Atobe's remark with an answer.

"Tezuka?"

It was then that he felt his visitor's cold fingers on his bare shoulder. Suddenly, he felt very much naked. The thumping of his heart increased speed, and all he could do was to try calm it the best way he knew how – by making a tactical retreat. "I'm putting a shirt on. Sit and wait here. I'll be back in a moment."

With that, he took off, trying to escape without letting the other know his intention. _I'll hide out in here in a short while... I need to keep myself in check... I need to..._

**OxxxOxxxO**

_I really need to stop saying something terribly provoking. _Atobe thought, kicking himself mentally as he lowered himself on the soft couch. _This guy is skittish. He might hate Ore-sama in the long run if I don't do this right._

Sanada's messages were usually direct and concise. There were no flowery prose or useless stuff like that to get his point across. However, from the looks of the gift he gave Tezuka three years ago, he certainly changed enough. _It must be because of Seiichi_. He thought. _He rubbed off on him_.

There was something horribly off in all of this. Sanada was not one to speak in metaphors. Tezuka, as far as he knew from his co-workers and friends, was not one to act all fidgety. And he, Atobe Keigo, was not one to keep on reaching out to someone who didn't want anything to do with him. What was happening to the world? Has it gone crazy or were the three of them the ones who were losing screws year after year? _What made us like this? Why is everything changing into – _

"Ah, _Otouchan... _are you in there?"

Surprised, Atobe was jolted away from his troubled contemplation.

A little girl with dishevelled black hair was shuffling to the living room, hands balled into fists and rubbing bleary eyes.

**OxxxOxxxO**

"Kajimoto-kun."

_I'm dreaming... no one's supposed to be home but me... _Kajimoto felt something move beside him on his bed. _And no one's supposed to be in my bed but me..._

There was something hot blowing on his face. It felt nice, so he didn't bother turning away. Instead, his hands reached out to take more of the warmth, and he would've succeeded if it didn't get to his first. Scorching points spread throughout his body, starting from the neck, down to his bare torso and even lower. There was something rasping nearby, and the welcome sensation of warm wetness pressed against his temple.

"Kajimoto-kun..." The voice came again, this time, stilted, broken, as if suffering –

He frowned. _Wait a minute._ Realisation struck and soon, his eyes snapped open in panic. His nightmare finally came true. Fully awake now, he struggled to sit up, unseating the one who had been molesting him just moments ago. "Sanada-san! What are you doing!"

Sanada Genichirou composed himself and sat Indian style on the bed. The action prodded Kajimoto to scoot father backwards until his arm was pressed to the wall.

Wrong move.

Now he was trapped, unable to get off since he was crowded in a corner.

Sanada let out an exasperated breath. "I'm not going to molest you."

Kajimoto frowned. "You just..."

The other raised a hand as a gesture for him to stop. "For the record. I have to say that **_you_** are the one who was at fault."

His eyes twitched. "I am not at fault – **_you_** came here and started **_groping_** me!"

"You **_seduced_** me."

"I did not!" Kajimoto exclaimed, incensed. "I was sleeping, and you – you came here and started breathing on my face –"

Sanada's lips curved to a smirk. "You reached for me, remember?"

Well, well, yes. But that's beside the point – you didn't have to do those things and –"

"You weren't letting go, so I figured you wanted me to. You seduced me."

Kajimoto let out an almost inaudible 'eep!' as Sanada shifted his position and started crawling towards him. _What am I going to do? What? What?_ He thought frantically. _If he reaches me, he will definitely –_

A hand descended on top of his head and instantly, his inner voice halted its incessant worrying. He blinked up stupidly at the stern features of Sanada, unable to understand the flurry of motion that seemed to plague the pit of his stomach. It wasn't disgust, or else he would've started retching already. It was something else, and it felt really familiar. It was like when...

The gap between them was closing in an alarming rate. Sanada was leaning down, hands gaining leverage against the adjacent walls that Kajimoto was cornered in. "You were the one who enticed me." He heard him whisper softly, the normal edge in his voice softening to that of pure seduction. "You were the one who drew me in first... the one who made sure I never forget... how could you say that it is I who acted inappropriately?"

"Sanada-san..."

"I wasn't planning on doing anything, I resolved myself yesterday, after we talked that I would stay away from you as far as I possibly could. Yet, last night, you kissed me."

Kajimoto's cheeks coloured in shock and embarrassment. "How did you –?"

Sanada laughed mirthlessly. "I woke up when I felt warm, and I heard you muttering to yourself. And then you leant and kissed me. What was I to do? What was I to think now that the line between us was crossed? Should I have just shrugged it off even if everything in me is clamouring for more?"

Kajimoto didn't know what to say. He couldn't say that he was just being curious... because he knew it was just a minute chunk of what his real reasons were. It was acceptance. In a way, he was accepting what the other had proposed without words just before he was left alone in that room yesterday. There was a choice given to him, which was why Sanada just laid his lips on his forehead in a gesture of respect. Sanada recognised the things standing between them since they met during the takoyaki incident, and he understood it completely, accepted it, as his personality was wont to do. He, on the other hand, knew of it just as long as Sanada did, probably... but he didn't choose to do anything about it. Then, last night happened. In the back of his mind, he had been harbouring hopes that he was not wrong about choosing something as risky as he was... and that kiss was...

"Reassurance." He responded softly. "I wanted to know if I could do something about things, about who I am, about how I'm going to accept things."

"Reassurance." Sanada repeated slowly, closing his eyes. "It's just that, isn't it? What if I didn't come to _reassure _you, would you have thought about it?"

He looked up, his vision hazy from the bleary world he was immersed in, but he knew just what expression the other had. He could see the resignation etched deep in his face, something that told him he was serious about all this... that he was not just doing this for the sake of filling up the loneliness left by the death of his friend. It was a good question, he noted. What if Sanada didn't come and stayed last night? Would he have done anything, or would he stay behind his side of the line?

"I don't know." He mumbled truthfully.

It was enough to make Sanada take a deep cleansing breath and smile as he opened his eyes to gaze down at him. "I can take a gamble then – the door isn't yet closed, is it?" There was something akin to relief in his tone, and it made the heavy tension ebb away. "Takahisa-kun?"

For him, everything seemed clearer. He would sort everything out and try to be a better person while he was at it. His will to face changes was not limited only to work – it also meant changes in the way he lived his life and the partner he chose to have. He would find it, definitely.

He nodded, cheeks flushing faintly.

He didn't struggle as Sanada bent and kissed him hungrily. They both needed this. They both deserved this. And as his eyes closed in their own volition, as his body thrummed with overflowing emotion, a clear, determined thought came to him;

_I have to find the strength I need to start over, because now, I have an important reason to do so._

**OxxxOxxxO **

_So this is Tezuka's legendary child. _He thought, eyes scrutinising the childish figure right across him. _She looks like him in many ways. Her skin is just as pale, her built is jus as slight as his... are they eating right or is it just genes?_

Of course Atobe was surprised at the sight of the little girl shuffling towards where he was seated, and of course he didn't know exactly what to do. Should he say something? If he spoke first, the kid would be terrorised enough to run back to her room crying, undoubtedly saying over and over that a thief was sitting on her favourite couch or something. _Ch'_ He thought. He was an only child and he had never been in the company of people younger than twelve years old all his life!

"_Touchan_? Are you – _eh_?"

_Busted._ Atobe thought, feeling the need to smack himself for lacking decisiveness. "Yo." He said, giving his best 'I'm Beautiful, so Worship Me' smile, hoping that the girl would take the bait and warm up to him. For a few moments, they stared at each other, one blinking stupidly at the other who was trying his best to compose himself.

It was when the little girl smiled that Atobe felt as if the world started moving again.

"Ah! Are you _touchan_'s friend?" came the bright girly voice. He had never been so engrossed in something so cute in his whole life, well, maybe when he was still young and he stared at himself on his room's full-length mirror...

However, that was a good question. Was he Tezuka's friend?

Atobe didn't even know if they were. There were times when he was sure they were, but the times when he thought they weren't outweighed the former. Tezuka hadn't defined everything to him yet – they still have to have 'The Talk' to straighten things out. "Hmm, something like that." He allowed, nodding once in supplication. For a few silent moments, he endured the staring the little girl did. Since he didn't exactly know what to do, he just stared back at her, admiring the way her hair fell down her shoulders. _She's going to be a heartbreaker when she grows up. Tezuka's going to have his hands full on this one._ He mused.

Suddenly, the little girl clapped her hands, eyes shining. "Ah, _oniichan_,_" _She started excitedly. "Do you like cake?"

At that, all Atobe had the strength to do was laugh.

**OxxxOxxxO**

Tezuka heard Atobe's laughter as he got out of his room decently dressed. Curious, he went to investigate. Lo and behold, he was having the time of his life talking animatedly with his daughter sitting on his lap.

"I like strawberry shortcake!" Ruriko said happily. "_Otouchan_ bought lots of it last night when he came home! Goku-niichan and his boyfriend Mi-chan shared some with me before they had their dinner! It's best eaten with lots of people to share with, ne, Kei-niichan?"

_Kei-niichan?_ Tezuka thought in amusement. Apparently they were swapping food stories since he stumbled out of the living room a while ago.

"Hmmm... I don't know. It's okay to share with others, but isn't it better to eat everything by yourself sometimes?"

Geh. No way was Atobe going to corrupt his poor daughter. He decided to step in. "No. The best way is to share." Tezuka's voice boomed sternly and both turned to him in surprise. His little girl brightened up even more and hopped off the guest's lap, bounding over to him, arms raised, no doubt wanting a lift and a hug.

"_Touchan_!" She cried, her smooth arms slipping around his shoulders as he bent down to carry her in his own. As soon as she was settled in, her chatter began. "Kei-niichan told me you were really serious about your work!" She beamed proudly.

"And she told me that she already knows about it since she takes after you when it comes to schoolwork." Atobe put in, standing up and slipping his hands in his pockets. "She really does love you, Tezuka."

His tone was soft, almost wistful, and he gazed at him and his daughter the same way. There was something twisting in his heart as he stared right back. He could see their image mirrored in Atobe's eyes, and his heart ached even more.

How did they come to this? Why did it feel as if he was being a bastard because he wasn't allowing this man to be a part of his world? Something in him screamed contentment as he saw them chatting away a short while ago, and he was pleased that they got together awfully well... but why was he hesitating to do something to make everything a lot easier between him and Atobe?

_Because you haven't resolved your personal issues._ The little voice in his head said solemnly. _You can't accept him because you can't accept who you really are. You can't accept him because you don't like yourself – you always wanted to be someone else and strive towards the goal of total change. You can't accept him because he **is** your goal. _

Tezuka sighed and turned to his beaming daughter. "Ruri-chan, is it okay if you go ask Ino-san to help you with your bath?"

"Eh? Ino-obaasan is still here?" She asked, perplexed. "I thought she went home last night?"

"I asked her to stay in one of our spare rooms so she could take care of you today. I'm having another late recording later. Her house, after all, is far from here."

The brightness in her eyes dimmed a little. "Oh. _Touchan_ is going to be away today?"

Tezuka grinned. "No, I'll be out late afternoon until around midnight." He tightened his hold on her and bumped his forehead on hers tenderly. "But you're going to take a bath right now because we're going to the park."

Tezuka Ruriko's bubbly countenance returned full force. "YAY!" She shrieked, looking more like four years old instead of six. She wiggled, signalling his father that she wanted to get back on her feet, and he allowed her to, watching as she bounced away, off to disturb her appointed nanny for the day.

As the echo of her light footsteps faded, Tezuka was acutely aware of the fact that he and Atobe were very much alone. He cleared his throat and looked at him. "This talk..."

Atobe gazed at him openly. "It's necessary."

"..."

"To define barriers – or the lack thereof." Atobe continued. "To define the path to the future and save both of us the trouble of going out of our ways to avoid each other."

"Is this really going to achieve all those things you just said?" Tezuka murmured, unable to move as Atobe started for him. All he could see were those intense orbs suffusing him with warmth.

Upon reaching him, Atobe gave him his most warm smile. "If we talked honestly enough."

Tezuka couldn't help smiling back, gesturing to the front door. "Later then, after we eat out with Ruri – you **are **joining us, aren't you?"

Atobe's smile reverted back to its usual arrogance. "Blueberry pancakes with first class maple syrup?"

"With German sausages on the side."

"With rich black coffee."

Tezuka nodded, feeling happier than he had before.

Atobe suddenly reached out and ran his fingers through Tezuka's still dishevelled hair. "Good. Ore-sama's coming with you and Ruri-chan." He confirmed. "But before we go, you might want to comb your hair first."

"I already did."

"You did?"

"..."

"Nevermind."

* * *

**ENDE**

* * *

**A/N:** _FINISHED! My first finished Tennis no Oujisama series! Well, the main story, at least. Feedbacks are greatly appreciated! Onward to the side stories!_

_1. Oshitari Yuushi x Mukahi Gakuto_

_2. Ohtori Choutarou x Shishido Ryo_

_3. Sanada Genichirou x Kajimoto Takahisa_

_4. Atobe Keigo x Tezuka Kunimitsu_

_**Footnote/s:**_

_(1) Just something I cooked up._


End file.
